Act like a leader and communicate like a friend
For years, I’ve heard people say, “You can’t motivate another person. All motivation comes from within.”
There is some truth in that. You cannot force another person to care, change, or give their best. But that is not the whole truth.
Think about the people who brought out the best in you. Perhaps a teacher saw your potential, a boss made your work feel important, or a friend encouraged you when you were ready to quit.
Those people motivated you. They didn’t put motivation inside you. They called it out of you.
People can also drain motivation through criticism, indifference, or disrespect. Everything you do affects those around you.
So how do you bring out the best in others?
Act like a leader and communicate like a friend.
I learned that lesson at 23
At only 23, I was hired to teach a university department of speech communication professors about the brand-new field of interpersonal communication.
Every professor was older and more experienced than I was. I was the new instructor—the “kid” in the room.
I brought knowledge they did not yet have because I was among the first people in the country to study, develop, and teach interpersonal communication.
If I appeared uncertain, no one would have followed me. I needed confidence and competence—but I couldn’t act like a know-it-all young hotshot.
I respected their experience, listened to their concerns, and helped them see what this new field could offer their students.
In other words, I had to act like a leader and communicate like a friend.
And it worked. In the years that followed, our communication program grew from only eight majors to more than 600.
That experience taught me four behaviors that can help you bring out the best in others.
1 Give people a purpose and keep it visible
People rarely get excited about another task or quota. They become excited when they understand why their effort matters.
I would not have motivated those professors by saying, “Your courses are outdated, and students need something different.” That would have aroused defensiveness.
They became receptive when they understood why this new approach mattered—and how it could benefit their students.
A good leader explains why the work matters, who will benefit, and how each person contributes.
Then the leader keeps that purpose visible. Important goals must be communicated clearly and consistently.
YOUR ACTION STEP: Before asking someone to do something, complete this sentence: “This matters because…” Then share that reason with the person.
2 Let your enthusiasm show
Enthusiasm is contagious. Unfortunately, so is indifference.
Those professors might have dismissed my ideas if I had approached the task without genuine enthusiasm.
You don’t have to bounce off the walls. Enthusiasm can be as simple as saying, “This will make a difference,” or “I’m glad we’re doing this together.” People are drawn to people who care.
YOUR ACTION STEP: Bring more positive energy to one routine activity. Change your words, expression, and tone. Then notice what happens.
3 Believe in people and help them grow
One of the greatest gifts you can give another person is a larger, more hopeful view of themselves.
People remember their mistakes. They don’t need another reminder of what is wrong; they need someone who sees their possibilities.
Those professors needed to know that I respected them as excellent teachers—and believed they could master this emerging field.
Say, “I know you can handle this,” or “This mistake does not erase your strengths.” Then ask, “How can I help you move forward?”
Sometimes people need to be heard more than they need your solution.
YOUR ACTION STEP: Encourage someone who doubts themselves. Name the strength you see and ask how you can support their growth.
4 Expect excellence and communicate with respect
Motivation does not mean constant praise, lowered expectations, or avoiding difficult conversations.
High standards show that the person and the work matter. But excellence and perfection are very different.
Perfection says, “You are never good enough.” Excellence says, “You are capable of more, and I’m willing to help you get there.”
When someone falls short, address the behavior without attacking the person. Instead of “You’re careless,” say, “There are three errors. Let’s determine what happened and prevent it next time.”
Be clear. Be honest. Be respectful. That is what it means to act like a leader and communicate like a friend.
Your Tuesday Tip Challenge
Choose one person you want to motivate this week. Then:
- Give that person a meaningful purpose.
- Express your sincere belief in them.
- Ask how you can help them move forward.
You may not be able to force motivation into another person. But you can create the conditions that call it out.
Take This Principle to Your Next Level
For years, I delivered my Journey-to-the-Extraordinary program to thousands of people, with the participants raving about the results they got. Like Pat Johnson, a counselor for the West Fargo Schools, who said:
“I’ve attended seminars all my professional life, but I have never experienced anything like your JOURNEY-TO-THE-EXTRAORDINARY experience. All the other seminar leaders seem to be talking in ‘nice, theoretical generalities.’ But you gave me things I could actually do to handle specific problems and people at work and at home. And I can tell you your strategies really work!”
Then an economic reality set in. The total cost of the Journey was about $3000, which made it unaffordable to lots of people. And I didn’t want anyone to be left out.
I wanted to make that same practical learning available to far more people. So I combined the strongest lessons from the Journey, four decades of teaching, and current communication research to create NEXT-LEVEL YOU™—my live, weekly online learning community. And Founding Members can join for just $37 per month.
Each week, we turn one proven principle into actions that build confidence, purpose, a positive mindset, and stronger relationships.
If you want to turn good intentions into real change, experience NEXT-LEVEL YOU with a FREE 7-day trial.
You’ll receive full access to the classroom, replays, practical materials, our supportive community, and one live Tuesday class with me.
You can join now and never be behind. Every class stands on its own, and the replays and materials are always available.
YES, DR. Z—I WANT TO TRY NEXT-LEVEL YOU FREE FOR 7 DAYS.
Make the above line totally clickable and goes directly to the NLY registration page.
Your credit card will not be charged today. If you cancel before the seven-day trial ends, you will pay nothing. If you continue, your membership will automatically continue at the Founding Member rate of $37 per month—a rate locked in for as long as you remain a member—with no long-term contract.
Come inside. Attend a class. Put one idea into practice. Then decide.
Keep on growing. The best is yet to come!
Dr. Alan Zimmerman
