►1. Is This the Right Time?

Timing isn’t everything—but it’s pretty darn close.

Just because you’re ready to vent doesn’t mean the other person is ready to hear it. Forget the whole “get it off your chest” mindset. That’s about your comfort, not theirs.

Instead, check in: “Hey, is now a good time to talk?” You might find they’re already overwhelmed. Maybe they had a rough morning—flat tire, coffee spill, crashed laptop—and your feedback is just one more punch they don’t need.

Wait for a better moment. Don’t delay forever, but be considerate. A calm conversation is way more productive than a defensive one.

► 2.  Am I Doing This to Help or to Hurt?

Your intentions matter. A lot.

Ask yourself: “Am I giving this feedback to truly help the other person grow, or am I just irritated and looking to unload?”

People can tell the difference. When feedback comes from a place of caring—when they know you’re rooting for their success—it lands much better.

I’ll never forget one of my early mentors, Professor. Don Nelson. He gave me tough feedback constantly—pages of it, in fact. But I never got defensive. Why? Because I knew he was invested in my growth. He wanted me to succeed. That made all the difference.

I’m also invested in YOUR GROWTH. I’ll do everything I can to make sure you succeed with my 3-session master class on THE TRUST CONNECTION: How To Build Stronger, Empathic, Engaged Relationships. We meet on May 22, May 29, and June 5 2025 from 9 am to 12 noon Eastern Time (8 am CT, 7 am MT, 6 am PT).

Click here for more information and/or register.

Just because you’re ready to vent doesn’t mean the other person is ready to hear it. Forget the whole “get it off your chest” mindset. That’s about your comfort, not theirs

Instead, check in: “Hey, is now a good time to talk?” You might find they’re already overwhelmed. Maybe they had a rough morning—flat tire, coffee spill, crashed laptop—and your feedback is just one more punch they don’t need.

Wait for a better moment. Don’t delay forever, but be considerate. A calm conversation is way more productive than a defensive one.

► 3.  Is My Feedback Fresh?

Feedback loses power when it’s stale.

No one wants to hear, “Remember that thing you did three months ago? Yeah, that was bad.” By then, details are fuzzy and defensiveness kicks in. The other person is likely to think, “That’s not how I remember it.”

Take a cue from the TSA: “If you see something, say something.” The sooner, the better—as long as the timing is right (see filter #1).

Say something like: “Hey, I noticed the project wasn’t wrapped up by the deadline today—let’s talk about that.” That’s clear and specific. No debates over fuzzy memories.

► 4. Can the Person Actually Change This?

This one’s big.

Before you jump in with “constructive criticism,” ask yourself: “Is this something they can realistically change?” Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

It’s easy to assume that the other person could change if they really wanted to. That’s not always the case.

Life is more complicated than that. The other person may be under-trained, overwhelmed, or dealing with challenges you don’t see.

My point? Don’t assume malice when it might be circumstance.

That doesn’t mean you overlook or excuse poor performance or bad behavior. Team and families don’t work if you allow that to continue.

But it does mean that you deal with the other person’s behavior using the approach that best fits the situation. One person may need more job training, another one some stress reduction, and still another a strong come-to-Jesus discussion.

► 5.  Are You Inviting Dialogue?

Feedback isn’t a one-way street. Don’t just drop a critique and walk away. If the other person has no input or say in the matter, they’ll feel powerless—and probably defensive.

After you share your feedback, invite theirs. Ask:

“How does that sound to you?”

“What do you think happened there?”

“How can we move forward together?”

Engaging the other person in the process not only diffuses tension—it builds commitment. When they help shape the solution, they’re much more likely to follow through.

► 6. Do They Need Criticism or Encouragement?

This is where leadership becomes an art.

Sometimes, people genuinely need redirection. That’s where corrective feedback comes in—it highlights what’s not working and how to fix it.

Other times, people are doing okay—they just need encouragement to do even better. That’s where praise becomes a powerful tool.

So, ask yourself: “Will a well-placed compliment do more to improve this situation than a critique?”

Either route—criticism or praise—can lead to positive change. The key is choosing the one that works best for this person in this moment.

Final Thoughts: Be Corrective, Not Just Critical

Benjamin Disraeli, the British Prime Minister, once said, “It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.”

Effective communication and leadership is about being correct. That means thinking before speaking. It means caring enough to deliver feedback with respect, clarity, and compassion.

When you run your feedback through these six filters, you don’t just avoid defensiveness—you spark growth. You build trust. And you create relationships that get better, together.

The post Master Feedback Today. Avoid Defensive Reactions… appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

►Avoid people who bring you down.

You simply can’t hang around whiners, gripers, complainers, blamers, and losers and expect them to have a positive impact on you, your self-esteem, your motivation, your goal achievement, or anything else. They literally endanger your future.

Unfortunately, if you tilt a bit to the negative side of life, chances are very good that you find other people who tilt to the negative as well. After all, you can “relate” to each other or feel like you “understand” each other.

That’s why it’s no accident that kids with bad grades spend most of their time with other kids who get bad grades. Couples with marriage problems have friends with marriage problems. And so it goes, on and on and on.

Is that a big deal? Absolutely! Because there are only two kinds of people in the world. Those who lift you up and those who bring you down. 

A lot of people don’t realize this.  When I coach people, I’ve noticed that they’ll often blame their problems on their circumstances.  They’ll say, for example, that the economy is bad; their company is downsizing, and change is everywhere.

In reality, it may be the people in their lives that are causing the most difficulty.  I teach them that good circumstances with bad friends usually result in defeat, while bad circumstances with good friends usually result in victory.

You’ve got to choose your associations wisely.  You can’t just go to anyone or listen to anyone, because who you pick may determine what you do.

Take away? You can’t afford to spend too much time with people who bring you down. You may need to change your circle today if you want a better future tomorrow.

And you may need some extra relationship skills. That’s why I’m offering my upcoming 3-week master class on THE TRUST CONNECTION: How To Build Stronger, Empathic, Engaged Relationships.  It runs from May 22 through June 5, 2025, each Thursday morning from 9 am to 12 noon Eastern Time.

This is what E. Laverne Perry, who works in Strategic Business Development at The Boeing Company, says about THE TRUST CONNECTION. 

“Absolutely excellent seminar!!  I learned so much about myself and I picked up the exact tools I needed to improve my personal and work relationships.  What a great investment.  It continues to pay big dividends.”  

And when you register now, you get our BOGO Special … Buy One seat and Get One seat FREE.

Click here for more information and/or register.

►1. Spend more time with encouragers. Change Your Circle

As I said above, you’ve got to be extremely cautious about spending too much time with negative people or losers in life.  If you don’t release these kinds of people or keep your distance, you’ll end up resembling them.

Lou Holtz, the famous football coach, drove that point home for me. He told me, 

“If you go to people who never did anything or accomplished anything, they will tell you that you can’t do it. But if you go to those who have accomplished a lot, they’ll give you encouragement.”

Put another way, make sure you have some people in your life who serve as “sideliners.”

That’s what they do in the Special Olympics.  And it works. Each athlete has a sideliner (someone on the sidelines) who showers him or her with praise and encouragement.  And as a result, the athlete is able to overcome feelings of inadequacy and discover their full potential.

Do you have one or more sideliners in your life?  I hope so.  As I study successful people, I find very few of them are “self-made” successes.  Almost every highly successful person has had a sideliner in his life.

If you’ve got a sideliner, great.  If you need one, get one.  And if you’re wondering what to look for or whether or not your present associations qualify as sideliners, let me suggest these guidelines.

►2. Sideliners comfort you. 

They see that you’re hurt when others don’t notice.  And they offer solid proof of your worth.  When you’re doubting yourself, they remind you how good you really are.

As a professional speaker, I am occasionally discouraged by attendees who don’t care or won’t try anything I teach–even though I know it will work for them.  That’s when my wife will remind me of all the grateful attendees and memorable letters of thanks I’ve received over the years.  She provides comfort as she helps me gain a more balanced, more realistic perspective.

►3. Sideliners don’t kick you when you’re down.

Unfortunately, many people do.  When you’re in the midst of setback or failure, many people will tell you how stupid you were or what you should have done.  Others will avoid you.

By contrast, sideliners accept you even if they don’t agree with you.  They can see that your life might not be in the best of shape, but they assume the best about you.  They assume your intentions are good, even though they may disagree with your opinions and disapprove of your actions.

That’s how I got through to the inmates when I worked in a juvenile reformatory years ago.  The inmates were robbers, muggers, pimps, and drug dealers, and it would have been easy to lecture them about all the stupid choices they had made.  What they needed, however, was someone to assume the best about them or see the potential in them.  Then they could start to make the changes they needed to make.

►4.  Sideliners don’t keep track of hurts.

They know that wouldn’t serve any useful purpose.  

Relationships that are going to stay together and stay positive require lots of forgiveness.

It’s like the husband who fell asleep while driving. His wife suffered severe injuries.  When she awakened after surgery, he cried and told her how sorry he was.

“Let’s not worry about it,” she whispered.  As she took his hand, she said, “I’m sure I’ve hurt you many times without meaning to.”

Later, the wife told her friend, “I knew he didn’t do it on purpose.  Blaming him would have poisoned our marriage.”

She was a sideliner.  She didn’t keep track of hurts and as a result, her actions ensured a lasting and healthy relationship.

►5. Sideliners take you and your dreams seriously.

They don’t tell you that “that will never work.”  

Sideliners treat your dreams with courtesy and respect. They listen as you share your dreams and they encourage you to pursue what’s most important to you.  And when asked, they offer their wisdom and guidance.

In fact, I would wager that a great deal of where you are right now in life, work, or relationships can be traced to people in your past who took you and your dreams seriously … or dismissed them. 

If you were fortunate to have sideliners who validated you and your dreams, you are indeed blessed. Be thankful. If you were around people who ignored or ridiculed you or your dreams, you’ve been held back from realizing your full potential. Let go of those people or let go of their influence, and find some new sideliners with whom to associate.

Final Thought: Take a quick assessment of the people you hang around. Do they lift you up or bring you down? If you’ve got too many downers in your circle, change your circle today and you will change your future.

The post Change Your Circle Today and Change Your Future appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Devastating Truth #1: The world is not fair.

As much as we would like it to be otherwise, the world will never be totally 100% fair.

Things will not always go your way, even though you deserved certain outcomes. Everyone will not agree with you, get along with you, or treat you the way you would like to be treated.

So get used to it and get over it.

How do you that? You realize that you’ve only got two choices. One, you can spend countless hours or even years complaining about how unfair the world is, how you’re a victim, and how it doesn’t make any difference what you do, because you’ll never get ahead. That’s the approach losers take.

The second choice is the one that winners take. They’re realistic enough to know that there is a degree of unfairness in every part of life. However, they know they ALWAYS have control over their attitude and their response to the difficulties in life.

Ask yourself, when you see unfairness in the world, do you act more like the whining loser? Or do you act more like the attitude-driven winner who knows there’s always something he or she can do to make things a bit better.

Devastating Truth #2: No one owes you a living.

The whiners and losers often complain that it’s not what you know but who you know that determines so much of your success and failure in life. There’s some truth in that statement, but it is definitely not the whole truth.

The fact is, many people do things that ruin their reputations and weaken their relationships. They may do such things as:

• Abuse technology,
• Exhibit poor communication skills,
• Show a lack of professionalism,
• Disrespecting others, and
• Having poor ethics, judgment, and character.

And then those same people wonder why others don’t like them or why they’re not getting the promotions they think they deserve.

The truth is relationships matter, big time. People like to work with and be around people they know, like, and trust.

So how much of your time is devoted to building your reputation and relationships? Is it one of your top priorities? Or is it more of a hit-and-miss thing, that you might pay attention to if you don’t forget or have the time?

Go ahead and asses your reputation and relationships. What is your reputation brand at work and at home? Are you known for the right reasons? List five things you are doing or could do to burnish your reputation and strengthen your relationships.

Devastating Truth #4: We regret the risks we don’t take.

Everyone has a comfort zone. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But anything you want more of … such as a bigger paycheck, a stronger body, a better relationship, a more exciting career… requires risk taking. In other words, you can’t stay in your comfort zone, doing what you’ve always done, and expect things to get better.

Yes, it will take courage to take risks. Saying what you really think and feel could be a risk. Challenging someone’s ideas could be a risk. Or even speaking up at a meeting and sharing your ideas could be a risk.

I would never advocate taking stupid risks just for the sake of taking risks. Risks have to be thought out, constructive, with the intention of making things better.

But I would also not advocate living your whole life in a comfort zone, doing what you’ve always done. The result of that behavior is regret. In other words, you get two choices in life: take a risk trying to move ahead or not take a risk and have a life filled with regret.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue: 1280- Four devastating TRUTHS that determine your success or failure every day!

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

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THE UNDENIABLE POWER OF YOUR WORDS

It sounded too weird to me. So in the interest of checking this out, I had my university students bring two same-sized onions to class, with two glasses, and two labels to put on the glasses … one saying “I love you” and the other one saying “I hate you.”

Within two weeks, the onion root systems and growth … or lack of it … was dramatic. They looked like this. The love-affirmed onion was growing big time as the hate-attacked onion was dying.

Sounds wild, doesn’t it? But Dr. Masaru Emoto documents this phenomenon in his book, The Hidden Messages in Water.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue: 1279- Do your words matter? Heck YES!

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post Do your words matter? Heck YES! appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

As a child, you were probably taught to watch what you say. After all, the power of life and death can be found in the tongue. That’s right. To a HUGE extent, what you say out loud or what you say in your head as negative self-talk  has a HUGE impact on everything from your mental and physical health, to your financial status, the quality of your relationships, the amount of success you achieve in your work, and everything else.

As I tell my audiences and coaching clients:

• What you speak about, you tend to bring about.

For example, if you keep saying you can’t stand your job, you have a better chance of losing your job.

If you keep saying you can’t stand your body, your body is more likely to get sick.

If you keep saying you’re always broke, guess what? You’ll always be broke.

If you keep saying you can’t trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you.

If you keep saying you can’t find a job, you will remain unemployed.

If you keep saying you can’t find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thoughts will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs.

When I learned the power of my negative words and when I learned how to turn that around, my whole life, all my relationships and my career all changed for the better. And for that I will be forever grateful.

Or follow up any negative thought with a command that says, “Cancel. Cancel.” With repetition, you neutralize the negative thoughts and reset your autopilot, at least for the moment.

►2. Reject your Mind Binders

Avoid the use of such words as “can’t.” As industrialist Henry Ford (1863–1947) put it,

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Eliminate the word “impossible” from your vocabulary. One of my students helped me do that when she gave me a poster that read, “An impossibility is nothing more than a big idea striking a small mind.” And the business books and the sports pages are filled with stories of people who did the impossible because they refused to speak the word “impossible.”

►3. Reprimand your Mind Binders

This will sound silly, but it works. Keep a rubber band on one of your wrists, and whenever you think a negative thought or utter a negative comment, snap the rubber band.

Sure, it will hurt a little, but it’s a simple way to remind your mind and your mouth to stop using that negative self-talk.

►4. Replace your Mind Binders

For example, if you find yourself thinking something like, “I’ll never be able to handle those difficult coworkers,” replace that with a more constructive thought. Tell yourself something like “I can take a seminar on dealing with difficult people, and I can improve my skills when I’m talking to them.”

Instead of saying, “I’ll never amount to anything,” replace it with a comment such as, “I’m getting better and better.”

Your self-talk is not some innocent, innocuous bystander in your life. As I said earlier, what you think and speak about you tend to bring about. As American author and artist Florence Shinn (1871–1940) wrote,

“The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.”

Bottom Line: You will never rise about your own self-talk. It’s time to learn how to stop the negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue: 1278- How to Get Unstuck From Negative Self-Talk

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post How to Get Unstuck From Negative Self-Talk appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Imagine that you’re in a boat and the autopilot is set for East, but you decide you want to change directions and re-evaluate your goals and go West. You take hold of the wheel and using all your might, you force the boat West. As long as you hold the wheel steady, the boat keeps on going West. But pretty soon, you get tired of fighting the boat’s inclination and let go of the wheel. And once again, you’re heading East — because that’s the direction the boat is programmed to go.

As John Baker notes in Life’s Healing Choices, “That’s how it is when you try to fight against your own internal autopilot. By your own willpower, you try to force new behavior. You try and you try, but pretty soon you get tired … and you let go of the wheel … and you revert back to the way you’ve always acted.”

You see … if you don’t even know you’re on autopilot … and if you don’t know how to reprogram yourself for the goals you want to achieve … you will revert to any one of a hundred negative behaviors. Low self-esteem, lack of purpose, stinkin’ thinkin’, comfort-zone attachment, fuzzy goals, work-life imbalance, relationship shambles, career stuck-a-tivity, or whatever you’ve been programmed to do.

Unfortunately, that describes too many people. Maybe it describes you to some extent. You don’t achieve all the goals you’d like to achieve, or you don’t have the life you’d really like to live. Why is that?

Because your mind is on negative autopilot.

So how did your mind get stuck on a negative autopilot? And how can you turn that around? I’m going to share the answers in the next few issues of the Tuesday Tip

Let’s look how your mind gets stuck on a negative autopilot.

►1. Exposure

It’s actually a two-step process that gets you stuck on a negative autopilot. The first step is exposure.

When you were born, your mind was essentially empty, but not for very long. You began hearing, seeing, and receiving thousands of messages. Exposure was happening and you weren’t even aware of it.

Some of those messages were negative. Indeed, some of the messages from parents and teachers had to be negative or you wouldn’t even grow up to be an adult. You heard such things as “No … Don’t touch that … Who do you think you are? … You’ll never amount to anything … You’re just like that loser Uncle John … You’re always messing up … and … How many times have I told you?”

For some of you, you were exposed to way too many negative messages. And they were subtly programming you to believe or not believe in yourself. Or to achieve a lot of goals or to not go that far in life.

Unfortunately, for most people, the negative programming from others doesn’t stop when you leave home, graduate from school, or become an adult. When you get a job, your exposure to negative conditioning continues and sometimes accelerates. You are exposed to a variety of comments that imply other people don’t believe in you, or your ideas, or your potential. And all of them are building a negative autopilot in your mind.

I call those negative messages that happen on the job Killer Statements because they kill off your energy, your enthusiasm, your initiative, and your job effectiveness.

Of course, there are thousands of Killer Statements that get in the way of you becoming all you could be. Here are a few of them. Which ones have you heard before?

1) We tried that before.

2) Our place is different.

3) That’s not our responsibility.

4) That’s not my job.

5) We’re too busy to do that.

6) It’s too big of a change.

7) We don’t have the authority.

8) We don’t have enough help.

9) We’ve never done that before.

10) Why change it? It’s still working.

11) You’re right, but…

12) We’re not ready for that.

13) We don’t have the money, equipment, room or personnel.

14) It isn’t in the budget.

15) It’s too much trouble.

16) Management will never go for it.

17) Where’d you dig that one up?

18) We’re getting by without it.

19) That’s what we can expect from the staff.

20) Let’s form a committee. (as a way of stalling things)

21) Just keep your mouth shut.

22) It won’t work here.

23) Maybe that will work in your department but not in mine.

24) Let’s sleep on it.

25) It can’t be done.

26) That sounds good in theory, but…

27) It’s impossible.

28) We’ve always done it this way.

29) You’re not here to think.

30) Let me think about that, and I’ll get back to you. (and then they never do)

Whether those or other Killer Statements were aimed at you or simply spoken out loud in the workplace, they have a negative programming impact on you.

Exposure to negative messages is the beginning of how a negative autopilot got into your mind.

But take heart. There is a simple and effective tool for getting rid of all that. It’s called Affirmations, which is essentially talking to yourself, saying the right things, in the right way. And most people don’t know how to do that.

Next week I’ll talk more about how you create a positive autopilot in your mind and get the results you want to see in your life, relationships, and career.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue:1277- Goals: Get off autopilot and take charge

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post Goals Get off autopilot and take charge appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Merry Christmas to all my friends and followers around the world. I am transformed by the very meaning of Christmas and I am blessed to share some words of wisdom each week to enrich your life in my writing of Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip.

I’ve written more than 1200 issues of the Tuesday Tip, but this week I wanted to share some wisdom from someone else, an anonymous source. Whoever wrote this originally came to some fantastic conclusions on how to lead a wonderful life as he neared 80 years of age.

However, I think his wise conclusions apply to all of us at any age. I give it to you as my Christmas present. Look for one or two keepers that you can apply to your life, starting right now.

The older gentleman wrote the following:

► 1. After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children and my friends, I have now started loving myself.

2. I have realized that I am not “Atlas”. The world does not rest on my shoulders.

3. I have stopped bargaining with vegetable & fruit vendors. A few pennies more is not going to break me, but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

4. I leave my waitress a big tip. The extra money might bring a smile to her face. She is toiling much harder for a living than I am.

5. I stopped telling the elderly that they’ve already told that story many times. The story makes them walk down memory lane & relive their past.

6. I have learned not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. The onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection.

7. I give compliments freely and generously. Compliments are a mood enhancer not only for the recipient, but also for me. And a small tip for the recipient of a compliment, never, NEVER turn it down. Just say “Thank you.”

8. I have learned not to bother about a crease or a spot on my shirt. Personality speaks louder than appearances.

9. I walk away from people who don’t value me. They might not know my worth, but I do.

10. I remain cool when someone plays dirty to outrun me in the rat race. I am not a rat and neither am I in any race.

11. I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. It’s my emotions that make me human.

12. I have learned that it’s better to drop the ego than to break a relationship. My ego will keep me aloof, whereas with relationships, I will never be alone.

13. I have learned to live each day as if it’s the last. After all, it might be the last.

14. I am doing what makes me happy. I am responsible for my happiness and I owe it to myself. Happiness is a choice. You can be happy at any time, just choose to be!

Merry Christmas to you all,

From Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue:1276- 14 tips that will enrich your life. Apply them now

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

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At Christmas, we celebrate the birth of a baby who brought LIGHT into the world. It’s wonderful. But did you ever stop to think that every one of us brings LIGHT or DARKNESS into our relationships?

Sometimes you bring LIGHT. You say some things that put more hope and life into your personal and professional relationships. At other times you bring DARKNESS. You do some things that kill off the hope and life in your relationships.

Today I want to share two quick, easy, and simple tips that will bring more LIGHT to your relationships, on and off the job.

Businessman asleep at desk with notes

► 1. Refuse to use sarcasm.

Sarcasm always darkens your relationships because it always destroys a piece of the other person. It makes the other person the butt of jokes and the object of scorn. Sarcasm puts the other person down instead of lifting him up.

Unfortunately, sarcasm is one of the more common forms of communication these days. Almost every TV sitcom is filled with sarcasm, and in many cases, it is the only form of humor used. It’s one put down after another. So it’s no wonder that people begin to think that sarcasm is funny, witty, and even okay to use in their own relationships.

Examples are everywhere. One plumbing company in northeast Pennsylvania uses the slogan, “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” I admit it’s clever, but I also wonder about the put downs some spouses give each other when their attempted home repairs don’t work out.

Sarcasm is used way too often when people are faced with a conflict. In fact, some people spend more time looking for clever lines to deliver in the midst of conflict than they do looking for skills to resolve the conflict. It’s like the person who said, “I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.” And someone else said, “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.”

Refuse to use sarcasm, no matter how clever you sound or how much you want to say it. Sarcasm may be okay for the sitcoms, but just remember, sitcoms aren’t reality. In the world you and I live in, sarcasm only DARKENS your relationships.

► 2. Show kindness every day.

That’s right. Make it a point to consciously, consistently show kindness every day.

Whether it’s your customer, your coworker, or someone at home, simply ask yourself,

“What can I do right now to make that person’s life a little better?”

Maybe you listen for thirty seconds, give a compliment, help carry a package, find a telephone number, or let someone else go first in line. Just do something to bring more LIGHT into that person’s world. You’ll both feel better and even strengthen your relationship.

Remember this: You can always do something to show kindness.

And remember this: Your kindness always has a positive ripple effect.

I remember an American family visiting France many years ago during a very tough economic time. It was Christmas Eve and it was a cold, depressing, rainy evening. They were tired and irritable. Their car had broken down so they stopped at a dismal little restaurant about dinnertime.

There were only five tables in the room that were occupied. One had a French family and they were fighting. The French father slapped his little son and he was crying loudly. A German family was also arguing. The wife was berating her husband. And over in a corner a piano player was listlessly playing Christmas music. The only person in the room who seemed happy was an American sailor. He was writing a letter to his sweetheart, judging from his facial expression, and had a half-smile on his face.

Then there came an uncomfortable draft of cold air. Through the open door came an old woman, a seller of flowers. Water was dripping off her long overcoat and her shoes were soggy wet. She held in her hands a few little corsages. She went over to the American family and said, “Flowers, monsieur? Only one franc.” But no, they didn’t want any. Then she approached the French family: “One franc, monsieur?” They didn’t want any either. Nor did the German family want a corsage.

So she sat down, discouraged, and said to the piano player, “Joseph, it’s Christmas Eve and I haven’t sold any flowers all day long.” She called to the waiter and said, “A bowl of soup, please.” Turning back to the piano player, she continued, “Joseph, think of it–only a bowl of soup on Christmas Eve.” He pointed to his tipping plate which was empty. A glum, semi-hostile silence descended on them all.

Then the sailor finished his letter and walked over to the old flower woman and said, “Madame, how much are your flowers?”

“One franc, monsieur.”

“I’ll take two corsages.” He pressed one flat, put it in with the letter and sealed the envelope. Then he handed her a twenty-franc note.

“I have no change, monsieur,” she said.

“Ah, that’s my Christmas gift to you. You know, you somehow remind me of my grandmother.” Then he leaned down, kissed her cheek and said, “Happy Christmas!”

The sailor then took the other corsage and walked over to the American family, bowed to the husband and said, “Sir, will you permit me to present this corsage to your beautiful daughter?” And with that he was gone.

Then Christmas exploded in the restaurant. The old flower woman danced around and said to Joseph, “This is my Christmas present! I’m going to give half of it to you so that we can have a feast together! Isn’t it wonderful?” And the pianist was pounding out Christmas melodies like never before and the beautiful “daughter,” alias the wife, had stars in her eyes as she smelled the flowers.

Then they began to sing, in German, French and English, the old carols that span all languages: “Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht,” “O Tannenbaum,” and so on.

The place was filled with music, so much so that the American went home and wrote a letter to the admiral of the fleet and said, “Somewhere in your forces is a young sailor who gave a very special gift to my family, to me and to the other people in that French restaurant. Because your young sailor had the Christmas spirit in his soul, he released the love and joy that had been smothered within us by anger and disappointment. He gave us Christmas.”

That’s how kindness works. When you bring LIGHT to someone’s life, not only do you make their life a little better, you also start a wave of kindness that spreads to others.

► Action Challenge:

Take on the kindness challenge. For one week, show a little kindness to every person you meet. Watch their response. Pay attention to how you feel. And figure out a way to integrate conscious persistent kindness into your life. And there’s no better time to start this practice than right now, as we celebrate Christmas and New Year’s.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue 1275-Brighten Your Relationships Now: Two Easy Tips

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post Brighten Your Relationships Now: Two Easy Tips appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Years ago, the great American singer Bing Crosby sang, “Accentuate the Positive; Eliminate the Negative and Don’t Mess with Mr. In Between.” Not bad advice. The trouble is … many of our workplaces do just the opposite.

Indeed, the number one job complaint is … “You can do a hundred things right and not hear a darn thing about it. Do one thing wrong, and they’re right on your back.”

So it’s no wonder there’s such a strong negative sentiment and a lack of engagement among so many workers today.

And you can see it everywhere. Go into the hallways, lunchroom, or work area, and you’ll hear people whining, griping, and complaining about something at work. The light has gone out in their eyes and a sense of routine, another-day-another-dollar mentality has replaced their passion.

So what can you do to eliminate workplace negativity … which automatically increases workplace engagement, morale, productivity, and profitability? Two things. You can make sure you are not adding to the negativity and you can challenge the negativity of others.

Of course, it’s always easier to point out what “they” are doing wrong. But as difficult as it may be to admit, sometimes “you” need to change as well. After all, you are not a neutral. You’re either making your organization a richer or poorer place to work.

Start the negative-elimination process here.

If You’re a Negative Contributing Factor

► 1. Look at your actions.

Take a good, honest, and perhaps uncomfortable look at your actions. Are you making your work environment more positive or negative? You are never a neutral factor. You’re doing something to make your organization a better or poorer place to work.

If you recognize that one or more of your actions add to whatever negativity there might be in your organization, it is your job to stop it!

► 2. Look at your words.

Can you go for 24 hours without saying anything negative? Most people can’t. And that’s a serious problem.

If you can’t go 24 hours without drinking alcohol, you’re addicted to alcohol. If you can’t go 24 hours without smoking, you’re addicted to nicotine. And if you can’t go 24 hours without saying something negative, downbeat, or unkind, you’re addicted to negativity.

So one of the first steps to revitalizing your workplace is to be honest with yourself. Are you a part of the problem or a part of the solution?

If you’re part of the workplace negativity problem, then you need to…

► 3. Realize the price you’re paying for staying too negative.

In a study done at Duke University Medical Center, it was discovered that people with high levels of cynical, complaining behaviors were 50% more likely to have clogged arteries than those who were less negative. In another one of their studies, people with high cynicism scores had five times more heart disease than those who scored below the median.

Quite simply, complainers do not live as long as positive people. And while they’re alive, negative people make the work environment so much more difficult.

So how do you get rid of your negative behavior if you’ve got too much of it?

► 4. Stop keeping track of the negatives.

Did you ever notice that on a bad day, some people tend to count every irritation or inconvenience that occurs? They’ll burst out with something like: “That’s the third time today something like this has happened.” Yet seldom on a good day do those same people say, “This is the third time today something great has happened.”

Keeping track of the negatives and continually talking about them will not help you sleep better, feel better, be more pleasant, or stay more engaged. There is no upside to keeping score of all the negatives in your life.

► 5. Look for and report the positives

More often than not, there are more good things going on at work than bad things. Indeed, if everything was bad, the company would probably be out of business. So look for things you can celebrate rather than things you denigrate.

Once you’ve examined yourself and any contributing negatives you add to the workplace, you have a right and responsibility to challenge others who may be lowering the workplace engagement with all their negative energy. Try these strategies.

If The Other Person Is a Negative Contributing Factor

►1. Challenge the negative remarks of others.

You’ve heard the expression “It’s too good to be true.” In most cases, that’s exactly the case.

In a similar sense, when you hear someone go on and on about how bad things are at work, simply tell him, “It’s too bad to be true.” More often than not you’ll be right.

►2. Advise others about the danger of taking advice from constantly negative people.

When you hear some people go on and on, saying management doesn’t care, the proposed change will never work, the customers expect too much, or some other complaint, take a look at who’s talking. Are they winners or losers? Are they serving as an inspiration to others, or they are crushing people’s hope? In most cases it will be the latter.

So be careful of taking the comments of constantly negative people to heart. In my program on “The Power of Partnership,” workshop, I ask people to raise their right hands and repeat after me, “I hereby commit that from now on I will not take advice from anyone more messed up than I am.” People laugh, but they get the point.

►3. Use an imaginary filtering screen.

The moment you sense negativity coming from others, put a make-believe screen around yourself. Tell yourself the screen only allows positive comments and constructive we-can-make-it-better criticisms to flow through. You will find that you can continue to converse and stay involved with those around you, but you won’t be hurt by their negativity. I know, it sounds silly, but it works!

Conclusion

A few years ago in the movie Forrest Gump, Forrest’s mother said, “Life is like a box of chocolates.” Sure, you could get a nougat, a chocolate covered nut, or a cherry cordial, but the most important thing about a box of chocolates is that everything in it is sweet.

Well, we know that not everything at work is sweet. But the most effective, peak-performing professionals have learned a key lesson. They know that they might not have the best of everything, but they know how to make the best of what they have by using these strategies.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue 1274-Get Rid of Negativity in Today’s Workplace

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post Get Rid of Negativity in Today’s Workplace appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Business Week magazine reported they asked thousands of people how they were doing. The most common response they received was “I’m tired.” People seem to be worn out like never before.

Indeed. Even though people call me a motivational speaker or executive coach and even though it may be my “job” to tell people how to do more, be more, and get more, I have to admit there are limits. While it’s a very good thing to use your talents and be a peak performer, it’s not okay to achieve great things at the expense of your health and your family. Even the Bible says it makes no sense to gain the whole world and lose your soul.

Still, a lot of us feel the pressure to constantly work, achieve, and get ahead. For example, one of my coaching clients told me his greatest fear was standing behind Mother Teresa in the final judgment line and hear God tell her, “You know, you should have done more.” In other words, he felt the pressure to keep on doing more and more. It was never enough.

So how do you keep the balance? How do you achieve a great deal without being totally worn out?

► 1. Start by loving yourself.

That’s right … love yourself. Don’t confuse that with ego, conceit, arrogance, or a sense of superiority. Those are all signs of low self-esteem trying to hide behind actions of bluster and deception.

No, loving yourself is all about self-respect, self-care, and self-nourishment.

Of course, some of the participants in my university classrooms and corporate meetings look at me strangely and somewhat timidly ask, “What do you mean by loving yourself?”

I always give them the same answer that Dr. Sidney B. Simon, my 96-year-old mentor gave me. He said, “When you love yourself, you don’t hurt yourself.” You don’t do those things that will destroy your mental health, your physical health, your finances, your family, your relationships, your future career possibilities, or anything else that is important to you.

Unfortunately, many people don’t love themselves enough to do the loving things they need to be doing. They’d rather pursue unhealthy, self-destructive behaviors and then joke about it instead of choosing healthy, self-nourishing behaviors that would be good for them.

Take your health, for example. Do you love yourself enough to really take care of your health or do you joke about how you abuse your health?

One person said, “Seven days without pizza makes one weak.” Someone else said, “One of life’s greatest mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds.” I suppose that’s why one person said “Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.”

If that’s the way you take care of yourself, then you can join the crowd that says, “Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.”

Or as my great aunt Ella Mills (yes, the same Ella Mills who made her living as the “fat lady” in the Ringling Brothers Circus) used to say, “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”

How much do you love yourself? Do you love yourself enough to not do those things that are hurting you? I hope so.

Love yourself. Simply and firmly decide that you are worth taking care of. It’s one way to keep yourself from being all tired, worn out, and off balance.

► 2. Make self-care a priority.

You can’t leave self-care to those times you’re so exhausted that you have no other choice. You have to make self-care a life-style or you will go downhill.

To make self-care a priority, periodically test yourself. Instead of living on autopilot, not even thinking about your balance, energy and health or your lack of it, take a look at the choices you’re making each day … from what you put in your mouth … to the TV and social media you let in your mind … to the people you hang around … and everything else. Every choice takes you closer to or further away from your own healthy self-care.

Every day, ask yourself, “Where did my choices take me today?” If you don’t like your answers, make some new choices tomorrow.

When you discover some self-destructive choices you’ve made instead of some self-loving ones, start to eliminate them your life, one by one. And there’s no better time than right now to do that, during this Christmas and New Year’s season, a season that’s all about birth, re-birth, and new beginnings.

To ensure your success,

► 3. Develop a support network that will keep you on track.

Let others know that you’re serious about self-care and life balance. Let them know you would appreciate them holding you accountable.

Be specific. Ask five people that know you and know about healthy living. Ask them to give you some honest feedback about how much you seem to love yourself and how well you take care of yourself. Ask each of them for one piece of advice that would help you live a healthier, more balanced, and self-nourishing lifestyle.

Then, as you work at improving, tell them what you need to stay on the improvement track. Maybe you need one of them to call you each day to check on how you’re doing. Or maybe you need someone to cheer you on when life becomes a bit overwhelming.

You only get to go around once in this world. How well you go around will be largely determined by how well you take care of yourself. So go out there and do it. Love yourself enough to take care of yourself.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue 1272-If you love yourself, you’ll take care of yourself.?

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post If you love yourself, you’ll take care of yourself appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.