People haven’t changed much since ancient times.
They can still be rude, insensitive, selfish, and—let’s be honest—difficult… at least some of the time.

And odds are, one of those difficult people sits a few desks away from you… or shows up regularly in your inbox… or joins your Zoom calls with their camera off and their opinions on full blast.

Research backs up what you already know intuitively: incivility and workplace conflict are rising and they are productivity killers. People lose time replaying confrontations in their heads, avoiding certain coworkers, disengaging emotionally, and giving less effort overall.

The good news?
You don’t have to fix difficult people to reduce their negative impact. You can stay productive—and even improve working relationships—if you approach conflict more strategically.

Here are four practical ways to do exactly that.

►1. Take an Honest Look at Yourself First

This isn’t about blaming yourself. It is about awareness.

I once worked with a man who changed jobs repeatedly because he found his coworkers irritating and abrasive. Over time, he realized something uncomfortable—but powerful: when he spoke, he came across as tense and easily flustered. A few coworkers subconsciously enjoyed pushing his buttons.

So he worked on his self-confidence, slowed his reactions, and practiced staying calm under pressure. As he changed, something surprising happened.

His coworkers changed too. They became much kinder.

Takeaway:
Before labeling someone “difficult,” ask yourself:

• Is there anything I’m doing—intentionally or unintentionally—that contributes to this tension?

• What do people experience when they interact with me?

You don’t have to be perfect. But growth often starts with a mirror, not a microscope pointed at others.

► 2. Look for a “Point of Entry”

Every difficult person has a backstory.
Think of it like rowing around a rocky island, looking for a place to land. You may not find it right away—but there is a landing spot somewhere.

It’s the same with people. Their rocky sharp edges usually come from some hurt somewhere in their lives.

Instead of reacting only to behavior, get curious about what might be underneath it.

One of my favorite examples is the new young minister who moved next door to a woman parishioner who criticized him relentlessly—his age, his sermons, his inexperience. Instead of pushing back, he looked for a point of entry.

At her home for lunch one day, he noticed her baking cookies, complimented them, and eventually learned she still baked them because her son—who had died years earlier—loved them. He commented on how difficult that loss must be for her.

That small moment of empathy changed everything. It started them off on a new relationship. She would bring him into her kitchen, give him some advice, and feed him. Indeed, she showed him how to win over all the other folks in the congregation.

It’s so easy to react to the behavior of difficult people. After all, it’s difficult. It does hurt. However … you don’t have to approve of someone’s behavior to understand their humanity.

Takeaway:
Separate behavior from motivation.

• Respond to the person, not just the problem.

► 3. Ask, “What Can I Learn Here?”

Difficult people are often the most effective teachers—whether we like it or not.

A Vice President in one of my programs once said, “Whenever a difficult person crosses my path, I ask myself, What can I learn from this person? Maybe patience. Maybe boundary-setting. Maybe assertive communication.”

That shift—from irritation to learning—changes everything.

When you see conflict as a practice field rather than a personal attack, you gain control over your response.

Takeaway:
Instead of asking:

• Why is this happening to me?

Try asking:

• What skill is this situation asking me to develop?

That mindset alone reduces stress and increases effectiveness.

► 4. Pause Before You Respond

Pausing doesn’t mean avoiding conflict. It means choosing a response that moves the situation forward instead of making it worse.

A senior manager once told me, “The most productive email I ever wrote was the one I didn’t send—at least not right away.”

After receiving a sharply worded message from a colleague, his first instinct was to fire back immediately. He typed a response filled with facts, justifications, and a bit of edge. Then he stopped.

Instead of hitting “send,” he saved the draft.

The next morning, he reread it—and immediately saw how defensive it sounded. So he rewrote the message in three short sentences, focusing on the outcome he wanted rather than the irritation he felt.

The result?
The conflict de-escalated.
The issue was resolved quickly.
And a working relationship was preserved—one that might have been damaged permanently by a fast, emotional response.

Not every battle deserves your IMMEDIATE energy.

Before reacting, pause long enough to ask yourself:

• Is this worth my time and emotional investment … now or ever?

• Will my response move this forward—or just keep it going?

Remember this simple truth:
What’s right is always more important than who’s right.

Takeaway:
Pause before you respond. Thoughtful restraint is not weakness—it’s wisdom in action.

One Final Thought

You don’t have to become best friends with difficult people.
You don’t even have to like them.

But when you:

• manage yourself,

• look for points of entry,

• focus on learning,

• and respond thoughtfully,

you’ll see better relationships, less stress, and a measurable increase in productivity.

Want to Go Deeper?

These are exactly the kinds of skills we’ll be developing inside my upcoming online community:

NEXT-LEVEL YOU: Communication, Confidence, and Leadership for Everyday Success

One of the 12 core pillars of NEXT-LEVEL YOU is Constructive Conflict—because most people were never taught how to handle conflict well. Instead of avoiding it or escalating it, you’ll learn how to:

• deal effectively with difficult people,

• motivate and lead others without authority battles,

• communicate with confidence under pressure,

• and apply practical tools immediately to your job, relationships, and life.

This is a highly interactive community, focused on real-world how-to’s—not theory, not fluff.

If conflict drains your energy or difficult people slow you down, you don’t need more patience—you need better skills.

And that’s exactly what NEXT-LEVEL YOU is designed to deliver.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip Issue 1331 [Tuesday Tip] ) 👉How To Stay Productive When You’re Surrounded By Difficult People

To ask Dr. Z any question or to schedule a free consultation, email him at Alan@DrZimmerman.com.

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To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.