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Interpersonal Communication:
Whether you know it or not, whether you like it or not, you
make a difference. Everything you say and do makes a
difference. Your words and deeds are either brightening
the world or darkening the world.
Sometimes you create brightness. You say some things that
put more hope and life into your personal and professional
relationships. At other times you create darkness. You
do some things that kill off the hope and life in your
relationships.
Of course, you and I could list a thousand things that
brighten or darken relationships but let me discuss two
of the most important things. In fact, if you did nothing
more than these two things, your relationships would
improve on and off the job.
First, REFUSE TO USE SARCASM. It always darkens relationships
because it always destroys a piece of the other person. It
makes the other person the butt of jokes and the object of
scorn. And sarcasm always puts the other person down
instead of lifting him up.
Unfortunately, sarcasm is one of the more common forms of
communication these days. Almost every TV sitcom is filled
with sarcasm, and in many cases, it is the only form of
humor used. It's one put down after another. So it's no
wonder that people begin to think that sarcasm is funny,
witty, and even okay to use in their own relationships.
Examples are everywhere. One plumbing company in northeast
Pennsylvania uses the slogan, "Don't sleep with a drip.
Call your plumber. "I admit it's very clever, but I also
wonder about the put downs some spouses might give each
other when their attempted home repairs didn't work out.
Or think about the conflicts that just naturally come
with every relationship. I think some people spend more
time looking for clever lines to deliver in the midst
of conflict than they do looking for skills to resolve the
conflict. Take, for example, the person that said, "I don't
have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. "
Someone else said, "Love is blind, but marriage is a real
eye opener. "And finally, "Love is grand. Divorce is a
hundred grand. "I can just imagine any one of those lines
being used in a nasty husband-wife argument, and the
conflict getting worse.
So refuse to use sarcasm, no matter how clever you sound
or how much you want to say it. Sarcasm may be okay for
the sitcoms and the occasional laugh, but just remember,
sitcoms aren't reality. In the world you and I live in,
sarcasm only darkens the world.
Second, make it a point to SHOW KINDNESS EVERY DAY.
Whether it's your customer, your coworker, or someone
at home, simply ask yourself, "What can I do right now
to make that person's life a little better?" Maybe
you listen for thirty seconds, give a compliment, help
carry a package, or find a telephone number. Just do
something to brighten that person's world. You'll almost
always get a better relationship in return.
I remember reading in Guideposts magazine about an American
family in France many years ago. It was Christmas Eve,
and it was a cold, depressing, rainy evening. They were
tired and irritable. Their car had broken down, so
they stopped at a dismal little restaurant about dinnertime.
There were only five tables in the room that were occupied.
One had a French family, and they were fighting. The French
father slapped his little son, and he was crying loudly. A
German family was also arguing. The wife was berating her
husband. And over in a corner a piano player was listlessly
playing Christmas music. The only person in the room who
seemed happy was an American sailor. He was writing a
letter to his sweetheart, judging from his facial expression,
and had a half-smile on his face.
Then there came an uncomfortable draft of cold air.
Through the open door came an old woman, a seller of flowers.
Water was dripping off her long overcoat, and her shoes were
soggy wet. She held in her hands a few little corsages.
She went over to the American family and said, "Flowers,
monsieur? Only one franc. "But no, they didn't want any.
Then she approached the French family:" One franc, monsieur?"
They didn't want it either. Nor did the German family want
a corsage.
So she sat down, discouraged, and said to the piano player,
"Joseph, it's Christmas Eve, and I haven't sold any
flowers all day long. "She called to the waiter and said,
"A bowl of soup, please. "Turning back to the piano
player, she continued, "Joseph, think of it--only a bowl
of soup on Christmas Eve. "He points to his tipping
plate which was empty. A glum, semi-hostile silence
descended on them all.
Then the sailor finished his letter and walked over to
the old flower woman and said, "Madame, how much are your
flowers?"
"One franc, monsieur. "
"I'll take two corsages. "He pressed one flat, put it in
with the letter and sealed the envelope. Then he handed
her a twenty-franc note.
"I have no change, monsieur," she said.
"Ah, that's my Christmas gift to you. You know, you
somehow remind me of my grandmother. "Then he leaned
down, kissed her cheek and said, "Happy Christmas!"
He then took the other corsage and walked over to the
American family, bowed to the husband and said, "Sir,
will you permit me to present this corsage to your
beautiful daughter?" And with that he was gone.
Then Christmas exploded in the restaurant. The old
flower woman danced around and said to Joseph, "This
is my Christmas present! I'm going to give half of it
to you so that we can have a feast together! Isn't it
wonderful?" And the pianist was pounding out Christmas
melodies like never before, and the beautiful "daughter,"
alias the wife, had stars in her eyes as she smelled the
flowers.
Then they began to sing, in German, French and English,
the old carols that span all languages: "Stille Nacht,
Heilige Nacht," "O Tannenbaum," and so on. The place
was filled with music, so much so that the American
went home and wrote a letter to the admiral of the fleet
and said, "Somewhere in your forces is a young sailor
who gave a very special gift to my family, to me and to
the other people in that French Restaurant. Because
your young sailor had the Christmas spirit in his soul,
he released the love and joy that had been smothered
within us by anger and disappointment. He gave us
Christmas. "
That's how kindness works. When you make someone's
life a little better, when you brighten his/her world,
relationships improve.
Action on interpersonal communication:
Take on the kindness challenge. For one day this week,
show a little kindness to every person you meet. Watch
their response. Pay attention to how you feel. And if
you like what you see and how you feel, then take on the
kindness challenge for another day.
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