“Dear Dr. Zimmerman: I am 90 years old and heard you speak at Fairview Hospital decades ago. You spoke on ‘affirmations and positive attitudes.’ It was the most powerful presentation I have ever attended and it has colored my life for the better. I put your affirmation principles into practice and have seen amazing results ever since. Now I want to attend your two-day Journey-to-the-Extraordinary program.”
I realize that’s a long introduction to today’s Tuesday Tip on the topic of kindness. But I wanted you to know the backstory. Like Margaret Pederson, I also believe that kindness is a super important topic, that’s it not only good for you, but it’s also good for your family, your team, and your business. So let me give you some tips from her and myself to make kindness a stronger force in your life.
► 1. Do something.
Too many people cop out. Because they can’t do something big, they do nothing.
The great Irish statesman and philosopher, Edmund Burke said it best. “Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.”
The truth is you can always do something … kind.
You can always do something … now. As William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, said back in the 1600’s, “I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
And you need to do something kind … before it’s too late. I was reminded of that last Monday when I attended the funeral of a 22-year-old who died in a motorcycle accident. Too many people at the funeral were saying, “I wish I would have …” Instead, remember the advice of the American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson, “You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late.”
Of course, there are some people who wonder what’s the point. Why bother with kindness? What difference does it make? Barbara DeAngelis, a relationship researcher, answers that question by writing, “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them and they bless you, the giver.”
► 2. Practice random acts of kindness.
It doesn’t take any planning or pre-thought. Just do it. Hold a door for a stranger. Do the dishes even though it’s not your “turn.” Smile at someone who passes you in the hallway. Show interest in the salesclerk as a person.
The great thing about being kind is you don’t have to “feel like it” to do it. As Samuel Johnson wrote in the 1700’s,
“Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.”
There’s been a movement to encourage random acts of kindness. That’s great. It makes the world a better place.
But your relationships are built on conscious acts of kindness, not random ones you occasionally remember or do.
So…
► 3. Use conscious acts of kindness.
In other words, decide that you will find some ways to be kind today and every day. Be deliberate about it. Don’t wait until the “mood” strikes you or you have the “time.” Consciously look for ways to spread kindness.
For example, instead of taking your partner for granted, decide to treat your partner as your best friend. You remember things that are important to your best friend. You do things for your best friend. And you would never use sarcasm, utter put downs, or forget promises you make. Those are all conscious acts of kindness.
If you attend an off-site conference that had significant value for you and would also help your coworkers, offer to teach them some of the highlights of what you learned. It could be a real gift, as well as another conscious act of kindness.
Still another tip. Take time to show appreciation. People crave it and never get too much. In fact, the number one job complaint is the same in all the companies where I speak. People say, “You can do a hundred things right and not hear a darn thing about it, but do one thing wrong and they’re right on your back.”
That is not a very smart or effective way to lead or motivate anyone. Simple recognition and appreciation are small acts of kindness that can go a long way in bringing out the best in others.
Look for three people you can recognize, praise, or encourage this week. It’s a conscious act of kindness that will be a win-win for everyone involved. And you don’t even have to be a 102 to pull this off!