Brighten Your Relationships Now: Two Easy Tips
At Christmas, we celebrate the birth of a baby who brought LIGHT into the world. It’s wonderful. But did you ever stop to think that every one of us brings LIGHT or DARKNESS into our relationships?
Sometimes you bring LIGHT. You say some things that put more hope and life into your personal and professional relationships. At other times you bring DARKNESS. You do some things that kill off the hope and life in your relationships.
Today I want to share two quick, easy, and simple tips that will bring more LIGHT to your relationships, on and off the job.
Businessman asleep at desk with notes
► 1. Refuse to use sarcasm.
Sarcasm always darkens your relationships because it always destroys a piece of the other person. It makes the other person the butt of jokes and the object of scorn. Sarcasm puts the other person down instead of lifting him up.
Unfortunately, sarcasm is one of the more common forms of communication these days. Almost every TV sitcom is filled with sarcasm, and in many cases, it is the only form of humor used. It’s one put down after another. So it’s no wonder that people begin to think that sarcasm is funny, witty, and even okay to use in their own relationships.
Examples are everywhere. One plumbing company in northeast Pennsylvania uses the slogan, “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” I admit it’s clever, but I also wonder about the put downs some spouses give each other when their attempted home repairs don’t work out.
Sarcasm is used way too often when people are faced with a conflict. In fact, some people spend more time looking for clever lines to deliver in the midst of conflict than they do looking for skills to resolve the conflict. It’s like the person who said, “I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.” And someone else said, “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.”
Refuse to use sarcasm, no matter how clever you sound or how much you want to say it. Sarcasm may be okay for the sitcoms, but just remember, sitcoms aren’t reality. In the world you and I live in, sarcasm only DARKENS your relationships.
► 2. Show kindness every day.
That’s right. Make it a point to consciously, consistently show kindness every day.
Whether it’s your customer, your coworker, or someone at home, simply ask yourself,
“What can I do right now to make that person’s life a little better?”
Maybe you listen for thirty seconds, give a compliment, help carry a package, find a telephone number, or let someone else go first in line. Just do something to bring more LIGHT into that person’s world. You’ll both feel better and even strengthen your relationship.
Remember this: You can always do something to show kindness.
And remember this: Your kindness always has a positive ripple effect.
I remember an American family visiting France many years ago during a very tough economic time. It was Christmas Eve and it was a cold, depressing, rainy evening. They were tired and irritable. Their car had broken down so they stopped at a dismal little restaurant about dinnertime.
There were only five tables in the room that were occupied. One had a French family and they were fighting. The French father slapped his little son and he was crying loudly. A German family was also arguing. The wife was berating her husband. And over in a corner a piano player was listlessly playing Christmas music. The only person in the room who seemed happy was an American sailor. He was writing a letter to his sweetheart, judging from his facial expression, and had a half-smile on his face.
Then there came an uncomfortable draft of cold air. Through the open door came an old woman, a seller of flowers. Water was dripping off her long overcoat and her shoes were soggy wet. She held in her hands a few little corsages. She went over to the American family and said, “Flowers, monsieur? Only one franc.” But no, they didn’t want any. Then she approached the French family: “One franc, monsieur?” They didn’t want any either. Nor did the German family want a corsage.
So she sat down, discouraged, and said to the piano player, “Joseph, it’s Christmas Eve and I haven’t sold any flowers all day long.” She called to the waiter and said, “A bowl of soup, please.” Turning back to the piano player, she continued, “Joseph, think of it–only a bowl of soup on Christmas Eve.” He pointed to his tipping plate which was empty. A glum, semi-hostile silence descended on them all.
Then the sailor finished his letter and walked over to the old flower woman and said, “Madame, how much are your flowers?”
“One franc, monsieur.”
“I’ll take two corsages.” He pressed one flat, put it in with the letter and sealed the envelope. Then he handed her a twenty-franc note.
“I have no change, monsieur,” she said.
“Ah, that’s my Christmas gift to you. You know, you somehow remind me of my grandmother.” Then he leaned down, kissed her cheek and said, “Happy Christmas!”
The sailor then took the other corsage and walked over to the American family, bowed to the husband and said, “Sir, will you permit me to present this corsage to your beautiful daughter?” And with that he was gone.
Then Christmas exploded in the restaurant. The old flower woman danced around and said to Joseph, “This is my Christmas present! I’m going to give half of it to you so that we can have a feast together! Isn’t it wonderful?” And the pianist was pounding out Christmas melodies like never before and the beautiful “daughter,” alias the wife, had stars in her eyes as she smelled the flowers.
Then they began to sing, in German, French and English, the old carols that span all languages: “Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht,” “O Tannenbaum,” and so on.
The place was filled with music, so much so that the American went home and wrote a letter to the admiral of the fleet and said, “Somewhere in your forces is a young sailor who gave a very special gift to my family, to me and to the other people in that French restaurant. Because your young sailor had the Christmas spirit in his soul, he released the love and joy that had been smothered within us by anger and disappointment. He gave us Christmas.”
That’s how kindness works. When you bring LIGHT to someone’s life, not only do you make their life a little better, you also start a wave of kindness that spreads to others.
► Action Challenge:
Take on the kindness challenge. For one week, show a little kindness to every person you meet. Watch their response. Pay attention to how you feel. And figure out a way to integrate conscious persistent kindness into your life. And there’s no better time to start this practice than right now, as we celebrate Christmas and New Year’s.
Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue 1275-Brighten Your Relationships Now: Two Easy Tips
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