►3. Accept the fact that sincere apologies are good for your soul.
Don’t ever think it’s beneath your dignity to apologize if you make a mistake. Rather than decreasing your self-esteem, you’ll feel better about yourself for having the courage to do what is right.
I think of one teacher who asked his adult students to think of things from their past that made them feel ashamed or regretful. He suggested that they find ways to apologize–or right the wrongs–if at all possible.
The next week in class one of his students, Jimmy Calkins, reported that he had done that. Twenty years before back in high school, he and two friends had climbed the water tower in a small Iowa town. In bright red letters, they wrote on the tower, “Sheriff Brown is a S.O.B.!”
The sheriff apprehended the boys the next day. The other boys confessed, but Jimmy lied. He denied any involvement and escaped punishment.
Jimmy said he didn’t know if Sheriff Brown was alive or not. But he looked up the number and called. Sheriff Brown answered and he heard, “This is Jimmy Calkins. And I want you to know that I did it.”
“I knew it,” Brown yelled back. They had a good laugh as they conversed.
The real lesson came in Brown’s closing words. He said, “Jimmy, I always felt badly for you because your buddies got it off their chest and I know you were carrying it around all these years. I want to thank you for calling me–for your sake.”
Too many people these days are more concerned with looking good than actually doing good. Appearance seems to be more important to them than their character. For your own soul, I want you to realize how healthy and good it is to take responsibility, own your mistakes, and confess your mistakes.
►4. Learn to let it go if the other person refuses to apologize.
Of course, there are other times when people have hurt you or screwed up in some way. And they indeed “owe” you an apology, but it never comes. That’s when you need this fourth tip.
You always have a choice in how you will respond to those difficult people. You can get bitter or better. You can hold a grudge or let it go. I recommend the latter.
For example, last week I went to buy a loaf of bread at the bakery. No one was in the store except the clerk and her friend. They talked on and on about last night’s party, totally ignoring me. She eventually waited on me, but she offered no apology and offered me very little service.
I had a choice to make. I could get bitter about her abysmal treatment. Or I could get better and refuse to let her ruin my day.
Similarly, I went to the doctor’s office. The receptionist was behind the desk, filing some papers. I waited patiently for quite a while, coughed slightly a couple of times to get her attention, and continued to wait. She then told me I shouldn’t interrupt her while she was working. And no apology.
There was a part of me that wanted to get bitter. As comedian Steve Martin would have said, “Well EXCUSE ME!” But I decided to get better and tried to win her over with polite, respectful behavior. After all, I wanted an advocate, not an enemy, in my doctor’s office.
Final Thought: None of us is so perfect that we don’t owe others an apology once in a while.
