For over 40 years, psychologist Dr. John Gottman studied why marriages succeed or fail. With eerie accuracy—up to 94%—he could predict whether a couple would divorce just by watching them argue for 15 minutes.

But here’s the kicker: it wasn’t whether they argued, it was how they argued. The successful couples handled disagreements with respect, repair, and positivity. The failing ones didn’t.

And that principle applies far beyond marriage. The same truth impacts your work relationships, your friendships, your leadership effectiveness, and your ability to influence others.

Here’s where most people go wrong. They treat every conflict the same way. Big mistake. After years of research, I discovered there are actually four types of conflict—and each one requires a different strategy. If you don’t know what type of conflict you’re in, you’re likely using the wrong strategy three out of four times.

That’s why the first step in conflict management is always to identify the type of conflict you’re dealing with. Then you can apply the right approach. In today’s Tuesday Tip, I’ll focus on the first two of those types of conflict.

Why do marriages, teams, organizations, and even countries fall apart?

And do they fall apart for the same reasons?

After speaking to hundreds of audiences—live and virtual—and coaching countless leaders through thorny disputes, I can assure you the answer is a resounding yes.

At the top of the reason list: unresolved conflict.

• Marriages don’t end because people argue, but because they argue badly.

• Teams implode when disagreements fester into grudges.

• Organizations stall when turf wars go unchecked.

• Countries tear apart when divisions turn to hate speech and violence.

Here’s the key point. Don’t miss it. Conflict itself isn’t fatal—it’s the inability to resolve it constructively that destroys trust, performance, and relationships.

Last week I outlined the first two types of conflict. Today, let’s explore the last two: Ego Conflict and Value Conflict. Learn to recognize them and apply the right strategies and you’ll transform breakdowns into breakthroughs.

This is the most explosive form of conflict. It happens when disagreements turn personal, and someone’s ego gets attacked.

► 3. Ego Conflict.

The post Mismanaged Conflict Could Be Killing You Right Now! appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

For over 40 years, psychologist Dr. John Gottman studied why marriages succeed or fail. With eerie accuracy—up to 94%—he could predict whether a couple would divorce just by watching them argue for 15 minutes.

But here’s the kicker: it wasn’t whether they argued, it was how they argued. The successful couples handled disagreements with respect, repair, and positivity. The failing ones didn’t.

And that principle applies far beyond marriage. The same truth impacts your work relationships, your friendships, your leadership effectiveness, and your ability to influence others.

Here’s where most people go wrong. They treat every conflict the same way. Big mistake. After years of research, I discovered there are actually four types of conflict—and each one requires a different strategy. If you don’t know what type of conflict you’re in, you’re likely using the wrong strategy three out of four times.

That’s why the first step in conflict management is always to identify the type of conflict you’re dealing with. Then you can apply the right approach. In today’s Tuesday Tip, I’ll focus on the first two of those types of conflict.

► 1. Simple Conflict

This happens when two people want different things and those things are incompatible.

At home, maybe you want to spend the tax refund while your spouse wants to save it. At work, maybe you want to introduce a new procedure while your coworkers resist change.

How to handle it:

• State the problem clearly. Almost no one bothers to do this.  The two parties simply go at it.  Neither one of them makes sure they’re even fighting about the same issue.

Let’s say that a husband and wife are fighting over a football game they’re going to attend.  The wife wants to bring her brother along, but the husband doesn’t want him to come.  They could argue about several issues, ranging from relatives to money to who got their way last time … and get nowhere.

But if the husband says, “Let me get it straight.  What we’re hassling about is the fact that you want to bring your brother and I don’t.  Is that the key issue?”  It’s a straightforward statement of the problem.  And it keeps the focus on one issue instead of several.

• Get the facts. Why does each side feel the way they do? Bring out the reasons behind the positions.

In our example, once a straightforward statement of the problem is made, the husband could ask for the facts.  He could find out why she wants her brother to come.  And he could share the reasons he does not want her brother to come.

She may say, “I’d like him to come because he’s having a hard time on his job.  His girlfriend left him.  We haven’t seen him for three months.  He’s down in the dumps, and maybe we can cheer him up.”

The husband might say, “Fine.  The reason I don’t want him to come is that I’m just not in the mood to hassle with him.  I always seem to get in a fight with him.  I’d just like a nice fun time with you at the football game.”  Find out the reasons behind your different positions.

• Find a “we” solution. Look for a solution you can both live with.

In our above example, the husband and wife found a “we” solution.  The husband said, “How about if we bring your brother to the football game this time, but next time it’s just the two of us.”

And she said, “Great.  But let’s keep it to just the football game.  We won’t take him out to dinner and talk for two hours afterwards.  I know you’re not in the mood for that.”

That’s a “we” solution.

► 2. False Conflict

This is the sneakiest type because it’s not even real. False conflicts happen when miscommunication or misunderstanding convinces people they’re at odds—when in fact they actually agree.

I once had two engaged students nearly break off their relationship because of what they assumed the other person meant in a phone call. They weren’t in conflict—they were simply misinterpreting each other.

And how do you know if you have a False Conflict on your hands? You get a reaction from the other person you didn’t expect. Such as you expecting them to be thankful about something and they’re angry instead. Most likely there’s some misunderstanding going on.

How to handle it:

• Ask for clarification. When someone reacts in an unexpected manner, say something like, “Help me understand… Tell me more … I don’t know what’s going on with you.”

Father John Powell described a false conflict he had… where he failed to take this first step in resolving the conflict.

He was conducting a spiritual retreat for a group of 100 high school boys.  During opening prayer, during his presentation, and all throughout the first evening’s session, there was one boy who was making all kinds of disturbing noises and distracting the entire group.  Father Powell was immediately angry at the boy.

When he finished his evening program, Father Powell asked the boys to sit in quiet contemplation for a few minutes before returning to their rooms.

All the boys did as instructed, except the one groaning kid who got out of his seat and quickly followed Father Powell out of the chapel.  Father Powell turned around and angrily said, “Yes!  What do you want?”

The boy said, “Father, I think I’m going to be sick.”  And with that he ran off to his room and threw up all over the place.

Later that night, Father Powell checked in on the boy.  He asked the boy, “Were you sick when you came to chapel tonight?”  The boy nodded his head.

So Powell said, “If you were so sick, why didn’t you just get up and leave?” The boy replied, “Oh Father, I couldn’t have gotten up and walked out.  That would have disturbed you!”

Father Powell had assumed he understood the reason behind the boy’s noisy behavior.  He assumed bad intentions. And that caused a false conflict.

All Powell would have had to do is stop his presentation and ask for clarification. He could have said to the young man, “I keep hearing you make all kinds of noise. What’s going on?” And that would have been the end of the conflict.

The same is true for you. When you get a response you don’t expect, check it out!

• Restate your intentions. Once you’ve clarified what’s going on with the other person, once you’ve eliminated any misunderstanding, make sure the other person understands you.  Restate what you were trying to communicate, and proceed from there.

For example, if a coworker seems to take offense at a comment you made, even though you thought it to be a rather innocuous comment, restate your intention.  Say something like, “I really didn’t expect you to react negatively when I shared the article I found. I wasn’t questioning your expertise at all. You’re excellent. But I thought you might find the article interesting.”

False conflicts are the easiest to resolve—if you slow down and seek understanding before reacting.

Bringing It All Home

Here’s what I want you to take away today:

1. Not all conflicts are created equal. Learn to identify the type you’re facing.

2. Keep it simple when it’s simple. State the issue clearly, gather facts, and search for a “we” solution.

3. Check for false conflicts. Many arguments aren’t really about disagreement at all—they’re about misunderstanding.

If you do just those three things, you’ll resolve most conflicts faster, easier, and with less damage to your relationships.

The post Why Most People Lose at Conflict Today and How You Can Resolve It appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Conflict. Just reading the word probably makes your stomach tighten.

Most people don’t like conflict. In fact, many of us dread it. Our minds race, our hearts pound, our sleep suffers. And yet, conflict is unavoidable. It shows up in marriages, in families, at work, and — as we’ve seen all too clearly in America — in our communities and politics.

Some experts like to say conflict is an opportunity for growth. That may be true, but only if you handle it the right way. Otherwise, it turns toxic. In fact, I would argue that our nation’s mental health crisis and the tragic murder of Charlie Kirk are reminders of what happens when conflict is mismanaged, buried, or fueled by the inflammatory words of those who disagree with you.

So let me ask you: How do you handle conflict? At home? At work? And even in the bigger picture of how you engage with people who think differently than you?

When I asked myself that question years ago, I didn’t like my answers. That’s why I wrote my Ph.D. dissertation on conflict resolution because my marriage wasn’t going well and I didn’t know how to resolve our conflicts.

In the process of doing my research, I learned that conflict almost always boils down to one simple fact: something is missing. And when you can identify what’s missing, you’re on your way to resolving the conflict.

In my experience, there are five missing ingredients that cause most of our conflicts.

► 1. Missing Communication

Have you ever gotten mad at your spouse, coworker, or teenager because they didn’t do what you expected … only to realize later you never made your expectations clear?

 When people don’t know exactly what’s wanted, they feel insecure, and insecurity breeds resistance.

At work, this might sound like: “I thought you knew the deadline.” At home, it’s: “Why didn’t you tell me that’s what you wanted?”

If you want fewer conflicts, start by being crystal clear about what you want, when you want it, and why. Don’t assume people can read your mind. Clear communication may be the single fastest way to lower tension.

Challenge for you this week: Identify one area at home or work where people often seem confused. What could you say more clearly, kindly, and directly?

The post Why Conflict is Tearing Us Apart. Stop it TODAY! appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

For hundreds of years, older generations have complained about younger generations. The concerns sound familiar: They don’t work as hard. They don’t respect authority. They feel entitled.

But here’s the truth—we need to be very careful about those sweeping generalizations. They simply don’t apply to everyone. In fact, there are many young people who are absolutely outstanding.

I was reminded of that recently when I received an autographed book in the mail from a young man named Cole Anderson. His book is titled Just Look Up: A 21-Year-Old’s Guide to Growth, Confidence, and Living Fully.

Two things made this book especially meaningful to me.

First, Cole’s father, Scott Anderson, was once one of my university students. He was so exceptional that I hired him as my teaching assistant for several of my classes. Scott went on to write his own books on sales and became one of the most sought-after speakers and trainers in the country for developing salespeople.

When I realized that not only was one of my original students writing books, but now his son was writing books, I thought to myself: Wow, I must be getting old!

But then I remembered—I was a bit of an anomaly. I graduated from high school early, started teaching at the University of Minnesota when I was only 21, and many of my students were older than I was. I was sort of a real-life Doogie Howser (if you remember that old TV series about a teenage doctor).

So no, I’m not “that old.” I’m still speaking, coaching, and working full-time—and on weekends, you’ll find me hiking in the mountains.

Second, what made Cole’s book special was not just the content, but his hunger to learn. He tracked me down for a private meeting, asking deep questions, because he is constantly seeking wisdom and growth. Frankly, I wish I could say that about everyone I meet, no matter their age.

So what can we learn from this 21-year-old’s perspective on life and success? A lot. Let me highlight three lessons worth applying in your own life.

► 1. Consistent Tiny Changes Lead to Big Results

“Imagine you’re the captain of a ship, and you set sail just one degree south of your intended course. At first, it doesn’t seem like a big deal—you might not even notice the deviation.

But after a long journey, you end up hundreds of miles from where you originally planned to be. Whether it’s a positive or negative habit, consistently repeating a small action every day can lead to extraordinary change over time.”

My speaker colleague John Maxwell puts it this way: “You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.”

Your challenge: Write down two or three tiny daily actions—things that seem small but would, over time, change your life dramatically. Then start doing them today. Consistency, not size, is what creates transformation.

► 2. Share Your Goals with the Right People

Most people love to talk about their goals. We share them, receive praise or encouragement, and it feels good. But here’s the danger—psychologists have found that when you talk too much about your goals to the wrong people, your brain registers the praise as if you already accomplished them. That false sense of accomplishment actually reduces your motivation to follow through.

And then what happens? You end up being one of those people that we’ve all met … people who are “going to” do this or that—start a business, write a book, get fit. But somehow, they never quite get around to it. They confuse their talk about their goals with actually working on their goals.

Cole’s advice is simple: Just share your goals with people you deeply respect and will hold you accountable. Research backs this up: you’re 65% more likely to reach a goal if you share it with someone like that, and 95% more likely if that person becomes an accountability partner that checks in with you regularly.

Your challenge: Ask yourself honestly—are you more talk than action? This week, choose one meaningful goal and share it with one or two trusted people who will hold you accountable. Then schedule check-in times with them. It will work wonders.

► 3. Combat Indifference

Cole warns that indifference is one of the greatest threats to success. It doesn’t fight against you directly, but it quietly lets everything else win. Indifference kills ambition, keeps people stuck in unfulfilling jobs, and lulls them into unhealthy habits.

Think about it—every time you scroll social media instead of learning, or choose junk food instead of exercise, you’re not just making a small choice. You’re reinforcing a pattern of complacency.

The antidote is intentionality. Before making a decision, pause. Ask yourself: What are the long-term consequences of this choice—physically, mentally, professionally, and financially? That quick reflection can redirect you toward decisions that support your future instead of sabotage it.

Your challenge: Identify one area of your life where you’ve been indifferent—maybe your health, your career, or your relationships. This week, take one intentional step to move out of indifference and into action.

Final Thought

These are just three of Cole Anderson’s many wise observations about life, success, and failure. What amazes me is that he’s learned them so early. I’m thrilled about that.

And I sincerely hope you’re already living these lessons, too. But if you’re not, now is the perfect time to start. Because wisdom is only as valuable as the action you take with it.

The post Today a 21-Year-Old Teaches Us About Success. Really? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Imagine boarding a plane and hearing the captain say:

“Thanks for flying with us. I’m not sure when we’ll take off, where we’ll land, or even which direction we’ll be heading. But hey, relax and enjoy the ride.”

You’d probably jump out of your seat. Why? Because no sane person would trust a pilot who doesn’t know where he’s going.

And yet… how many people live their lives that way? They drift along without a clear destination—hoping things somehow turn out right.

The truth is, if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up someplace you don’t want to be. That’s why goal setting is not just important—it’s essential. It’s the defining characteristic of every highly successful person I’ve ever studied, worked with, or coached.

And I practice it myself. In fact, when people ask me what has made the biggest difference in my own career and personal life, I tell them without hesitation: goal setting.

Why Goals Matter

J.C. Penney once said, “Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I’ll give you someone who will make history. Give me a stock clerk without a goal and I’ll give you a stock clerk.”

He was right. Goals transform ordinary people into extraordinary achievers.

After presenting a two-hour, step-by-step program on goal setting at Knouse Foods, Vice President Richard Esser wrote me this note. He had been struggling for years to lose weight and then maintain his desired weight, without success. Richard said, “Alan, I do have to thank you for your direction on goal-setting. I set a goal for weighing 193 pounds and your process worked like magic! Companies should invite you in to teach their people how to achieve their goals.”

Richard was an ordinary person who became an extraordinary achiever. And you can too. Read on.

Just look at history. After World War II, Japan was devastated—no resources, no wealth, no global power. Yet they set bold goals:

• First textiles. Done in a decade.

• Then steel. Achieved in the 1960s despite having no coal or iron ore.

• Then automobiles. They overtook the world by 1980.

• Then electronics. Think Sony, Panasonic, Nintendo, Toyota, and Honda.

They didn’t “hope” to rebuild—they set goals to lead the world. And they did.

Or take a more contemporary example: Elon Musk. Whether you agree with his style or not, you can’t deny the power of his goals. Colonize Mars? Transition the world to sustainable energy? Reimagine transportation? Those are audacious goals and they drive everything he and his companies do.

The same principle applies to you and me. Goals give your life focus, purpose, and momentum. Without them, life feels scattered. With them, life feels directed.

How to Set and Achieve Your Goals

From my years of work as an educator and professional speaker, I can tell you absolutely, unequivocally, if you don’t have definite, written goals for every aspect of your life, you are not getting anywhere near what you could be getting out of life.

From working with more than a million people worldwide, I’ve learned that achievers do three things:

1. They set clear goals.

2. They create a plan to reach them.

3. They take consistent action.

Here’s a process you can use:

► 1. Ask yourself some stretching questions.

What would you go after if you knew you could not fail? Don’t edit your dreams or worry about whether they seem possible. At this stage, just let your imagination run.

► 2. Write them down.

This is non-negotiable. Research proves that written goals are far more likely to be achieved than unwritten ones. Writing them tells your subconscious: of all the millions of possibilities in the world, these are the ones that matter most to me. As soon as your mind gets that kind of focus, it starts to subtly think of ways to make those goals come true.

► 3. Write down your goals with specificity.

Writing your goals is absolutely necessary. But so is the way you write your goals. Vague, blue-sky, wishy-washy goals are seldom achieved because they do not provide a target for your mind to hit.

For example, contrast these two goals. Which one do you think is more likely to be work? “I want to be a better husband.” Or, “I want to be a husband that shows more love to my wife by listening to her more intently, complimenting her more frequently, and taking her on dates more often.” Obviously, the second goal will work so much better for you.

Write down your goals with specificity.

► 4. Make sure they’re your goals.

Don’t chase someone else’s dream. Set goals that YOU really, Really, REALLY want to achieve. It will ignite your motivation to accomplish more than you might ever imagine.

I’m reminded of 90-year-old Hulda Crooks, who set a goal to climb Mount Whitney, the tallest mountain in the continental U.S. Age, setbacks, and doubt didn’t matter—because the dream was hers. And she did it.

► 5. Balance your goals.

Don’t pour all your energy into one area and neglect the rest. I’ve seen people succeed at business but destroy their health and relationships along the way.

Make sure you have goals in several areas: career, health, family, finances, personal growth, recreation, and spirituality. Success in one without the others won’t feel like success at all.

► 6. Visualize your success.

See your goals as already accomplished. That’s right. As silly as it sounds, sit down once in a while, close your eyes, and visualize your goals as … finished, completed, achieved!!!  The clearer and more often you picture that, the stronger your subconscious works to make them happen.

Athletes do this before big games. Executives do it before big presentations. You can do it every day to program your brain for success.

► 7. Take daily action steps.

Dreams without action are fantasies. Action—even small action—is what builds momentum. Spend at least 5 to 15 minutes of conscious effort every day moving toward your goals.

Winston Churchill put it bluntly: “It’s not enough to say you are doing your best. You must do what is necessary.” Daily action is necessary.

► 8. Celebrate progress.

Don’t wait until you’ve reached the finish line. Celebrate small wins along the way. Each one builds confidence and energy for the next step.

The Bottom Line

Most people don’t get what they want from life because they never sit down to decide what they want. They’re like passengers on that aimless plane, hoping to land somewhere good.

But life doesn’t work that way.

Set your goals. Write them down. Take action every day. Do that and you’ll join the ranks of people who live with purpose and achieve results that once seemed out of reach.

As I’ve seen in my own life and in the lives of countless others: goal setting isn’t just a technique. It’s your ticket to a great life.

The post Goal Setting: Today’s Power That Shapes Your Future appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Let me ask you a personal question.

When your alarm goes off on Monday morning, what’s the first thought that pops into your mind?

• “Here we go again…”

• “I can’t wait for Friday.”

• Or do you actually feel a spark of energy and purpose, ready to take on the week?

Your answer says a lot about whether you’re moving toward burnout—or toward balance.

And let’s be honest: times are tough. Stress is everywhere. Change is coming faster than ever. That’s why some people hit the wall and burn out while others seem to handle the pressure, keeping both their work and personal lives in balance.

The real question is: Where are you right now?
And maybe just as important: Where are the people around you—your team, your colleagues, your family?

The Signs of Burnout

Burnout shows up in dozens of ways, but three in particular stand out—and they’re deeply personal

► 1. Burned-out people cheat their companies.

Think about this: when someone is being paid $40 an hour but only gives back $20 worth of effort, that’s not just low productivity—it’s a form of theft. They’ve stopped caring, and “just getting by” has replaced doing their best.

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I’ll just coast today… nobody notices anyway”? That’s the seed of burnout taking root.

► 2. Burned-out people cheat their families.

Maybe you’ve been there—you come home late, drained from work, and instead of really connecting with your spouse or kids, you’re glued to your phone or thinking about tomorrow’s meeting.

And when your family complains, you rationalize: “Things will slow down soon… I’m doing this for you.” But deep down, they’re not buying it. They don’t want your paycheck; they want you.

► 3. Burned-out people cheat themselves.

Listen to how people talk about their jobs. Do you hear a lot of “justs”?

• “I’m just a secretary.”

• “I’m just an assistant manager.”

• “I’m just a truck driver.”

That one little word—just—strips away pride, purpose, and meaning. And without pride, stress turns into burnout fast.

Thomas S. Haggai put it beautifully:

“None of us are unimportant or insignificant; none of our jobs or achievements are small. In the economy of your world… there are no little people. Business is a vast and harmonious symphony, and to work properly, it takes all the notes and all the instruments.”

That includes your note. If you’ve ever caught yourself belittling your own work—or heard your employees do it—it’s a flashing warning light that balance is slipping away.

Five Strategies You Can Use to Stay Balanced

The good news is, burnout isn’t inevitable. Balance is possible—even in stressful times. Here are five strategies you can start applying right now.

► 1. Get crystal clear on what you really want.

Don’t drift through life on autopilot. Stop and ask yourself: What do I truly want in my work, my relationships, and my personal growth?

When you know your answer, it becomes much easier to say “yes” to the things that matter most—and “no” to the distractions that pull you off course.

► 2. Evaluate whether your choices line up with your values.

Every so often, take a hard look at how you’re spending your time and energy. Ask yourself: Am I compromising the values that matter most to me?

Be especially careful when it comes to promotions, money, or new opportunities. A bigger paycheck or fancier title isn’t worth it if it comes at the cost of your health, your family, or your integrity.

► 3. Protect time for yourself.

You can’t keep giving if you’re running on empty. Make it a habit to carve out time just for you. That could mean reading something uplifting, going for a short walk, journaling, praying, or simply sitting quietly with your morning coffee.

Even a few minutes a day can recharge you and help you show up stronger for the people around you.

► 4. Pace yourself instead of rushing through life.

Busy is not the same thing as productive. If you pack your schedule too full, you’ll find yourself racing from one thing to the next, exhausted and distracted.

Try this rule: Whenever you add something new to your calendar, subtract something old. That one adjustment will keep your schedule manageable and your life less frantic.

► 5. Weigh every choice against its impact on your family.

Before you commit to that new project, promotion, or travel schedule, ask yourself: How will this affect the people I love—both now and in the years ahead?

Remember, no one gets to the end of their life and says, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” Protecting your relationships is one of the best ways to protect your balance.

A Next Step to Build Real Balance

If you found yourself nodding your head as you read this, you’ll want to go deeper.

On October 9–10, 2025, I’ll be leading my next Journey-to-the-Extraordinary virtual program. It’s a proven, transformational two-day experience where I teach the 12 keys to success in both life and work.

One of those keys is dedicated entirely to building and maintaining a healthy work-life balance—the very antidote to burnout.

You’ll walk away with practical tools that help you:

• Protect your energy and time

• Stay true to your values under pressure

• Strengthen your most important relationships

• Find renewed passion and purpose in your work

Register by August 31 to lock in the lowest tuition available before the price increases.

This is your chance to not just read about balance—but to master it.

Now It’s Your Turn

Let me leave you with two questions:

1. If you don’t change a thing about how you approach your work, will your family be in better or worse shape a year from now?

2. If you don’t change a thing about how you live your life, will you have more or less balance a year from now?

Your answers will tell you what you need to do next.

Because here’s the truth: Burnout isn’t a badge of honor. Balance is. And you have the power to choose which path you take.

The post Are You Headed for Burnout… or Building Real Balance? appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Ever stood at a busy intersection and just watched people? You’ll notice something kind of sad. Most aren’t walking tall with energy in their stride. They’re hunched, heavy, like gravity’s got a personal grudge against them. We’d think something was wrong if an animal walked like that—yet we accept it in ourselves and each other as “just how it is.”

But here’s the truth: that drained, defeated posture isn’t normal. It’s just common. And it’s a symptom of a deeper issue—feeling overwhelmed, over-committed, and pulled in too many directions.

Let’s fix that. Here are six smart, sanity-saving ways to get out from under the weight and become a more vibrant, buoyant version of yourself. Some of them come from the incredible psychotherapist Dr. Bev Smallwood, and some of them come from my own experience.

►1. WRITE IT DOWN

Yes, make the list. Dump it all out. Responsibilities, projects, errands, dreams, guilt-trips, all of it. Personal stuff counts too—especially that.

s it a terrifying mountain of things? Probably. But now it’s visible. Contained. No longer swirling in your brain like a cloud of bees.

Example: I tried this during a particularly chaotic period in my life—a child freaking out, a new book launch, several presentations around the world, a long fixer-upper list for the house, my workout schedule at the gym, quality time with my wife, training my employees, etc. etc. etc. Once I wrote everything down, I stopped spinning. I could actually see where the pressure was coming from—and more importantly, where to start.

Don’t stop now—we’re about to tame the beast.

► 2. GIVE IT UP

Let go of the most stupid, self-defeating myth of all: that you can do it all, be it all, please everyone, and finally get “caught up.” Newsflash—it ain’t gonna happen.

Admitting that truth is strangely freeing. As I tell my coaching clients, “Get a grip by letting go.”

Drop the Superman and Wonder Woman fantasies. You can’t do everything. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It just means you’re human and you’ve got to choose wisely.

► 3. PICK YOUR PRIORITIES

This is where the magic begins. Look at your list from point 1 and ask:

• What really matters? What two of three things will have the deepest meaning, biggest long-term benefit, or most impact on my life?

• Which actions could create a ripple effect—moving the needle across multiple goals?

• If you could only accomplish three things in the next six months, what would they be?

Circle those.

Then (this is crucial): set the big, overwhelming list from point 1 aside. You can refer to it once in a while, but don’t have it in front of your face all the time.

You’re not ignoring it. You’re about to create a more manageable, less overwhelming approach instead.

Mike Sojka of the Fastenal Company learned these and lots of other techniques at my Journey-to-the-Extraordinary experience. He says:

“Even though it was only a short time ago when I attended your Journey experience, I’ve already seen amazing results.   I used your affirmation/goal-setting process to successfully start my own business.  And I used your techniques to eliminate worry … which has made life a lot less stressful. Thanks again for showing us the skills to succeed into the extraordinary.”

► 4. BREAK IT DOWN

Once you’ve identified your priorities in step 3 above, slice each one of them into bite-sized actions. What’s the very first step? Then the next? Then the next?

Be specific. “Work on project” is vague. “Draft intro paragraph” is clear and doable.

Example: My friend Jana wanted to write a book, but the idea of “write a book” just sat on her list for years. Finally, she broke it down: “Outline chapter one,” “Write 500 words,” “Research character background.” She started with just 15 minutes a day. A year later? She’s got a manuscript—and an agent.

Yes, step four takes a few minutes. But trust me: when your brain knows exactly what to do, it stops screaming in panic and starts saying, “Okay. I got this.” The feeling of being overwhelmed starts to go away.

► 5. BOOK IT

Now put those small, bite-sized actions in your calendar.

Because this is the kicker: If it’s not scheduled, it won’t happen. You don’t “find time.” You make it. Daily. Deliberately.

It’s especially helpful if your bite-sized actions are also HVA’s … High Value Activities. In other words, those particular actions moved you forward in achieving your goals or reducing the overwhelm.

BTW: The actions you book on your calendar include the personal and fun things that are important to you, not just work stuff. My wife and I learned this while living in Minnesota for many years. We’d go through a long hard winter, waiting for the summer to come. And then, when the summer was over, we’d sigh in frustration and ask, “Whatever happened to the summer?”

Basically nothing. Because we never booked it on our calendars. Ever since that time, we sit down and talk about every upcoming season … winter, spring, summer, and fall … and discuss who we want to see, what we want to do, and where we want to go during that season.  AND then we book it on our calendars. It works like magic.

► 6. CHECK ‘EM OFF AND CELEBRATE

Each time you complete one of your booked bite-sized actions, check it off.

If your action was an HVA, a high value activity, celebrate. Fist pump. Dance in the kitchen. Text a friend. Whatever feels like a win—because it is.

Example: A client of mine started keeping a sticky note on her fridge for her three daily HVAs. Every night, she’d cross them off and give herself a tiny reward—Netflix, chocolate, five minutes of social media without guilt. In one month, she made progress on a business launch she’d been procrastinating on for a year. Bonus: she also started sleeping better.

Imagine the momentum you’d build by doing three meaningful things a day. That’s 90 key actions in just a month. Think what that adds up to! A lot less overwhelm and a lot more walking tall.

The post Feeling Overwhelmed? Stop it NOW! appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

Devastating Truth #1: The world is not fair.

As much as we would like it to be otherwise, the world will never be totally 100% fair.

Things will not always go your way, even though you deserved certain outcomes. Everyone will not agree with you, get along with you, or treat you the way you would like to be treated.

So get used to it and get over it.

How do you that? You realize that you’ve only got two choices. One, you can spend countless hours or even years complaining about how unfair the world is, how you’re a victim, and how it doesn’t make any difference what you do, because you’ll never get ahead. That’s the approach losers take.

The second choice is the one that winners take. They’re realistic enough to know that there is a degree of unfairness in every part of life. However, they know they ALWAYS have control over their attitude and their response to the difficulties in life.

Ask yourself, when you see unfairness in the world, do you act more like the whining loser? Or do you act more like the attitude-driven winner who knows there’s always something he or she can do to make things a bit better.

Devastating Truth #2: No one owes you a living.

The whiners and losers often complain that it’s not what you know but who you know that determines so much of your success and failure in life. There’s some truth in that statement, but it is definitely not the whole truth.

The fact is, many people do things that ruin their reputations and weaken their relationships. They may do such things as:

• Abuse technology,
• Exhibit poor communication skills,
• Show a lack of professionalism,
• Disrespecting others, and
• Having poor ethics, judgment, and character.

And then those same people wonder why others don’t like them or why they’re not getting the promotions they think they deserve.

The truth is relationships matter, big time. People like to work with and be around people they know, like, and trust.

So how much of your time is devoted to building your reputation and relationships? Is it one of your top priorities? Or is it more of a hit-and-miss thing, that you might pay attention to if you don’t forget or have the time?

Go ahead and asses your reputation and relationships. What is your reputation brand at work and at home? Are you known for the right reasons? List five things you are doing or could do to burnish your reputation and strengthen your relationships.

Devastating Truth #4: We regret the risks we don’t take.

Everyone has a comfort zone. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But anything you want more of … such as a bigger paycheck, a stronger body, a better relationship, a more exciting career… requires risk taking. In other words, you can’t stay in your comfort zone, doing what you’ve always done, and expect things to get better.

Yes, it will take courage to take risks. Saying what you really think and feel could be a risk. Challenging someone’s ideas could be a risk. Or even speaking up at a meeting and sharing your ideas could be a risk.

I would never advocate taking stupid risks just for the sake of taking risks. Risks have to be thought out, constructive, with the intention of making things better.

But I would also not advocate living your whole life in a comfort zone, doing what you’ve always done. The result of that behavior is regret. In other words, you get two choices in life: take a risk trying to move ahead or not take a risk and have a life filled with regret.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue: 1280- Four devastating TRUTHS that determine your success or failure every day!

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post Four devastating TRUTHS that determine your success or failure every day appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

THE UNDENIABLE POWER OF YOUR WORDS

It sounded too weird to me. So in the interest of checking this out, I had my university students bring two same-sized onions to class, with two glasses, and two labels to put on the glasses … one saying “I love you” and the other one saying “I hate you.”

Within two weeks, the onion root systems and growth … or lack of it … was dramatic. They looked like this. The love-affirmed onion was growing big time as the hate-attacked onion was dying.

Sounds wild, doesn’t it? But Dr. Masaru Emoto documents this phenomenon in his book, The Hidden Messages in Water.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue: 1279- Do your words matter? Heck YES!

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post Do your words matter? Heck YES! appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.

As a child, you were probably taught to watch what you say. After all, the power of life and death can be found in the tongue. That’s right. To a HUGE extent, what you say out loud or what you say in your head as negative self-talk  has a HUGE impact on everything from your mental and physical health, to your financial status, the quality of your relationships, the amount of success you achieve in your work, and everything else.

As I tell my audiences and coaching clients:

• What you speak about, you tend to bring about.

For example, if you keep saying you can’t stand your job, you have a better chance of losing your job.

If you keep saying you can’t stand your body, your body is more likely to get sick.

If you keep saying you’re always broke, guess what? You’ll always be broke.

If you keep saying you can’t trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you.

If you keep saying you can’t find a job, you will remain unemployed.

If you keep saying you can’t find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thoughts will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs.

When I learned the power of my negative words and when I learned how to turn that around, my whole life, all my relationships and my career all changed for the better. And for that I will be forever grateful.

Or follow up any negative thought with a command that says, “Cancel. Cancel.” With repetition, you neutralize the negative thoughts and reset your autopilot, at least for the moment.

►2. Reject your Mind Binders

Avoid the use of such words as “can’t.” As industrialist Henry Ford (1863–1947) put it,

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Eliminate the word “impossible” from your vocabulary. One of my students helped me do that when she gave me a poster that read, “An impossibility is nothing more than a big idea striking a small mind.” And the business books and the sports pages are filled with stories of people who did the impossible because they refused to speak the word “impossible.”

►3. Reprimand your Mind Binders

This will sound silly, but it works. Keep a rubber band on one of your wrists, and whenever you think a negative thought or utter a negative comment, snap the rubber band.

Sure, it will hurt a little, but it’s a simple way to remind your mind and your mouth to stop using that negative self-talk.

►4. Replace your Mind Binders

For example, if you find yourself thinking something like, “I’ll never be able to handle those difficult coworkers,” replace that with a more constructive thought. Tell yourself something like “I can take a seminar on dealing with difficult people, and I can improve my skills when I’m talking to them.”

Instead of saying, “I’ll never amount to anything,” replace it with a comment such as, “I’m getting better and better.”

Your self-talk is not some innocent, innocuous bystander in your life. As I said earlier, what you think and speak about you tend to bring about. As American author and artist Florence Shinn (1871–1940) wrote,

“The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.”

Bottom Line: You will never rise about your own self-talk. It’s time to learn how to stop the negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk.

Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue: 1278- How to Get Unstuck From Negative Self-Talk

For a copy of Dr. Zimmerman’s latest book, The Champion Edge: Skill Sets That Fire Up Your Business and Life, go to https://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/the-champion-edge-skill-sets-that-fire-up-your-business-and-life/

To subscribe to Dr. Zimmerman’s free weekly Internet newsletter, the Tuesday Tip, or to give someone else a free subscription, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/subscribe. You’ll also receive Dr. Z’s whitepaper on 93 Truths for Unlimited Happiness and Success.

To receive more information on Dr. Z’s speaking, training, and leadership coaching, go to https://www.drzimmerman.com/.

The post How to Get Unstuck From Negative Self-Talk appeared first on Dr. Zimmerman | Communication Expert & Speaker.