How To Win Over Co-Workers,
Eliminate Conflict In Relationships
And Fire-Up Your Team To Achieve
Extraordinary Results…
So far, I’ve given you the first 6 of the 12 keys. You can use those 6 keys to transform your personal life — to carve out and live an amazingly successful life.
But what does that matter if you’re surrounded all day by people stuck in ordinary lives, unwilling to change or constantly negative in their outlook and attitudes? You’ve got to know how to bring out their best.
In this department, I was fairly “lucky.” My family was poor. We lived in a 500 square-foot basement house because we couldn’t afford to put a house on top. Our car was a beat up old rattle trap, and our clothes came from neighborhood yard sales. So I had to work if I wanted such luxuries as a bike or new clothes.
I was “lucky” enough to find work that… unknowingly… unconsciously… taught me how to motivate others. Through lots of trial and error, of course. It was either learn how to do it or stay poor. So by the age of 7, I was selling greeting cards door to door. And by the age of 14, I owned a small international import business.
Later I stumbled into a job that… unwittingly… taught me how to get the cooperation of others. I was hired as a teacher and counselor in a reform school. I had to get those guys on my side. I had to get them to work with me instead of against me, or I would have been dead meat.
I realized that if I could figure out how to get cooperation in reform school, I could get it anywhere!
The same is true for you. To truly break through and achieve extraordinary success, you need to discover how to rally your “team.”
Your team might be comprised of coworkers, customers, family members, friends, associates, advisors, etc. – everyone who has impact on the results you produce and your quality of life. To produce extraordinary results in a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g that’s important to you, you must know how to motivate and get the full and willing cooperation of others.
I created the B.E.L.I.E.F. System to help you get the very best out of others. The B.E.L.I.E.F. System gives you the remaining 6 Keys to Extraordinary Success. It stands for…
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B: Belief
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E: Engagement
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L: Listening
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I: Importance
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E: Example
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F: Follow-through
With these six keys, you can rally support and win people over to your side. You can pull them out of their little comfort zones, help them embrace change, and brush up their attitude. You can help them turn their get-by performance into get-ahead results. In short, you bring out their best… when you start with the …
7th Key To The Extraordinary:
Belief
To successfully lead a team or motivate an individual, you have to believe in the other person. In psychology it’s called the self-fulfilling prophecy or the Pygmalion Effect. If you believe the other person can produce, and if you expect that to happen, that’s what you’ll get most of the time.
Now that may sound like psychobabble to you, but let me assure you it’s not. It really works – if you know how to work it. All the research shows that. The other person almost always performs up to your expectations.
In layman’s terms, this Belief key is a matter of showing respect. Of course, that’s just common sense. But it’s not common practice. That’s why comedian Rodney Dangerfield made a fortune focusing on one theme, and one theme only, “I get no respect.” To some extent, almost everyone could identify with him, because almost no one gets much respect.
In personal and professional relationships, I’ve noticed 3 levels of respect:
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Level One might be called Rudeness. Somehow or other, you’re put down. You’re told you don’t count. Other things and other people are a great deal more important than you are. And when that happens, customers, co-workers, and family members won’t stick around long.
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Level Two is called Apathy. Whereas Rudeness is active disrespect, Apathy is passive. The other person just doesn’t give a darn. You see it every time a person walks by a piece of trash without picking it up. And you see it every time an employee says, “I just work here.”
If you’ve seen any of that going on in your home or workplace, let me tell you, you can’t afford to let that continue. Apathy like that is highly contagious and extremely expensive.
Unfortunately, too many of our interactions fall into Rudeness and Apathy levels. In fact, I’ve found 50 commonly used phrases I call “Killer Thoughts and Statements.” All of them communicate a disrespect for others. And all of them show clearly how we don’t believe in others when we use them.
When they’re used on or off the job, they literally kill off the energy, cooperation, and performance amongst the people.
Believe it or not, disrespectful thoughts and words can wipe out all your energy and make it impossible – literally impossible – for you to even lift a muscle. At the end of this tour, I’ll reveal how you can overcome the negativity of others so you never come down to their level.
I’ll Prove It To You…
That’s one of the big ways I differ from the other teachers you’ve had and the other seminars you’ve attended. They just talk at you and PowerPoint you to death. I make sure everything I teach is a hands-on, get-involved, try-it-for-yourself, take-it-home-and-use-it skill that can be applied immediately to produce immediate results.
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Level Three is Warmth. This is the territory of champions. There’s a popular phrase that says, “Business goes where it’s wanted.” And it’s true. Extending warmth … giving respect … and showing belief by eliminating Killer Statements … is the fastest way to create an invisible bond between you and your teammates, customers, and even your family members.
By creating a workplace environment of warmth, you set the stage for…
8th Key To The Extraordinary:
Engagement
After all, everybody is asking the same question. Everybody is wondering how they can get others to do what they want them to do. Managers spend years trying to find the answer to that question, as do salespeople, spouses, friends, coaches, etc.
Well there is an answer. There is a way to get people to do what you want them to do. I call it “The Cooperation Principle.”
But I must warn you, it’s going to sound so simple that you may think I’m insulting your intelligence. I’m not. I’ve learned that just about everybody has heard “The Cooperation Principle” before, or some variation of it, but I find very few people who truly understand it. And I find fewer yet who apply it correctly.
“The Cooperation Principle” says:
“If you give others what they need,
they will give you what you need.”
they will give you what you need.”
You can get a bachelor’s degree, a Master’s degree, or even a Ph.D. in business or psychology. But I’ll tell you from experience, almost everything they’ll ever teach you will boil down to some variation of The Cooperation Principle. The more important question is HOW you use the principle to get what you want.
First, you have to know what people need. I’ve learned there are 5 things needed by the people in your business life… and 5 things needed by the people in your personal life.
Second, you have to give them what they need. At any given time, one of those 5 needs is driving the other person. Meet that particular need and the other person’s resistance to your request simply melts away.
Sounds simple. But most people twist this around. Most people don’t even think about what the other person needs. Most people try to get what they need first. And that only leads to frustration and headaches.
When The Cooperation Principle is executed properly, people will not only give you exactly what you need, they’ll do it with enthusiasm. Why? Because you’ve already helped them!
Sometimes, if you do this really well (which I’ll show you how to do) they’ll even come up and ask how they can help you. You won’t even have to ask for the help yourself!
Of course, you’re probably wondering how you figure out which of the 5 needs is driving the folks at work and at home. You do that by implementing…
9th Key To The Extraordinary:
Listening
I know thousands of speakers out there who talk about listening. But we’ve got to go several steps farther with this. “Listening” is not enough.
To bring out the best in others, to discover their true needs, to build bonds of trust, you’ve got to start with what I call “Brave Question Technique.”
Talking about the weather, the traffic, the football game, or any number of superficial topics doesn’t cut it. You’ve got to go deeper to find out what the other person really thinks, really feels, and really wants.
I’m eager to teach you the Brave Question Technique because I have seen it turn the most troubled relationship into a healthy and incredibly cooperative and enjoyable relationship. And I’ve seen it catapult good teams into consistently victorious teams.
I’m eager to teach you the Brave Question Technique because I have seen it turn the most troubled relationship into a healthy and incredibly cooperative and enjoyable relationship. And I’ve seen it catapult good teams into consistently victorious teams.
You start the process by avoiding questions that can be answered with a simple “Yes” or “No.” And you ask a lot more questions that start with “Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How.” Of course there’s a lot more to the process, but you’ll learn about that later.
After you’ve asked a Brave Question, you’ve got to respond with Empathic Listening. And most people don’t. They just wait for their turn to talk again. Empathic Listeners improve their relationships and bring out the best in others by following 6 steps.
One of those steps is called “Focus.” They keep the focus on the speaker until he or she is fully finished. They don’t steal the focus by saying such things as “That reminds me of” – and then take the conversation off into another direction.
Empathic Listeners also practice positive reinforcement. Through their use of eye contact and various nonverbal cues I can share with you, they encourage the talker to keep talking. They make it safe for the other person to be open and honest.
Do You Have This BIG Problem…
By the way, if you suspect people are saying one thing to your face in meetings and something else behind your back later, you’ve got a BIG problem. And you need to master the Brave Question and Empathic Listening techniques as soon as possible.
Of course, some people say, “I don’t know what to ask the other person. I don’t know what to ask my employee, team member, customer, spouse, or kid. I don’t know how to deepen and strengthen those relationships.” No problem. I can give you a list of questions that will open up and build up any relationship.
Other people say they have employees who just won’t talk to them. Or they’ve got kids who give them one-syllable responses. They can ask questions all day long, but all they get back is a few grunts and groans. There’s no real dialogue.
That’s frustrating, but it is fixable. When you use Empathic Listening correctly, you’ll find that people will love answering your questions, talking to you and working with you.
How To Make Sure This Motivational System
Really Works…
I’ve just talked about the 7th, 8th, and 9th keys to Extraordinary Results. I’ve talked about the B, E, and L in the B.E.L.I.E.F. System that brings out the best in others.
But you’ve got to be sure the other person is working to his full potential. And you’ve got to be sure the more difficult people in your life change their attitudes and behaviors. The final three keys ensure exactly that.
