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Motivation:
Comedian Rodney Dangerfield always said he "got no respect." In fact, it was so
bad that his wife wouldn't let him be in their wedding photographs.
Now that's bad. But it's nothing new. About a hundred years ago, one of the
founding fathers of psychology, Dr. William James, wrote, "The deepest craving
in human nature is to be appreciated."
How true! And I would even say this craving is so deep and so broad, that very
few of us ever get enough. The need for appreciation, recognition, and respect
is almost always there -- waiting to be satisfied.
The reason is quite simple. People are usually more concerned with getting their
recognition needs met than meeting the recognition needs of others.
However, if you take the time to extend appreciation, to help others satisfy
this deepest of all psychological cravings, you will have power. You will have
the power to positively influence them.
So how do you extend appreciation? What really works? Of course I cover that in
great detail in my program on "PEAK PERFORMANCE: Motivating the Best in Others."
If you'd like an outline of the program,
click here.
or if you want to speak to me about the program, call me at 1-800-621-7881. But
here are a few tips to get you started.
BE CREDIBLE. If you've seldom had a kind word for anyone, sudden lavish
expressions of appreciation will cause suspicion. People doubt dramatic
conversions.
Start with a single compliment. Then share another one a few days later. If you
slowly increase the frequency of your praise, your friends and colleagues are
more likely to believe and accept your appreciation.
BE SPECIFIC. General statements such as "You're wonderful... super... neat...
great" are too vague to be fully effective. People will wonder if you're "just
saying it" or if you really mean it. And they'll never know for sure what you
are referring to.
I can remember back to my days of being a college student. I would work and work
and work on a paper for a professor. But when I got it back, if it only had a
general comment like "Good job," even if I got an "A" I felt cheated. There was
nothing specific to hold on to or build from.
Your appreciation is much more effective when it's specific. Tell the other
person exactly what you like about him. Or tell her precisely what was so good
about her performance. Your specificity tells the other person you've taken the
time to think about what you're saying, and he or she is much more likely to
internalize the praise.
COMMENT ON IMPROVEMENT. Nothing is more demoralizing than have others ignore the
improvements we have made. We need to know that they have noticed.
Let's say, for example, that you give an employee a performance review. You ask
the employee to make some improvements, and he agrees to do so.
As soon as he makes a step in that direction, you've got to comment. If you wait
until the next formal discussion, which may be six weeks or six months, you both
lose. He figures you didn't notice so why should he bother to improve. You've
got to comment on improvement as soon as you see it.
GIVE PUBLIC COMMENDATIONS. One-on-one private praisings are not nearly as
effective as those done in public. As a manager, you could share some
appreciation at an employee meeting, or allow an employee to be present when you
are telling your boss about the employee's success.
PUT IT IN WRITING. Even though face-to-face appreciation is wonderful, sometimes
it can be even more powerful to put your comments on paper. Take three minutes
from your schedule. Write out four or five sentences -- handwritten, not e-mail
-- and send them to the person.
I find that employees and coworkers keep those notes for a long, long time.
Somehow they know it takes a bit more time and effort to compose a note than
make a comment, and that makes your appreciation all the more special.
I'll never forget the impact one of my notes had. To encourage one of my college
students years ago, I wrote him a note that said: "I enjoy having you in class.
I like your jokes and stories. You make class more fun."
Then I went on to write the following, because he seemed to be struggling a bit
in my class. I wrote, "I think you'll be okay in college. Don't give up. You
have my support."
Seventeen years later, a man hollered out to me at Logan Airport in Boston. He
said, "Dr. Zimmerman, I want to thank you for your note. It changed my life."
Of course I wondered, "What note?" I had forgotten.
He pulled out of his wallet a ragged piece of paper, my note from seventeen
years before. He said, "You don't know this, but my parents told me I was too
stupid for college. And I was scared when I started because I had never done
well in school. Then you wrote me the note. Whenever I've felt insecure the last
number of years, I've taken out your note and read it again. I'll bet I've read
your note a thousand times."
I thought, "Wow! A single note motivated someone to achieve his goals for years
and years." So I hope you're putting your praise in writing once in a while.
USE RELAYED POSITIVES. When you hear someone compliment another individual, pass
on the compliment. Give it to the appropriate individual. It always feels good
to know that others are talking about you in a positive way.
TURN NEGATIVES INTO POSITIVES. You can almost always find a way to turn
destructive criticism into constructive praise. Instead of saying, "It took you
5 years to graduate. What was your problem?" -- You could say, "You stuck it
out. Not everyone would have done that."
When you take the time and make the effort to extend sincere, timely
appreciation, you create the perfect win-win situation. The other person feels
great receiving your appreciation, and you feel great for giving it. And the
atmosphere is positively charged for greater amounts of cooperation and
productivity.
Action on Motivation:
No one ever complains about getting too much appreciation. So pick 3 people
amongst your coworkers and customers to appreciate this week. And pick another 3
people from amongst your friends and family members.
Then use at least 2 of the appreciation methods outlined in today's tip. Go
ahead and give your appreciation. Your world will be a better place because of
it.
More articles:
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