8 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Build Unbreakable Relationships Every Day
Over the years, I’ve met thousands of people who were smart, driven, and skilled — yet they struggled in one area that mattered most: relationships and connecting with others.
They could analyze numbers, lead meetings, and design strategies, but they couldn’t build lasting trust, loyalty, or influence. Why? Because they ignored emotions — both their own and those of others.
That’s where emotional intelligence comes in. Research by Daniel Goleman and countless others has shown that emotional intelligence (EQ) predicts success far more than IQ ever will. In fact, studies show that up to 75% of a person’s long-term effectiveness at work depends on their ability to read and respond to people — not just problems.
So, if you want to strengthen your influence and deepen your connections, start using these eight emotionally intelligent habits.
► 1. Talk “we” more than “me.”
Great leaders and teammates understand that success isn’t a solo act.
Instead of focusing on your own wins, emphasize shared goals and shared credit. The language of connection is we, us, and together — not I, me, and mine
Try this: Next time your team succeeds, say, “We did it,” even if you led the charge. You’ll double your influence and multiply your goodwill.
► 2. Connect personally, not just digitally.
Texting and emailing may be convenient, but they can’t replace a face-to-face smile, a phone call, or a genuine conversation.
Karl Albrecht, the founder of the Aldi supermarket chain, said, “Making things happen still requires the ability to make people like you, respect you, listen to you and want to connect to you. And by connect, I mean connect personally, not digitally. The human connection will always, always, always outrank the digital connection as a get-ahead skill.”
Technology transmits information. People transmit emotion.
When something matters, don’t hide behind a screen. Walk down the hall. Pick up the phone. Connection beats convenience every time.
► 3. Get curious about people’s stories.
Every person you meet has experiences, lessons, gifts and talents that could teach you something. Learn what they are, so you can not only connect with them but also tap into those experiences to achieve your organizational goals.
Ask questions that show you care about who they are, not just what they do.
Ask, “What’s been your favorite project to work on lately?” or “What’s something you’ve learned about leadership this year?” You’ll discover ideas — and loyalty — you didn’t know were there.
► 4. Learn what motivates them.
Not everyone is driven by money or titles. Some thrive on appreciation, growth, or purpose. Find out what makes people tick — and honor it.
Ask: “What kind of recognition means the most to you?” Then actually use their answer.
► 5. Give full attention.
In a distracted world, undivided attention is the rarest and most powerful gift. When you talk with someone, silence your phone, close your laptop, and be all there.
After one of my business seminars, one man seemed to attract women like a magnet, even though he wasn’t the most physically attractive man there. So one executive asked another what his secret was. His fellow executive replied, “Look at his eyes. When someone speaks, his eyes never leave theirs. He listens with rapt attention. He knows that even if a person isn’t a charming conversationalist, he can be a big hit as a charmed listener.”
The most magnetic people aren’t the best talkers — they’re the best listeners.
► 6. Practice empathy in action.
Empathy isn’t about agreement; it’s about understanding. It means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes long enough to see the world from their angle.
At Disney, leaders periodically spend a day working alongside frontline employees. Why? Because perspective builds empathy — and empathy builds respect.
Try it: Spend a day in someone else’s role. You’ll never lead the same way again.
► 7. Put others first — sometimes.
When you intentionally help others succeed, you rise with them. Be generous with your time, ideas, and encouragement. Your self-focused selfishness isolates you from others, but your service to others connects you with them.
Ask, “What can I do to make your job easier?” — and mean it.
► 8. Recognize and appreciate people daily.
Recognition is the fuel that keeps relationships strong. Verbal praise is great; handwritten notes are even better. Small, sincere gestures of appreciation can transform workplace morale — and marriages too.
And it’s not hard to find things to recognize. A psychology professor once sent cards to a dozen acquaintances which he selected at random. Each card had the same message, “Congratulations, you should be very proud.”
The results were fascinating. Everyone who received a card replied with a hearty “Thank you.” They reported new promotions, new grandchildren, new home purchases, and sports and school victories. Some of them were surprised by the professor’s acknowledgment, but they all felt they had done something worthy of praise. The moral is obvious: 1) Everybody wants recognition; 2) it’s easy to give; and 3) there’s always something you can recognize.
“I notice what you’re doing, and it matters.” Those eight words could change someone’s week.
Bottom Line
Emotional intelligence isn’t just a “soft skill.” It’s a success multiplier — for your career, your team, and your relationships.
Start today by picking one of these eight habits to practice intentionally this week. Then watch how people start responding differently to you.
Attribution
Adapted from Dr. Alan R. Zimmerman’s original article published in Entrepreneur Magazine (Oct. 21, 2015).
Updated and expanded for 2025.
Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip Issue 1320 [Tuesday Tip] 8 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Build Unbreakable Relationships Every Day
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