Before the meeting is over, you’re wondering whether you’ll still have a job in six months. The person next to you is excited about what the new technology might make possible.

The same announcement. Two very different reactions.

Maybe it’s today’s midterm elections that have you on edge. Or maybe it’s an unexpected responsibility at home, a new boss, or a change you saw coming and still weren’t ready for.

As I tell my clients …

All progress is the result of change. But not all change is progress.

Some changes hurt. Some deserve to be challenged. And sometimes the hardest part is lying awake, replaying the news or rehearsing an argument, wondering what on earth you’re supposed to do tomorrow.

When that happens, take out a sheet of paper and work through these three steps.

1. Name your concern

By the time you reach the parking lot after that meeting, you’re figuring out how you’d pay the bills if you lost your job.

What did your boss actually say? What did your mind fill in?

You know your department is bringing in AI. You still have questions about which tasks will change, what you’ll be expected to learn, and what it means for your job.

Finish this sentence. “The part of this change that concerns me most is _.”

Maybe your answer is, “I’m afraid I won’t be able to learn the new system fast enough.”

Now you have a question you can take to your boss. “What will I need to learn first, and will I have time to practice before we start using it?”

2. Find your influence

Your boss tells you the new system will help process customer orders. You know from experience that some customers have special instructions that are easy to miss.

Ask yourself, “What part of this change can I influence?”

The decision to introduce AI may already be made. You can still help shape how your department uses it. Try saying, “Some of our customers have standing instructions that are easy to miss. Could we test the system on ten sample orders and see whether it catches them?”

You’ve raised a concern and given people something they can work on with you. That’s Engaged Cooperation. You can have reservations about a change and still help make it work better.

3. Take your next step

Before you spend another evening worrying about the new system, think of one coworker who’s tried it. Ask, “Would you spend 15 minutes tomorrow showing me how you’d handle a customer order?”

Give yourself a deadline. “By noon tomorrow, I’ll ask for a demonstration.”

You might still wonder what AI means for your job. But seeing how one familiar task works in the new system will give you a better idea of what to practice next. That’s a better place to be when you put your head on the pillow tomorrow night.

Before you close this email, think of one change that’s been on your mind. Finish these three sentences.

– What concerns me most is _.

– The part I can influence is _.

– By this time tomorrow, I will _.

If your next step takes a conversation, write down who you’ll talk to and when.

Join me tonight for Engaged Cooperation

Tonight, November 3 at 7:00 p.m. ET, we begin Engaged Cooperation, one of the pillars of NEXT-LEVEL YOU. We’ll look at five reasons people won’t cooperate and what you can do to earn their willing cooperation, even when they start out seeing things differently.

You can join as a Founding Member and lock in your rate of $37 per month. If you decide to cancel for any reason, request a full refund within your first 30 days. No hassle.

Bring one change you’re facing and one conversation you’d like to handle better.

Join NEXT-LEVEL YOU – Direct Message Me

Keep on growing. The best is yet to come!

Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Hall of Fame Speaker | Executive Coach | Author

The post When Change Is Out of Your Hands, What Can You Do? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

I’ve spent more than 40 years working with people. And one thing continues to amaze me.

People who would never dream of giving away their house, their car, or their life savings willingly give away something far more valuable.

Their personal power.

They give it to their boss, their spouse, their coworkers, their past, and sometimes even to complete strangers.

How?

By convincing themselves that somebody else is responsible for how they feel, how they behave, or how their lives turn out.

And here’s the unfortunate part. Most people don’t even realize they’re doing it.

I know. Because I was one of them.

A rather embarrassing confession

I learned this lesson the hard way in my own marriage.

There was a time when I convinced myself that my wife was so difficult and unreasonable that we could never work things out. After all, how could I possibly improve our relationship when she was the problem?

So what did I do?

I accepted more and more speaking engagements. The more I traveled, the less time I had to spend at home dealing with our communication problems.

And that suited me just fine.

After all, it was a whole lot easier to stand in front of hundreds of people and tell them how to communicate effectively than it was to go home and practice those same skills with my own wife.

Looking back, I was being a chicken. And a hypocrite.

Here I was, an international expert in communication, teaching other people how to handle difficult relationships while avoiding the challenges in my own.

Then one day, I had to face an uncomfortable truth.

If I kicked the person responsible for so many of my problems, I wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week!

Ouch!

I realized that as long as I kept focusing on what was wrong with my wife, I was avoiding the one person whose behavior I actually had the power to change.

Me.

Now don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying every problem in our marriage was my fault. Marriage involves two people, and both have responsibilities.

But I finally recognized that I couldn’t keep waiting for my wife to change before I made an effort to change myself.

And that’s when I began to take back the personal power I had been giving away.

The excuses we don’t even recognize

We’re remarkably good at explaining why things aren’t working in our lives. Sometimes those explanations are so reasonable that we fail to recognize them for what they really are.

Excuses disguised as explanations.

I’m certainly not suggesting that everything that happens to you is your fault. Bad things happen to good people. People face serious setbacks and circumstances they never chose.

But remember this distinction:

You may not be responsible for what happened to you. But you can take responsibility for what you do next.

That’s one of the skills we develop in my NEXT-LEVEL YOU community. Recognizing an ineffective habit is a start. Learning how to replace it with something better is what gets results.

Here are three traps to watch for.

1. Watch out for the “If Only” trap.

“If only I had a better boss.”

“If only my spouse were more understanding.”

“If only I had more time.”

Sound familiar? I’ve heard hundreds of variations. And I’ll bet you’ve said a few yourself.

The problem isn’t that these statements are necessarily untrue. The problem is that the “If Only” trap puts your future on hold until somebody or something else changes.

“I’d be more motivated if I had a better boss.” Maybe so. But does that excuse doing less than your best work?

“I’d have a better marriage if my spouse would change.” That one sounds painfully familiar!

Instead of waiting for other people to change, ask yourself:

“What can I do to improve this situation, even if nothing else changes?”

2. Recognize an excuse wearing a disguise.

One of the most dangerous things about excuses is that they often contain some truth.

“I just don’t have time to exercise.”

Maybe you do have a demanding schedule. That doesn’t mean every obstacle can be overcome, but have you looked for a realistic ten-minute opportunity?

Or how about, “I’m just not good at handling conflict.”

Is that a permanent condition? Or a skill you haven’t learned yet?

Perhaps you had some terrible experiences with conflict. That’s understandable. But it doesn’t mean you can’t learn a better way.

A reason explains what happened. An excuse explains why you’re not going to do anything about it.

The next time you tell yourself something isn’t possible, ask:

“Is this a genuine obstacle I need to work around, or an excuse I’m using to avoid taking action?”

That question may make you uncomfortable. Good. Sometimes discomfort is the beginning of growth.

3. Stop letting other people control your emotional thermostat.

“He makes me so angry!”

“She ruined my whole day!”

“Those people drive me crazy!”

Ever said those things? I have.

Think about what those statements imply. Somebody else gets to decide whether you’re angry, happy, frustrated, or miserable.

That’s an awful lot of power to hand over!

Imagine having a thermostat in your home that everybody who walks through the door gets to adjust. One person turns it up. Another turns it down. Somebody sets it to freezing.

You’d be miserable.

Yet that’s what happens when every irritating remark or disappointing decision determines how you behave.

Of course, feelings are real. You can’t always control an emotional reaction. But you can learn to manage what you do next.

You can feel angry without saying something cruel. You can feel disappointed without giving up.

You don’t have to deny your feelings. You have to decide what you’re going to do with them.

Three questions to take back your power

So how do you put all this into practice? Start with three questions.

1. What am I telling myself?

“I’m too old.” “I’m not good with people.” “Nothing ever works out for me.”

Are these facts, or stories you’ve repeated so often you’ve started believing them?

2. What is actually within my control?

You may not control your boss’s decisions or somebody else’s personality. But you can often control your preparation, communication, effort, and next step.

3. What’s one thing I can do about it TODAY?

Not next month. Not when life settles down. Today.

Have the conversation you’ve been avoiding. Ask for help. Learn one skill. Take one step toward the goal you’ve been postponing.

You don’t become more powerful by waiting for life to get easier. You become more powerful by learning how to respond more effectively to the life you’ve got.

Your Tuesday Tip challenge

For the next 24 hours, listen to your own explanations. When you catch yourself saying “I can’t because…” or “If only…” ask:

“Am I describing a problem, or am I using that problem to excuse my inaction?”

Then take one constructive step. It doesn’t have to solve everything. It just has to move you forward.

Blame looks backward. Responsibility moves forward.

Keep on growing. The best is yet to come!

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Hall of Fame Speaker | Executive Coach | Author

P.S. Give NEXT-LEVEL YOU a full month to prove itself.

Knowing WHAT to do isn’t enough. You need to know HOW to do it—and practice until it becomes a habit.

That’s why I created NEXT-LEVEL YOU, a private online community for people who want better attitudes, stronger relationships, greater confidence, and more effective communication and accountability.

Join at the $37-per-month Founding Member rate and give yourself a full month to experience it. Attend a live class. Watch replays at your convenience. Explore the handouts and tools. Try the skills in your own life.

If you decide during your first 30 days that NEXT-LEVEL YOU isn’t right for you, just tell me. I’ll refund your $37 promptly. No hassle. No hard feelings. Your membership will be canceled so there are no further charges.

Why? Because NEXT-LEVEL YOU isn’t for everybody. It’s for people who really want to grow. I want you to be glad you joined. Otherwise, I don’t want your money.

Explore NEXT-LEVEL YOU and become a Founding Member.

Membership continues at $37 per month until canceled. Your first 30 days are covered by the refund promise above.

Your next level isn’t somebody else’s responsibility. It’s yours.

The post Are You Giving Away Your Personal Power Without Even Knowing It? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Dr. Alan Zimmerman’s Comment:

You can receive a dozen compliments and one criticism.

Later that evening, which one are you still thinking about?

Too often, we give the most discouraging voice the most attention. And before long, someone else’s opinion starts sounding like a fact about who we are.

“You’re too sensitive.”

“You’re not leadership material.”

“At your age, why bother?”

A comment can take five seconds to deliver and occupy your thinking for five years. But you don’t have to keep giving it that much room.

I had to learn that myself.

Early in my years of writing these Tuesday Tips, one reader sent me several long, highly critical emails. I sat down to answer one of them as kindly and professionally as I could.

For more than an hour, I wrote and rewrote my response. And I still wasn’t satisfied.

Then something hit me: I had never spent an entire hour writing a letter to my parents.

These were two of the most important people in my life. They sacrificed to give me a solid education, upright values, and a chance to be more successful than they were. They didn’t go to fancy restaurants or buy new cars. They put my needs ahead of their wants.

Yet here I was, giving a habitual critic more attention than I had given to thanking my parents.

That didn’t make much sense.

I threw away the letter and went on to something more worthwhile.

Perhaps you’ve done something similar. You’ve spent an evening defending yourself in your head while someone who loves you was sitting in the next room.

Here are four ways to give criticism its proper place.

1. Separate useful feedback from a personal label.

“You interrupted me twice during the meeting” gives you something specific to examine and change.

“You’re impossible to work with” gives you a label.

Before you accept someone’s criticism, ask yourself:

“Does this comment identify something I can improve—or does it simply put me down?”

Sometimes you need to ask a follow-up question: “Can you give me an example?”

There may be useful feedback behind a poorly worded comment. Listen for it. You can correct a behavior without condemning yourself as a person.

Perhaps you handled a conversation poorly. You may need to apologize and handle the next conversation differently. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure.

2. Spend more time with people who help you grow.

Think about the people you turn to when you’re discouraged. Who helps you see the situation more clearly? Who reminds you of your abilities while being honest about what you need to improve?

Make time for those people.

The people who believe in you won’t necessarily agree with everything you say. They care enough to tell you the truth and help you do something useful with it.

You may not be able to choose every coworker or relative. But you can choose whose advice you seek and whom you call for encouragement.

This is one reason I created NEXT-LEVEL YOU.

Reading your Tuesday Tip is a good habit. You’re feeding your mind useful ideas and taking time to think about how you live and work. Keep doing that.

But knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things.

You can read about positive self-talk in the morning and spend the afternoon putting yourself down. The benefit comes when you catch yourself and practice a different response.

Inside NEXT-LEVEL YOU, we use live sessions, replays, worksheets, and member conversations to help you apply what you’re learning. Our focus is on helping you practice something different so you see real changes in your life.

One of our members, Jenny, described a change she was noticing:

“I’m becoming less explosive and becoming more aware of my responses.”

That’s the kind of progress that matters when a conversation gets difficult.

Try NEXT-LEVEL YOU free for 7 days. Start with one situation you’d like to handle better. Join a live session or watch a replay, then use a worksheet to put an idea into practice. Every session stands on its own, so there’s no catching up to do.

Start your 7-day free trial

Need help signing up? Email me, and I’ll help you get started.

3. Give criticism a reasonable amount of your time.

Some feedback deserves a careful conversation. An ongoing work problem may need to be addressed. A damaged relationship may need an apology.

But repeatedly defending yourself to someone who keeps attacking your character can consume hours without improving anything.

Before writing another lengthy reply, ask, “What useful outcome am I trying to achieve?”

If you need clarification, ask for it. If you owe an apology, give it. If you have already answered fairly and there is nothing more to resolve, you can stop responding.

I wish I had asked myself that question before spending an hour rewriting that email.

Who deserves some of the time you’ve been giving your critic?

4. Build confidence with evidence and action.

When you catch yourself saying, “I never do anything right,” stop and check the facts.

Maybe you kept a difficult promise, helped a customer, or worked through a problem you didn’t know how to solve at first.

Write it down so one discouraging comment doesn’t erase what you know you’ve done well.

Then take one useful step before you feel completely confident. If you’ve been holding back an idea at work, prepare your thoughts and offer it at the next meeting. If you handled a conversation badly, go back and try again.

You give yourself another reason to believe in your abilities every time you follow through.

Action for this week

Choose one critical comment you keep replaying.

Ask: “Is there something useful here that I can act on?”

If there is, write down one thing you will do differently in your next conversation. If it is simply a hurtful label, remind yourself: “That is someone’s opinion. I don’t have to accept it as a fact about me.”

This week, also thank someone who has helped you believe in yourself.

Give the people who build you up some of the attention you’ve been giving the person who put you down.

The post Stop Giving Critics So Much Power appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

But wanting to do it all can get you into trouble. You can fill your days so full that you have little energy left to enjoy them.

Maybe you know what I mean. You say yes and immediately wish you hadn’t. You sit down with someone you love, but your mind is somewhere else. You finally get a quiet evening, but you can’t relax.

And when someone asks how you’re doing, you say, “Fine. Just busy.”

Are you fine? Or have you gotten so used to stress that you’ve started calling it normal?

You don’t need a packed calendar to feel overloaded. Worry, relationship problems, and your own expectations can wear you out, too.

The good news is you can do something about it. You can’t control everything life hands you, but you can change some of the habits that make it harder. Start with one or two of these six strategies.

1. Be honest with yourself

Do small things irritate you more than they used to? Do you keep postponing something you enjoy? Are the people you love getting your shortest answers and your sharpest tone?

You may still be getting things done. But what is it costing you?

Your ACTION step:

Finish this sentence: “My current stress is costing me ______.”

Then choose one change for this week. Say no to one request. Ask for help. Be honest about what you can reasonably carry.

2. Do more of what matters most

You say your health and relationships matter. Does your calendar agree?

An appointment gets a definite time. A walk or a visit with a friend gets “when things settle down.” And that time never comes.

There isn’t time for everything. Don’t major in the minors.

Your ACTION step:

Ask, “What would I regret neglecting for another year?”

Put one thing that matters on this week’s calendar and protect that time.

And get a little help putting this into practice

Knowing what to change is one thing. Following through can be harder. That’s where NEXT-LEVEL YOU can help.

We explore Refreshing BALANCE and practical ways to strengthen your confidence, communication, relationships, purpose, and leadership. You get live classes with me, guest interviews, replays, useful handouts and assessments, and an encouraging community. Every class stands alone. You’re never behind, and you don’t have to do everything.

Try it FREE for seven days. Join my interview Tuesday, October 13, at 7 p.m. ET, with David McNally—bestselling author, award-winning film producer, and Speakers Hall of Fame member. He has survived cancer and lost both his wives. We’ll talk about finding purpose and moving forward when life hasn’t gone as planned.

During your free week, join the interview, explore a replay that interests you, and try one useful idea. See whether it helps with something that matters in your life.

Cancel before your seven-day trial ends and pay no membership fee. A credit card is required at signup, and membership automatically continues at $37 a month unless you cancel. You can cancel anytime. Set a reminder for day six so you have time to decide.

Start your FREE 7-day trial here

And get a little help putting this into practice

Now, here are four more ways to bring your stress down and your balance up.

3. Choose your fights carefully

You spend twenty minutes answering an irritating social media comment. Or you replay someone’s remark all afternoon. Has any of that made your day better?

Some issues need a conversation. Others need to be dropped.

Ask yourself: “Does this matter? Does it need my attention? Can I make a difference?”

Your ACTION step:

Choose one irritation to stop feeding. Address it calmly if a solution is needed. Otherwise, let it go.

4. Balance your “get” goals and “be” goals

You want to “get” a project finished, “get” the house organized, or “get” more money saved. Fine. But who are you becoming while you pursue those goals?

More patient? More confident? Or simply more hurried?

There’s more to a good life than getting things done. Are you becoming someone you respect—and someone others enjoy being around?

Your ACTION step:

Pair one “get” goal with one “be” goal. Make it specific: “I want to be more present, so I’ll put my phone away during dinner.”

5. Accept that life is unfinished

I was raised to finish my work before I could play. But in adult life, the work keeps coming.

If you need an empty to-do list before you rest, you’ll rarely rest. There will always be another email, another errand, another request.

Your ACTION step:

Leave one nonurgent task unfinished. Take twenty minutes to walk, read, listen to music, or do something that refreshes you. The laundry can wait.

6. Increase your appreciation

One day, I took a walk by myself and said out loud, with meaning and enthusiasm, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” I repeated those words a thousand times.

That simple exercise changed something for me. When stress came along, a thought of thankfulness began popping into my mind and weakening the stress.

Gratitude doesn’t erase a problem. But it helps keep that problem from becoming all you see.

Your ACTION step:

Name three specific things you appreciate. Then thank someone for something specific. You don’t have to repeat “thank you” a thousand times to begin.

Choose one and start

Please don’t turn these six ideas into six more obligations. Pick one and use it this week.

And if you’d like my help along the way, start your FREE seven-day trial of NEXT-LEVEL YOU and join David McNally and me Tuesday, October 13, at 7 p.m. ET.

Try one useful idea. See what the community offers. Cancel before your trial ends and pay no membership fee.

NEXT-LEVEL YOU signup link

Keep on growing. The best is yet to come!

Dr. Alan Zimmerman

The post When did this much stress become normal? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Text box: If you don’t have a goal, you don’t get the gold.

Dr. Alan Zimmerman’s Comment:

Think of something you wanted to do a year ago. Something that mattered to you.

Have you done anything about it? Or are you still saying, “One of these days”?

Sometimes life gives you good reasons to wait. But sometimes you’re ready to begin and just keep putting it off. Only you know which is true for you.

Most of us have something like that. And if we’re not careful, we’ll be talking about the same thing a year from now.

I learned something about goals when I was seven. I wanted a bicycle, and I knew exactly which one: the fancy bike with white sidewall tires and streamers hanging from the handlebars.

My family was poor. We could afford a used bike. We couldn’t afford the one I wanted.

So I started selling greeting cards door to door. My first goal was to sell a few boxes to people within a square mile of our house and earn money for that bike.

And I bought it.

But I kept selling. One goal led to another, and by twelve, I had a small international import business. I imported shoes from Czechoslovakia, watches from France, cuckoo clocks from Germany, and other goods that I sold door to door.

My delivery fleet consisted of one bicycle and a wagon. I pulled the wagon behind my bike, taking my merchandise through the neighborhood.

I wanted that bicycle badly enough to knock on doors. That’s the question worth asking about your own goal: Does it matter enough to you to do something about it today?

Your goal may have nothing to do with earning money. You may want a better relationship with your spouse, a healthier routine, or something worthwhile to do with your retirement. You may want to learn a skill or finish a project that’s been sitting half-done for years.

Whatever it is, wishing for it won’t give you much to work with. A clear goal will.

Here are three reasons to give yourself one.

1. GOALS BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE.

People often tell me, “I’d like to try, but I’m not very confident.”

I understand. It’s hard to believe you can do something when you haven’t done it before. But waiting to feel confident can keep you waiting a long time.

Give yourself a small goal and work on it. Make the call. Finish the first lesson. Write the first page. Then you have something to point to: “I did that.”

That’s how my confidence grew. Selling those cards gave me a reason to try something else, and then something else after that.

If you’ve let yourself down with promises you haven’t kept, don’t make ten more promises. Choose one you can keep this week. Give yourself some evidence that you can follow through.

2. GOALS GIVE YOUR ENERGY A DIRECTION.

You can be busy all day and still feel as though you didn’t do anything that mattered to you. You answered messages, ran errands, and took care of everyone else’s needs. Your own plans got whatever time was left over.

Usually, there wasn’t any.

A goal helps you decide what deserves a place in your day. Maybe you’ll spend twenty minutes learning a language for an upcoming trip. Maybe you’ll record a few family stories for your grandchildren. Maybe you’ll volunteer for a cause you care about.

And if you’re retired, please don’t assume your goal-setting days are over. You can retire from a job without retiring from learning, contributing, or trying something new.

You don’t need a goal that impresses your neighbors. You need one that gives you a reason to get moving.

3. GOALS HELP YOU OVERCOME OBSTACLES.

It’s easy to start when you’re excited. Then life gets busy, something goes wrong, and you wonder whether it’s worth the effort.

A goal gives you a reason to take another look before you quit.

Suppose you want a closer relationship with someone. One awkward conversation doesn’t have to end the effort. If you’ve decided to call each week and listen without interrupting, you have something specific to practice the next time.

You may need to change your approach. You may need help. You may need a different deadline. Sometimes you need to rethink the goal.

But don’t give up simply because your first attempt didn’t go the way you hoped. Ask yourself, “What can I do differently?”

ACTION: PICK ONE THING. START TODAY.

Take five minutes and choose something you want to work on over the next thirty days. Write down:

By __________, I will __________.

This matters to me because __________.

Within the next 24 hours, I will __________.

Be specific. “Have a closer family” doesn’t tell you what to do. “Call one family member every Sunday for the next four weeks and listen for fifteen minutes without distractions” does.

Put your first step on your calendar. Tell someone who will ask you about it.

Then set aside ten minutes four weeks from today to check: What did I do? What got in the way? What will I do next?

Don’t just write the goal and put it in a drawer. Come back to it.

COME WORK ON IT WITH ME.

Marilyn Schilling, an Administrative Office Manager, described her results from my live, online program:

“Your affirmation process got me focused on goals, and your affirmations helped me achieve my goals.” … “I started a weight-loss program and have already lost 10 pounds.” … “I’ve made progress on projects that I didn’t think I could do before.” … “I am no longer letting the negative talk get into my head, and my positive attitude is coming back because of what you taught me.”

You just wrote a goal above. Now comes the part that matters: making time for it when life gets busy.

If you’ve started and stopped before, come work on the skills that help you follow through in NEXT-LEVEL YOU.

In our weekly live classes, you’ll learn practical skills, ask questions, and practice with others. Replays are available when you can’t attend.

GOAL Mastery is one of our twelve pillars. We also work on confidence, purpose, and accountability—the things you need when knowing what to do isn’t enough.

Bring one goal that matters to you. Put the classes on your calendar, participate, and use what you learn.

Explore NEXT-LEVEL YOU—start your seven-day free trial.

Try NEXT-LEVEL YOU free for seven days. Membership then automatically continues at the Founding Member price of $37 a month unless you cancel before the trial ends.

A year from now, what would you love to say you finally did?

Give it a goal. Take the first step today.

The post How Long Have You Been Saying “Someday”? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

They had set aside an evening and printed the handouts. I felt terrible. I couldn’t give them that time back, but I could apologize and offer them another chance to attend. So I did.

The technology caused the problem. My response was my responsibility.

That’s one thing I’ve learned in more than 40 years of working with people: professionalism becomes visible when keeping your word is inconvenient, when someone tests your patience, or when something goes wrong.

I’ve also seen a shocking lack of professionalism. People miss deadlines without a word. They are courteous to the boss and rude to the receptionist. They turn in careless work, then get offended when someone asks them to correct it. Some have impressive titles and credentials, yet leave a trail of frustrated people behind them.

They may think they’re professionals. But professionalism isn’t a title you give yourself. It’s what other people experience when they deal with you. What do they experience when they deal with you?

Here are ten ways to find out. As you read, resist the urge to think of someone else who needs this list. I can almost guarantee you’ll think of a name or two! The greater value is in finding the one or two items you could improve.

1. You keep your word. If you promise a call on Thursday, you make the call. If you can’t deliver what you promised, you say so before someone has to ask. Reliability is built one kept commitment at a time.

2. You respect other people’s time. You arrive when you said you would. You come prepared. If you’re running late, you let people know. “I’m busy” doesn’t mean everyone else has time to spare.

3. You check your work. Before you send the email, turn in the report, or declare the job finished, you look it over. You ask, “Will the person receiving this have what they need—and confidence that I got it right?”

4. You give people your attention. You put the phone down. You let them finish a sentence. You listen to understand what they mean, even when you’re eager to tell them what you think.

5. You treat everyone with courtesy. Watch how someone speaks to a server, receptionist, new employee, or volunteer. Respect that appears only when a person has power or influence isn’t much respect at all.

6. You speak about people as carefully as you speak to them. You don’t build a connection with one person by putting down another. If there’s a problem, you address it with the person who can do something about it.

7. You stay civil when you’re frustrated. You can disagree firmly. You can ask for a mistake to be corrected. You don’t need to raise your voice or send the cutting reply you’ll regret tomorrow.

8. You consider the people affected by your decisions. When you change a plan, tell the people it affects early. Ask for their input when you can. Don’t leave them to discover the change after it has disrupted their day.

9. You own your mistakes. “I made a mistake. I’m sorry. Here’s what I’m doing to fix it.” Those words may be uncomfortable, but they do far more good than a long explanation of whose fault it really was.

10. You keep learning. Experience can make you better, but it can also convince you that you have nothing left to learn. A professional welcomes feedback and changes course when it’s warranted.

You probably do many of these things well. I hope so. But don’t judge your professionalism by your intentions or by your best day. Think about how you behave when you’re rushed, tired, disappointed, or dealing with someone who can do nothing for you.

Then ask someone you trust: “Which one of these ten do I most need to work on?”

Listen to the answer. That may be the most professional thing you do this week.

Keep on growing. The best is yet to come!

Dr. Alan Zimmerman

P.S. Professionalism draws on skills we practice in NEXT-LEVEL YOU—especially communication, trust, and accountability. If you’d like to work on those skills with me, try NEXT-LEVEL YOU free for 7 days. After seven days, membership automatically continues at $37/month unless you cancel before the trial ends.

The post Are You as Professional as You Think You Are? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

But if you had looked at my calendar, you might have reached a different conclusion.

Early in my speaking career, I traveled constantly. I was building my business, serving my clients, and doing work I believed mattered. But I was gone so often that I missed many of my children’s activities and important moments.

Of course, I had plenty of explanations. I was in demand. I had commitments. I had bills to pay.

But eventually, I had to face an uncomfortable truth: I could not keep saying my children were a priority while giving so much of my time to everything else.

If I wanted to live with integrity, I had to bring my schedule into alignment with what I said mattered most. So I cut back on my travel and spent more time with my children.

That decision taught me something I have never forgotten:

Purpose is not what you say is important. Purpose is what your choices prove is important.

You can be busy without being purposeful

Many people have never given much thought to their purpose. They get up, go to work, collect a paycheck, pay the bills, raise the children, complete their chores, and repeat the cycle.

Those are necessary and often honorable responsibilities. But they do not automatically create a meaningful life.

You can be extremely busy and still be drifting.

You can accomplish a great deal and still wonder, “Is this all there is?”

You can climb the ladder of success only to discover it was leaning against the wrong wall.

That happens when your life is controlled by pressures instead of guided by priorities.

Pressure asks, “What is demanding my attention right now?”

Purpose asks, “What is truly worthy of my life?”

Without a clear purpose, the urgent will almost always crowd out the important. Other people’s expectations will shape your calendar. Distractions will consume your energy. And years can pass without your ever deciding what you really want your life to stand for.

Here is a revealing question:

If someone studied your calendar, your spending, and your conversations for the last 30 days, what would that person conclude is your real purpose?

Purpose is larger than your profession

Some people assume that purpose must be a particular career or one great mission that changes the world.

It doesn’t.

Your purpose may be expressed through your work, but it is larger than your job title. It can shape the kind of spouse, parent, friend, leader, neighbor, or grandparent you choose to be.

And purpose does not disappear when you retire.

You may retire from a position, but you should never retire from making a difference.

Whether you are 25 or 85, purpose gives you a reason to get up, grow, contribute, and invest yourself in something beyond mere comfort and convenience.

Three questions that reveal your purpose

If you are not sure about your purpose, begin with three deceptively simple questions.

1. What are you good at?

You have talents, abilities, experiences, and personal qualities that can be used to help others.

Ask yourself:

• What comes naturally to me?
• What do people frequently ask me to do?
• What have I done that earned the appreciation of others?
• What can I do well, even when it requires considerable effort?

If you have trouble answering those questions, ask five people who know you well, “What strengths or talents do you see in me?”

Do not dismiss their answers because those abilities seem ordinary to you. What feels ordinary to you may be extremely valuable to someone else.

2. What excites you?

Purpose is closely connected to what makes you come alive.

Ask yourself:

• What activities give me energy?
• What do I enjoy talking, reading, or learning about?
• What desire keeps tugging at my heart?
• What would I attempt if I knew I could not fail?
• What problem troubles me so deeply that I want to do something about it?

Pay attention to both your joy and your frustration. Your joy points toward what you love. Your frustration may point toward a problem you were meant to help solve.

3. What difference do you want to make?

In the end, purpose is not merely about personal achievement. It is about contribution.

You do not have to become famous, build a huge organization, or influence millions of people. You can make a profound difference in one family, one workplace, one classroom, one neighborhood, or one person’s life.

Ask yourself:

Because I was here, what do I want to be better?

Your purpose is often found where three things meet: what you are good at, what excites you, and what difference you want to make.

Bring your life into alignment

Discovering your purpose takes more than reading an inspirational quotation. It requires reflection, honest questions, and practical exercises that connect what matters most with the way you are actually living.

After more than 40 years of research, teaching, speaking, and working with people around the world, I have become convinced that there are 12 pillars of knowledge and skill that the happiest and most successful people have learned to master.

One of those pillars is PURPOSE Alignment—knowing what matters most and making sure your priorities, decisions, relationships, and daily behavior reflect it.

That is the pillar we will begin digging into tonight in my NEXT-LEVEL YOU class from 7:00-7:55 pm Eastern Time.

In NEXT-LEVEL YOU, we do more than discuss good ideas. We turn those ideas into practical actions that can improve your confidence, relationships, leadership, and life.

And tonight I am opening 75 free seats to those who want to attend this session and see what NEXT-LEVEL YOU is like and sincerely want to work on their PURPOSE Alignment. 42 of those seats have already been claimed.

If you want one of the remaining seats, it requires that you print out two handouts and actually attend and participate in the class. There will be no replays. If that doesn’t work for you, no problem.

If you can make that commitment, click the link below to claim your free seat … if there is a seat still remaining. If you’re one of the lucky ones, I will send you the handouts and link to the live class.

[I WANT A FREE SEAT IN TONIGHT’S CLASS]

Purpose gives you direction when the world pulls you in ten different directions. It gives you perseverance when life becomes difficult. And it gives you the satisfaction of knowing your days are adding up to something meaningful.

You were not put on this earth merely to stay busy, pay bills, and get through another day.

You are here to live intentionally, love deeply, grow continually, and make a difference.

ACTION STEP:

Set aside 15 quiet minutes today and answer these three questions:

1. What am I good at?
2. What excites me?
3. What difference do I want to make?

Your answers may reveal the purpose that has been waiting inside you.

Keep on growing. The best is yet to come!

Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Hall of Fame Speaker | Executive Coach | Author

The post ARE YOU LIVING BY PRESSURE OR BY PURPOSE? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

For years, I’ve heard people say, “You can’t motivate another person. All motivation comes from within.”

There is some truth in that. You cannot force another person to care, change, or give their best. But that is not the whole truth.

Think about the people who brought out the best in you. Perhaps a teacher saw your potential, a boss made your work feel important, or a friend encouraged you when you were ready to quit.

Those people motivated you. They didn’t put motivation inside you. They called it out of you.

People can also drain motivation through criticism, indifference, or disrespect. Everything you do affects those around you.

So how do you bring out the best in others?

Act like a leader and communicate like a friend.

I learned that lesson at 23

At only 23, I was hired to teach a university department of speech communication professors about the brand-new field of interpersonal communication.

Every professor was older and more experienced than I was. I was the new instructor—the “kid” in the room.

I brought knowledge they did not yet have because I was among the first people in the country to study, develop, and teach interpersonal communication.

If I appeared uncertain, no one would have followed me. I needed confidence and competence—but I couldn’t act like a know-it-all young hotshot.

I respected their experience, listened to their concerns, and helped them see what this new field could offer their students.

In other words, I had to act like a leader and communicate like a friend.

And it worked. In the years that followed, our communication program grew from only eight majors to more than 600.

That experience taught me four behaviors that can help you bring out the best in others.

1  Give people a purpose and keep it visible

People rarely get excited about another task or quota. They become excited when they understand why their effort matters.

I would not have motivated those professors by saying, “Your courses are outdated, and students need something different.” That would have aroused defensiveness.

They became receptive when they understood why this new approach mattered—and how it could benefit their students.

A good leader explains why the work matters, who will benefit, and how each person contributes.

Then the leader keeps that purpose visible. Important goals must be communicated clearly and consistently.

YOUR ACTION STEP: Before asking someone to do something, complete this sentence: “This matters because…” Then share that reason with the person.

2  Let your enthusiasm show

Enthusiasm is contagious. Unfortunately, so is indifference.

Those professors might have dismissed my ideas if I had approached the task without genuine enthusiasm.

You don’t have to bounce off the walls. Enthusiasm can be as simple as saying, “This will make a difference,” or “I’m glad we’re doing this together.” People are drawn to people who care.

YOUR ACTION STEP: Bring more positive energy to one routine activity. Change your words, expression, and tone. Then notice what happens.

3  Believe in people and help them grow

One of the greatest gifts you can give another person is a larger, more hopeful view of themselves.

People remember their mistakes. They don’t need another reminder of what is wrong; they need someone who sees their possibilities.

Those professors needed to know that I respected them as excellent teachers—and believed they could master this emerging field.

Say, “I know you can handle this,” or “This mistake does not erase your strengths.” Then ask, “How can I help you move forward?”

Sometimes people need to be heard more than they need your solution.

YOUR ACTION STEP: Encourage someone who doubts themselves. Name the strength you see and ask how you can support their growth.

4  Expect excellence and communicate with respect

Motivation does not mean constant praise, lowered expectations, or avoiding difficult conversations.

High standards show that the person and the work matter. But excellence and perfection are very different.

Perfection says, “You are never good enough.” Excellence says, “You are capable of more, and I’m willing to help you get there.”

When someone falls short, address the behavior without attacking the person. Instead of “You’re careless,” say, “There are three errors. Let’s determine what happened and prevent it next time.”

Be clear. Be honest. Be respectful. That is what it means to act like a leader and communicate like a friend.

Your Tuesday Tip Challenge

Choose one person you want to motivate this week. Then:

1. Give that person a meaningful purpose.
2. Express your sincere belief in them.
3. Ask how you can help them move forward.

You may not be able to force motivation into another person. But you can create the conditions that call it out.

Take This Principle to Your Next Level

For years, I delivered my Journey-to-the-Extraordinary program to thousands of people, with the participants  raving about the results they got. Like Pat Johnson, a counselor for the West Fargo Schools, who said:

“I’ve attended seminars all my professional life, but I have never experienced anything like your JOURNEY-TO-THE-EXTRAORDINARY experience. All the other seminar leaders seem to be talking in ‘nice, theoretical generalities.’ But you gave me things I could actually do to handle specific problems and people at work and at home. And I can tell you your strategies really work!”

Then an economic reality set in. The total cost of the Journey was about $3000, which made it unaffordable to lots of people.  And I didn’t want anyone to be left out.

I wanted to make that same practical learning available to far more people. So I combined the strongest lessons from the Journey, four decades of teaching, and current communication research to create NEXT-LEVEL YOU—my live, weekly online learning community. And Founding Members can join for just $37 per month.

Each week, we turn one proven principle into actions that build confidence, purpose, a positive mindset, and stronger relationships.

If you want to turn good intentions into real change, experience NEXT-LEVEL YOU with a FREE 7-day trial.

You’ll receive full access to the classroom, replays, practical materials, our supportive community, and one live Tuesday class with me.

You can join now and never be behind. Every class stands on its own, and the replays and materials are always available.

YES, DR. Z—I WANT TO TRY NEXT-LEVEL YOU FREE FOR 7 DAYS. 

Make the above line totally clickable and goes directly to the NLY registration page.

Your credit card will not be charged today. If you cancel before the seven-day trial ends, you will pay nothing. If you continue, your membership will automatically continue at the Founding Member rate of $37 per month—a rate locked in for as long as you remain a member—with no long-term contract.

Come inside. Attend a class. Put one idea into practice. Then decide.

Keep on growing. The best is yet to come!

Dr. Alan Zimmerman                                                                                

The post Are You Motivating People or Draining Them? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Forty years ago, I faced one of the biggest confidence tests of my life. I was a tenured university professor with total job security, a respected position, and a predictable future. But I felt called to leave the university and become a full-time professional speaker so I could make a bigger difference in the world.

I would love to tell you I felt completely certain and fearless. I didn’t. What I did have was preparation, experience, a strong sense of purpose—and enough confidence to take the next step.

That decision eventually led to more than 3,000 programs in 49 states and 22 countries. But I could not see any of that when I resigned my professorship. I could see only the decision in front of me.

That experience taught me something I have seen repeatedly: unshakeable confidence does not mean eliminating uncertainty. It means trusting yourself enough to move forward while uncertainty remains.

That is why Unshakeable Confidence is the first of the 12 life-changing pillars in my new online NEXT-LEVEL YOU community. Every other kind of growth … better relationships, stronger leadership, a clearer purpose, greater influence, and more meaningful goals—requires enough confidence to begin.

Here are four practical ways to strengthen that confidence and keep it strong.

1. Build an evidence file — not an ego file

Your mind can remember one embarrassing mistake from 20 years ago and forget three compliments from last week. If that imbalance continues, selective memory l, not the full truth about you, will shape your confidence.

How to apply it: Start a “Confidence Evidence” list. Record 10 challenges you handled, promises you kept, skills you developed, people you helped, results you produced, or sincere compliments you received. Add one item every Friday. Before a difficult conversation, decision, or personal challenge, read three entries. You are not bragging. You are reviewing the facts.

2. Put your negative self-talk on trial

A confidence-killing thought sounds like a verdict: “I always mess this up.” “I’m not good at this.” “They won’t take me seriously.” But a thought is not automatically true because it appeared in your mind.

How to apply it: Divide a sheet of paper into three columns. In the first, write the exact negative thought. In the second, write the facts that support or challenge it. In the third, replace it with a truthful, useful statement that points you toward action.

For example: “I’m going to blow this presentation” becomes “I feel nervous because this matters, but I have prepared, I know the material, and I can connect with one person at a time.”

Now imagine saying that original thought to a friend you care about: “You’re going to blow this presentation.” If it would be cruel or unfair to say to your friend, do not say it to yourself.

3. Close one confidence-draining open loop

Unfinished business quietly erodes confidence. The avoided call, overdue decision, neglected appointment, unresolved misunderstanding, or postponed project sends the same message every day: “I can’t handle this.” The longer it sits, the heavier it feels.

How to apply it: List the unfinished matters draining your energy. Circle one you can move forward today. Identify the next 15-minute action and put it on your calendar. Make the call. Schedule the appointment. Draft the first paragraph. Confidence grows whenever you prove that your word to yourself means something.

4. Take a small risk before you feel completely ready

Many people wait for confidence to arrive before they act. Most of the time, it works in the opposite direction. First, you take a confident action. Then that action gives you evidence that you can handle more—and your confidence grows.

How to apply it: Create a “courage ladder” for something you have been avoiding. Put the easiest action on the first rung and the most difficult on the top. For example, if you want to speak up more at work, your first rung might be writing down your idea, the second might be sharing it with one trusted colleague, and the third might be presenting it in a meeting.

Now choose one rung that feels mildly uncomfortable—about a four on a scale of one to 10—and take that step within the next 48 hours. Afterward, write down what happened, what you learned, and what you will do next. Even when the result is imperfect, you exhibited courage—and courage is fuel for confidence.

Confidence is built in community

You can practice all four ideas on your own. But most people make faster, more lasting progress when they are surrounded by others who are also learning, applying, encouraging, and growing.

That is what I am watching happen in NEXT-LEVEL YOU. Our members come from different stages of life and career—and even from different parts of the world. Yet together they have formed a powerful, positive community. They are not merely collecting more information. They are applying what they learn to their work, their relationships, their attitudes, and the decisions they face each week.

One member recently told me, “What a pleasure to meet and work with you after all these years of reading your Tuesday Tips. But more importantly, my self-confidence has grown enormously as a result of the techniques you taught us. I’m setting my goals, achieving my goals, and developing an African leadership center. Thank you so much!”

That is the heart of NEXT-LEVEL YOU: learning is important, application is essential, and growth happens best together.

I deliberately set the Founding Member rate at just $37 per month. I have never charged less than $57 for a single one-hour webinar, yet NEXT-LEVEL YOU gives you a live class every week, practical handouts and assessments, every replay to watch on your schedule, and an app for as much community interaction as you want.

I kept the rate intentionally accessible because I want more people to have ongoing support for making real changes—not simply another burst of information that is quickly forgotten.

Your Tuesday Tip challenge: Choose one of the four practices above and complete it before the day ends. Do not wait to feel more confident. Take one constructive step—and let that step begin building the confidence you want.

ACTION

You do not have to take my word for it or make a long-term decision today. Use your free seven days to attend a live class, watch a replay, explore the practical materials, and see the community for yourself. If it is not right for you, cancel before the trial ends and pay nothing. If you find it valuable, continue at the Founding Member rate of $37 per month. You may cancel anytime.

Try NEXT-LEVEL YOU FREE for 7 days.

It means your best days – and your greatest growth – may still be ahead of you.

Learn more and join NEXT-LEVEL YOU

Keep on growing. The best is yet to come!

Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Hall of Fame Speaker | Executive Coach | Author

The post Four Ways to Build Confidence That Won’t Collapse Under Pressure appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

The good news is that continuing education does not necessarily mean earning another degree, sitting in a classroom for years, or writing term papers at two o’clock in the morning. It means intentionally exposing yourself to ideas, people, and experiences that help you become better than you were before.

It also requires more than buying books you never read. Apparently, knowledge does not seep into your brain simply because a book is sitting on your nightstand. I have checked.

Here are six practical ways to keep learning and growing.

1. Identify what you need to learn next

Do not begin by asking, “What course should I take?” Begin by asking, “Where do I most need to grow?”

Perhaps you need to communicate more effectively, become a better listener, handle conflict constructively, strengthen your confidence, lead more persuasively, or bring greater balance to your life.

Choose one area that would make a meaningful difference in your work or relationships. Then concentrate your learning there.

Otherwise, continuing education can become intellectual window-shopping. You browse a few ideas, admire several possibilities, and go home without changing anything.

Ask yourself: What one skill, if I improved it during the next ninety days, would produce the greatest payoff in my life?

That answer gives your education a purpose.

2. Put your growth on your calendar and in your budget

Most people say they value personal growth. Their calendars and checkbooks occasionally tell a different story.

Years ago, a woman named Eileen attended one of my Journey-to-the-Extraordinary programs. She told me, “I thought if I could spend lots of dollars on fishing trips, I could sprout my wings and invest in myself.”

I loved her honesty. And for the record, I have nothing against fishing. But Eileen recognized that she was willing to spend money on recreation, so she should also be willing to invest in her own growth.

She did—and later told me how much the experience improved her work, relationships, and outlook on life.

Growth rarely happens accidentally. Set aside time each week to read, listen, reflect, or attend a class. Establish an annual learning budget. If you wait until you “find” the time or money, you may wait forever.

You do not find time for growth. You make time for it.

3. Use structured learning from great teachers

Books, seminars, courses, podcasts, and online programs can introduce you to ideas you might never discover on your own. They allow you to benefit from years of someone else’s research and experience sometimes in a single afternoon.

But choose carefully. We have access to more information than ever before, and not all of it deserves access to your brain. Some of it is insightful. Some is merely recycled. And some should have remained in the presenter’s basement.

Ask people you respect which books, courses, and teachers have produced lasting changes in their lives. Look for credible experts who combine proven knowledge with real-world experience—and who show you how to apply what they teach.

The goal is not to consume more information. It is to find the right information and use it.

4. Learn personally from champions

Some of your greatest teachers will never write a book or stand behind a lectern. They may work down the hall, live next door, attend your church, or sit across from you at lunch.

Find people who are achieving the kinds of results you want and study them. Watch how they communicate, prepare, make decisions, recover from setbacks, and treat others. Then invite them to coffee or lunch and ask:

• What do you know now that you wish you had known earlier?
• What mistake taught you the most?
• Which habit has contributed most to your success?

Most successful people are surprisingly willing to share their wisdom when they sense sincere interest.

You do not have to learn every lesson the hard way or reinvent every wheel. Find someone whose wheel is already rolling smoothly and ask how they built it.

5. Learn from mistakes, especially your own

You can learn from champions, but you can also learn from people who made poor decisions. Find out what they did and consider doing something else.

More importantly, learn from your own failures.

I have enjoyed some wonderful successes during my life and career. I have also experienced painful disappointments and made decisions I would not make again. Some of my most valuable education came with no classroom, no textbook, and no diploma. It came with bruises.

The school of hard knocks can be a very good school. Unfortunately, the tuition is high. So if you must take one of its courses, make sure you do not have to repeat it.

After a disappointment, ask:

• What happened?
• What part did I play?
• What warning signs did I overlook?
• What will I do differently next time?

A mistake becomes wasted pain only when you refuse to learn from it.

6. Turn every lesson into action

Education is not measured by how many books you own, seminars you attend, or podcasts you download. It is measured by what you do differently because of what you learned.

Take notes—but do not stop there. Review them, identify one important idea, and decide exactly how you will use it. Put the action on your calendar. Tell someone what you intend to do. Then evaluate the results.

Use this simple process:

Learn it. Apply it. Reflect on it. Repeat it.

That is how information becomes transformation.

That learn-apply-reflect process is why I created NEXT-LEVEL YOU. I distilled forty years of research, teaching, coaching, and real-life experience into twelve essentials six for Personal Peak Performance and six for Thriving Relationships.

Every live class stands on its own and emphasizes practical application, so you can join anytime and never be behind. You will gain proven content, a supportive community, and encouragement to use what you learn.

ACTION:

Choose one of these six strategies and begin this week.

Do not promise yourself that you will “learn more someday.” Decide what you need to learn, select your next step, and put it on your calendar.

School is never out. And that is not bad news.

It means your best days and your greatest growth may still be ahead of you.

Keep learning and growing with NEXT-LEVEL YOU.

Learn more and join NEXT-LEVEL YOU

The post Six Ways to Keep Learning and Growing appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.