There’s no way of avoiding difficult people.  We work with them, we live with them, and we are related to them.  Because there is always conflict when we encounter difficult people, we might as well learn how to deal with them.

I meet a lot of people who hate conflict. They’ll do anything they can to avoid it because, in their minds, it’s never the right time to fight. I also meet a few people who will fight anybody anytime if they don’t get their way. Neither extreme is very effective. We all encounter both kinds and sometimes they are the difficult people we have to work with.  

If you want better results, CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTS CAREFULLY. In other words, know when to fight and when to withdraw. It’s not that difficult to figure out. 

Just ask yourself three questions. If you get a “yes” to each question, I would say you’ve chosen your fight carefully. So go ahead. Bring it up, talk it out, and work it through. 

The first question you ask yourself is, “DOES A THREAT EXIST?” Is that other person doing something that is getting in the way of your happiness or success? 

Perhaps a coworker is spreading false rumors about you. Does that threaten your relationship with other coworkers? It probably does. Or maybe your child selects a gross-colored shirt to wear. Does that threaten your success? Probably not. 

If you can say yes, a threat exists, ask yourself a second question, “IS IT WORTH A FIGHT?” Some things are worth fighting for, such as a happier marriage or more satisfied customers. Other things aren’t worth the hassle. 

One man told me of a year-long battle he had with his son. The father, a military man, despised his son’s long hair. They had several arguments over it, until one day the dad realized he had a good son. 

He said his son received good grades, had very nice friends, and never got in trouble. The teachers often commented on how much they liked his son, and indeed, he was an asset to the school. 

The dad told me that he suddenly realized that the more he and his son fought, the further they drifted apart. He realized he was losing his son over a haircut. It didn’t pass my second test. It wasn’t worth a fight, so he dropped that issue.

But if you can say “yes, a threat exists” and “it’s worth a fight,” then ask yourself, “IF I FIGHT, CAN I MAKE A DIFFERENCE?” If your experience tells you there is no way the other person will listen to you, there’s no way he’ll go along with you, then shut up. Don’t waste your breath. Don’t fight that battle. You’re going to lose anyway. 

Ask yourself these three questions before you get entangled in a conflict. If you do, you won’t be arguing with idiots, and you won’t be an idiot. You’ll be getting more positive results because you’ve chosen to do the right thing at the right time.

I go into great detail about dealing with difficult people at my 2-day workshop, “Journey To The Extraordinary”.  the next one will be in Denver on June 21-22, 2012. Click here for an outline of the program.

Dr. Alan Zimmerman

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Writing in “Fast Company” magazine, best-selling author Harriet Rubin makes a profoundly disturbing statement.  She writes:  “Of all the subjects that we obsess about, of all the subjects that we lust after, success is the one we lie about the most.”  

We lie about success, and its cousin, money, telling ourselves it will make us secure.  We lie about success, and its cousin, power, telling ourselves that it will make us important.  And we lie about success, and its cousin, fame, telling ourselves it will make us happy.  As Rubin puts it, “It’s time to tell the truth:  People are reaching the top, using all of their means to get money, power, and glory — and then self-destructing.” 

That’s why my program on “Take This Job and Love It!  Managing Stress, Preventing Burnout, and Balancing Life … On And Off The Job” continues to be so popular and so powerful.  Just click here to read all about it.  No one has to be overstressed, burned out, or off balance … if they have and apply these program skills to their jobs and their lives. 

To help you achieve the happiness and contentment you want and need, here are a few things you should be doing. 

1.  Learn to be happy with less. 

Yeah, yeah, I know.  That almost sounds unAmerican … if not just plain wrong … especially when it comes from a motivational author and speaker such as myself. 

And no, I’m not advocating laziness or complacency.  I believe in hard work, and very few people work any harder than I do.  But I’ve also learned how dangerous it can be when you believe that happiness comes with the accumulation of “stuff.” 

The simple truth is … no one should get everything he or she wants.  When parents do this for their children, for example, they destroy their child’s initiative and kill off their child’s sense of gratitude.  And when governments do this for their constituents, they create an anti-social, selfish, entitlement attitude. 

Of course, there are millions of people who need to learn to be happy with less.  But perhaps no one needed to learn that lesson more than one man.  He wanted more wealth, so he built one of the biggest financial empires of his day.  He wanted more pleasure, so he paid for the most glamorous women he could buy.  He wanted more adventure, so he built and piloted the world’s most unique aircraft, setting air speed records.  He wanted more power, so he acquired political clout that was the envy of Senators.  And he wanted more glamour, so he owned film studios and flirted with the movie stars.    

Did it work?  Well, you be the judge of that.  At the end of his life, he was a figure of enormous power … but good for nothing, except the grave.  He weighed a mere 120 pounds despite his six-foot-four-inch frame.  He had a thin scraggly beard that reached its way onto his sunken chest, and he had long hideous fingernails that grew like grotesque yellow corkscrews.  Many of his teeth were black, nothing more than rotting stumps.  A tumor was beginning to emerge from the side of his head, and his body was covered with needle marks.  Howard Hughes had become the world’s richest and most famous addict, a billionaire junkie. 

So here’s the question:  If Hughes had pulled off one more deal, made one more million dollars, and tasted one more thrill, would it have been enough?  Absolutely not.  The lie tells us we’ll be happy and content if we can just get a little bit more stuff.  But since the beginning of time, this myth has never proven to be true. 

You’ve got to learn to be happy with less … as one hard-charging executive learned.  When he decided to spend a few days in a monastery, the monk who led him to his room said.  “I hope your stay is a blessed one.  And if you need anything, let us know. We’ll teach you to live without it.”  

The secret is this:  Happiness isn’t getting everything you want, it’s enjoying what you have.  And often times, that means learning to be happy with less. 

2.  Seek silence. 

If you aren’t achieving everything you want to achieve, you could blame the government, the economy, your company, your boss, your color, your family, and a host of other scapegoats.  And indeed, all of those things could be factors in your life.  But more often than not, the biggest factors keeping you from becoming greater than you are now are all the inner conflicts going on in your mind.  

In fact, if you could look inside the heads of many people and see what is going on in their brains, you would be filled with pity.  As one novelist said when he was describing one of his characters, “He isn’t a human being; he is a civil war.” 

So how can you resolve your inner conflicts … the very conflicts that are robbing you of happiness, contentment, and work life balance?  How can you get through these blocks to release your true abilities?  

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, the father of modern-day positive thinking, says a good portion of the answer can be found in silence.  In fact, he often spoke of a physician-friend who sent some his patients to church to get “healed” of their inner conflicts.  

One patient resisted, saying “I hate sermons.”  Nonetheless, his doctor said, “Go and don’t even listen to the sermon if you don’t want to.  Take cotton along and put it in your ears when the sermon begins.  But my prescription for the happiness and stress management you need is to go to church.  They have a period of quiet. If you yield yourself to this quietness, the spirit of the Almighty will gradually permeate your mind with its healing influence. That is the medicine I want you to take.”   Just as he did in so many other cases, the doctor reported that a great change came over this man.  First, he attended church for one thing only … for that moment of silence.  Then he began listening to the music, and finally to the sermon. One by one his inner conflicts were resolved, and he regained his health, his vitality, and his productivity.  

What about you?  Are you getting and/or taking all the silence you need … to ensure all the happiness, contentment, and work life balance you want and need? 

And then…

3.  Remind yourself things could be worse. 

The 100-year-old comedian George Burns spoke about that.  He said, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring close-knit family in another city.”  Apparently Burns thought it would be worse if his family was close by. 

But Burns wasn’t a pessimist by any means.  He quipped, “Happiness is a good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman … or a bad woman, depending on how much happiness you can stand.”  

Of course, we can laugh along with Burns, but the truth is … things could always be worse.  Perhaps that’s why the Good Book tells us to give thanks in all situations.  Things could be worse.  

Snoopy learned that.  As he was lying in his dog house on Thanksgiving Day, he mumbled about being stuck with dog food while all those humans got to be inside with the turkey, gravy, and pumpkin pie.  “Of course, it could have been worse,” he finally reflected.  “I could have been born a turkey.”  

When you remind yourself “it could be worse, ” you’ve engaged a powerful tool that will go to work … building your sense of contentment. 

One of my heroes and mentors, Og Mandino taught me that.  As a motivational author, he told me, “I will love the light for it shows me the way.  Yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.” 

As you continue your search for happiness on and off the job, you need to… 

4. Understand what you seek is spiritual, not material. 

I always use the word “spiritual” with some trepidation, because some people go all wacky on me when I even mention the word “spiritual.”  Hang in there.  I’m not trying to convert anyone or push any particular theological doctrine on anyone. 

But as a researcher with a Ph.D. in interpersonal communication, I feel obligated to tell you what works for so many millions of people … whether or not you like what I have to say.  You see … the problem does NOT lie in the fact that people want more.  It lies in the fact that people want more of the “stuff” that will never bring the happiness, contentment, stress management, or work life balance they crave.  

St. Augustine said it very well.  In his words, “Our souls will never rest, until they rest in Thee.”  Or put into more contemporary terms, St. Augustine might have asked, “How could you ever feel at home when this world is not your home?” 

When you get your spiritual life in order, you will master the so-called “art of living.”  You will be able to handle anything that comes your way, according to economist E. F. Schumacher.  He said, “The art of living is always to make a good thing out of a bad thing.” 

Finally, as a way of checking yourself to see if you have truly learned how to be happy, to see if you actually passed the stress test.., 

5.  Look for the evidence of peace.  

In other words, you should be able to see, hear, and/or feel it in your life and in your work.  Author Saskia Davis called them “symptoms of inner peace.” She lists some of the following … and I’ve added a few of my own. 

• Greater tendency to act with spontaneity rather than be controlled by fear.  
• Greater ability to enjoy each moment.  
• Less interest in judging other people as to what they “should” do. 
• Less time spent on judging yourself and being worried what others will think.
• Less interest in the conflicts and gossip that surround you. 
• Less time spent on worry.  
• Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.  
• Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
• Frequent attacks of smiling.  
• An increasing acceptance of the love extended by others as well as the desire to show love in return.  

As Davis finishes her list, she says:  “WARNING: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk.”   That’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Action:

Find time for silence at least twice this week. And begin to incorporate this practice into your life.

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

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Having your own empire might sound brilliant, but it didn’t do much good for Julius Caesar, the first emperor of Rome.  After joining the Roman Army, Caesar quickly moved up through the ranks, winning a civil war and extending the powers of the Roman Empire throughout the globe.

By 48 B.C., his successes on the battlefield led him to be elected as the sole ruler of Rome.  Returning from the battlefield to look after his people, Caesar attempted to make radical changes in the way Rome was governed.  He was so powerful that he could pick and choose which politicians could stay to advise him and sack the ones that didn’t agree with him.

Caesar’s supposed friends and closest advisors — some 60 politicians in total — thought that the power had gone to Caesar’s head and that he must be stopped in order to save Rome.  So on the 15th of March 44 B.C., the members of the Senate stabbed him to death with knives they had hidden under their togas. 

I think there are two lessons we can take from that incident.  One, beware of people wearing togas, and two, make sure you know what doesn’t work when it comes to leading others.  That’s why my program on “The Leadership Payoff:  How The Best Leaders Bring Out The Best In Others … And So Can You” remains one of my most requested programs. (You can check it out or give me a call at 1-800-621-7881 if you’d like to talk about how this keynote or seminar might fit into your next meeting.)

In the last 25 years of researching and teaching leadership, I’ve seen an awful lot of fads come and go. I’ve also seen a flood of leadership efforts that produced far less than the leaders hoped or expected.  They wasted great amounts of time, money, and energy on activities that produced little more than frustration. 

However, in those 25 years, I’ve also learned there are several leadership activities that almost NEVER work.  If you’re leading a company, a team, a committee, a department, a region, a volunteer group, or even your family, you would be well advised to AVOID the following.

1.  Barking out orders.

Most people hate being told what to do, and yet all too many leaders enjoy giving orders.  In fact, that may be the only leadership style they know.

Unfortunately, order-barking comes with several inherent problems.  The first being … giving orders rarely brings about quality, committed action on the part of the employees.  They tend to do just enough to get by and just enough to stay out of trouble.

The other problem with order-barking is that it only relies on one motivating factor … the employees’ fear of what might happen if they don’t do what they’re told.  That kind of motivation is very shallow and very fleeting.

By contrast, effective leaders, according to Harvard professor John Kotter, are in the business of getting people to make changes, willingly and eagerly.  And that typically requires the leader to “sell” his/her ideas, through dialogue, gradually getting people to buy into a new vision, as they see how the organization’s vision will help them achieve more of their own goals.

2.  Showing favoritism.

The fact is … most of us have our favorites at work … even in our families.  Our favorite coworkers (and favorite friends and family members) are probably the ones who make our lives easier.  But as author Phil Van Hooser writes, “There is a major difference between having favorites and showing favoritism.”

Every employee expects to be treated fairly, and as a leader, you must be very careful about meeting those expectations.

One simple remedy is to share your time with everyone … as much as that is practical and feasible.  After all, if your group is large, you probably spend most of your time with your highest-ranking employees, passing assignments and feedback down the line.  Be sure you spend some time with folks you don’t interact with so often.  They’re also important, and they need to know it.

3.  Hiring the wrong people.

The best leaders have always surrounded themselves with capable, devoted followers.  And yes, I know it’s hard to find good people, even in a challenging economy.  But it’s well worth your time and effort to find those people.  As leadership coach Monica Wofford says, “Finding the right person for the job is far more important than finding a person to fill the job.”

Or as I advise my clients and my audiences, you must hire for attitude and train for skills.  And CEO of Costco, Jim Sinegal, echoes my sentiments.  He says, “If you hire good people, give them good jobs and pay them good wages, generally speaking something good is going to happen.”

Of course, every leader makes a poor hiring choice once in a while.  If you do so, recognize it … fast.  Then deal with it.  Either change the position or change the person.  And when it’s time to fire someone, don’t ponder or postpone your decision. Just recognize your mistake and fix it. 

And don’t waste your time second-guessing yourself.  I’ve spoken to thousands of leaders across the country, and I’ve asked them if they ever fired anyone.  All their hands go up.  When I ask them if they ever regretted firing someone, all their hands come down.  In fact, their only regret is the fact that they didn’t fire the person earlier.

4.  Failing to celebrate small victories.

As consultant Lou Briganti mentions, “Effective leaders realize that excellent work is rarely done without a passion for work, and passion cannot long survive without the simple but often overlooked feeling of joy.” 

To keep that passion and joy going in the workplace, effective leaders must look for things their people are doing right and commend them.  And don’t just look for the big victories when everything goes well.  Look for the small victories that happen along the way to reaching your big goals.  You can even … and indeed you should … look for the silver linings in failed projects. 

To find those small victories in your successful and not-so successful work, ask yourself or ask your people, “What went right?  What happened that we could call a victory?” Effective leaders find creative, powerful, and often inexpensive ways to celebrate a variety of things at work … with their people.

Blogger John Milne writes, “Acknowledge your achievers publicly and privately. Grow a strong culture of celebrating, rewarding, and honoring achievement.  Your people want to speak of their pride in their workplace.”

5.  Getting big headed about your title.

As Van Hooser warns, “When individuals are placed into positions of leadership and responsibility, one of two things normally happen. They either grow or they swell.”

And growth is good and normal.  That’s why most people register for my “Journey to the Extraordinary” program … which will be coming to Denver on June 21-22, 2012.  As Registered Nurse Terry Truex from the Orthopedic Institute said, “Now I’ve got a systematic approach for identifying problems and actually solving them.  Your ‘Journey’ framework literally ensured my success.”

(To learn more about the “Journey” or register for it, click here.)

So yes, growth is good, but swelling is the first step before something bursts and rots.  You can’t do that and be an effective leader at the same time.

Remember this key point:  Leaders are both confident and modest.  Being a leader is not about making yourself more powerful.  It is about making the people around you more powerful.

6.  Being overly rigid.

As you well know, not everyone thinks, acts, reacts, or works in the same way. People are different, and those folks working on their leadership skills make a special effort to understand the differences in their followers.  They make allowances for those differences rather than have everything done “MY way.” 

If you have an overly-rigid tendency, I recommend Briganti’s procedure.  He talks about separating Big T from Little t truth statements.  In other words, it’s very difficult and very rare that you can make absolute statements because we are all afflicted by “an angularity of vision.”  We can only see one side of a wedge, sphere, or situation at a time.  Instead of arguing about who’s right and who’s wrong on many issues, try saying instead, “From where I stand, this is what I see.  What are you seeing?”  This opens up dialogue rather than debate.

As I always tell my audiences, it doesn’t matter what your job title is.  You’re always leading or influencing somebody.  And if you’re going to be an effective leader, you must adopt the leadership skills that work.  BUT you must also avoid the leadership behaviors that don’t work … which include the ones listed above.

Action:

If you were to ask the people you lead which of the six behaviors listed above that you exhibit, what would they say?

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

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More than anything else, the quality of your life depends on how you use or misuse your mind.  

Professional athletes know this.  In fact, they’ll tell you that their success or failure is 10% physical and 90% mental.  

The same thing goes for people in business.  I’ve received hundreds of letters from people who tell me they’ve moved from the bottom to the top in their industry.  Their success was partly due to the fact they got their rear in gear, but more importantly, they got their mind working for them instead of against them. 

One such letter came this week from Matt Towers.  He gave me permission to share his story because it may help many of you out there.  And after you read his story, keep on reading … because I’m going to give you a goal-setting process you can use to bring about the change and personal development you want in your life. 

In his words, “My name is Matt Towers, and I was fortunate enough to attend your ‘Journey to the Extraordinary’ experience years ago through my employer. Through your teachings, I have been able to gain a new lease on life.  I used to dread going to work, was obese at 290 pounds, and struggled to find the motivation to make any changes in my life. I had a negative outlook on my future, struggled with depression, and felt like a failure as a husband and father.”  

“Unfortunately, I didn’t put your teachings into practice right away.  Then a couple years later, I found your CD on the “10 Sure-Fire Ways to Become a More Positive Person” that you distributed at the ‘Journey.’  I made a commitment to listen to it over and over again in my car, wanting the information to sink into my subconscious, as I had reached a point in my life where I was fed up with feeling lousy all the time. For several weeks, I listened to nothing but that CD in the car, and I started to use the tools that you talked about.”  

“A few months after my total immersion into your material, we had an organizational change at work that put me on a new team.  In the past, I would have been pessimistic and pouty at the idea of having to start all over again, trying to move up the corporate ladder from the bottom.  But my new mind set saw it as an opportunity for personal and professional growth.  As it turned out, the leadership on this new team is second to none, and I am thankful for the good fortune I have of getting to work with them every day … which I didn’t know at the time I was re-assigned to them.”  

“During all this, my wife signed up for and began attending a nutrition and weight loss course taught by Pete Thomas, the winner of Season 2 of ‘The Biggest Loser.’  She convinced me to sign up for the next session, and I realized that now was the time to take control of my health once and for all.”   “I dug out my materials from your ‘Journey to the Extraordinary’ experience and what you taught us about how to take control of our minds. I knew I had to get my head in the right place before I could make positive strides in my career and my health.  After all, you made me realize that I am the one in control of my subconscious mind … even though I’d been living life the other way for years … with my subconscious mind in control of me.” 

“I got serious about writing my goals as affirmations, just as you taught us.  I created the daily habit of telling myself positive affirmations, and I have been able to completely change my inner dialogue. Now, one year into this change process, I am down to 202 pounds. I got a promotion to a senior position on my team.  And starting this month, I will be teaching a new, 9-week course on nutrition and exercise called ‘Fit Families Forever.’  My outlook on life has never been better. I have a sense of purpose, and I can’t wait to help other people make positive changes in their lives.” 

“For all of this, I owe you a big ‘Thank You.’  You taught me how to get my head in the right place … which gave me the tools I needed to make huge strides in my career and my health.   So again, thank you for sharing your knowledge with me. I am forever in debt to you for giving me the steps to set my goals, achieve my goals, and make positive changes in every part of my life and my work.” 

Of course, I’m delighted … as well as humbled … to hear about Matt Towers’ success.  And I know you will experience the same kind of amazing success when you use the tools I teach at the “Journey to the Extraordinary” program … the next one being in Denver on June 21-22, 2012.  To learn more about the “Journey,” click here! 

Click here to save an extra $100  

But let’s take a moment right now to outline the steps Matt took to achieve his goals and create the personal development he wanted. 

1.  Take an inventory of where you’re at. 

Matt took an inventory and didn’t like where he was at.  He didn’t like his physical condition, his negative outlook at work, or his relationships at home. 

And that’s where all good and meaningful change starts … with a personal inventory … and an awareness that things are not the way you would like them to be. 

It’s what Simba needed to do.  If you remember the movie, “The Lion King,” the ghost Mufasa says to Simba, “You’ve forgotten who you are.  You are so much more than who you have become.” 

The same thing could be said about a lot of people.  They are so much more than they have become. 

To avoid that, I urge you to take an inventory to see where you’re at.   Otherwise, you’ll end up like the little boy who fell out of bed.  When his Mother ran to his bedroom, she asked, “What happened?”  The boy replied, “I guess I stayed too close to where I got in.”  

And then… 

2.  Figure out what you want. 

It’s absolutely critical that you figure out your goals or figure out where you’re going.  In fact, if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else. 

That’s why I tell people when I’m delivering my program on “The Payoff Principle:  How You Can Motivate Yourself To Win Every Time In Any Situation,” that one of the keys to the future is knowing exactly what you want from it. Click here to read more about it.  As soon as you know that, the future will start organizing your energy and your activities … and the world around you … to help you achieve your goals. 

Unfortunately, too many people never give “goal setting” a real chance because they don’t know how important it is, or they can’t figure out why it should work. 

Well, don’t dismiss this step as a bunch of baloney.  Alfred Adler, one of the greatest psychiatrists of the 20th century, wrote extensively about the “teleological” power of goals.  He argued that goals somehow helped create the very conditions that are needed for their fulfillment. 

Put another way, once you have clear, specific goals, the future starts to pull you in that direction.  Author and journalist Arthur Koesteler said, “The pull of the future is as real as the pressure of the past.”  

So figure out what you want.  Set some goals.  Set some big goals.  And don’t worry about HOW you’re going to reach them.  In fact, as author Bob Proctor points out, “If you know WHAT to do to reach your goal, it’s not a big enough goal.” 

Just follow Matthew Leake’s advice.  As one of my “Tuesday Tip” subscribers from the Edward Jones company, he tells people to “Fantasize” or get “A Dream of Fantastic Size.”  He writes, “Dream BIG!  And chase it like your life depends on it!” 

The future will help you … IF you figure out what you want.  It’s exactly what Matt Towers did and one of the reasons he was so successful. 

With that step in good shape, you must … 

3.  Visualize your goals.  

It’s very important … because all goals are mind accomplished before they’re actually accomplished.  In other words, if you can see them, chances are … you can get them.  But if you can’t see your goals in your mind, if you can’t visualize your goals, chances are … you’ll never achieve them. 

So take time to visit your goals in your imagination. Great athletes do.  Indeed, Olympic gold medalist Mary Lou Retton, for example, attributed much of her success to this technique. 

Retton says, “Each of us has a fire in our hearts for something. It’s our goal in life to find it and to keep it lit.”  And the way to keep it lit is to fire up your imagination by visualizing your goals.  

When you do, your imagination gives you the motivation and direction you need. As Anonymous wrote: 

“The Seed to Success is in Your Imagination”  
   
Visualize all the things that you want in life.   
Then make your mental blue print, and begin to build.
Your imagination can show you how to turn your possibilities into reality.
You must make every thought, every fact,
that comes into your mind pay you a profit.
Make those mental images work and produce for you. 
Think of things not as they are but as you want them to be.
Don’t just dream, be creative.
The will to succeed springs from the knowledge that you can succeed.

About 10% of your power lies in your conscious mind … about 90% in your subconscious mind.  So get your subconscious mind to work for you instead of against you by visualizing the goals you want to achieve or the changes you want to make. 

Along with your mental pictures, you also need to … 

4.  Talk to yourself. 

This was one of Matt Towers’ success secrets.  He learned at my “Journey to the Extraordinary” program the exact process for writing and using positive affirmations so he could get the personal development he wanted.  He learned how to talk to himself, and the results were stunning.  

After all, as Sonia Choquette says, “Behind every word flows energy.”  The more you talk to yourself … in the right kind of way … the more energy you will have to change your life or change your work.  

Again, great athletes know this.  Four-time Olympian Ruben Gonzalez kept telling himself, “No matter how bad it is, no matter how bad it gets, I’m still going to make it.”  It’s a great affirmation anyone can use. 

And Apolo Ono, another Olympian, created an affirmation poem that he would tell himself over and over again.  He would say,

“Today 
It’s time.
Heart of a lion.
I will give my ALL.
Heart, mind and spirit
Together.
This is what it’s all about.
All the way to the end.
Today I will stand tall.
No regrets.”  

That’s very powerful stuff.  A few minutes of positive affirmations … like that …  each day … will dramatically improve your life and career.  I know.  Affirmations healed a crippling illness I once had.  Hundreds of letters from clients tell me how they overcame great obstacles, got better jobs, and transformed their relationships when nothing else worked — all through affirmations. 

Finally, 

5.  Apply diligent effort. 

It would be nice to simply think positive thoughts to get everything you want in terms of change, goal achievement, or personal development.  It takes a bit more than that.  It takes some effort. 

The good news is, “There are two things over which you have complete domination, authority, and control — your mind and your mouth.”  says educator Molefi Asante.  Matt Towers certainly learned how to do that by listening to my audio CD on “10 Sure-Fire Ways To Become A More Positive Person.”  He learned how to control his mind and mouth, and now he looks better, feels better, is doing better. 

The other good news is … when you use the techniques listed above … when you apply the very powerful strategies taught at my “Journey to the Extraordinary” program, in addition to being successful in your change efforts and personal development goals, you also gain a tremendous amount of self-esteem.  As Abraham J. Heschel puts it, “Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.” 

Action:

To start the transformation process in your mind and in your life, think about and talk about what you want for the next 24 hours.  Refuse to think, talk or dwell on things you don’t want. 

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

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Reprint These Tips In Your Own Publication

I encourage you to reprint my “Tuesday Tips” in your own e-mail, online newsletters, or conventionally-printed publications. It’s free and legal … as long as proper credit is given.

All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

I have!!! I grew up in a family touched by alcoholism, suicide, divorce, and imprisonment. A few years later I lost the three most important people in my life … all in one weekend. So I know something about stress and hard times. I even know what it’s like to be broke, having to furnish an apartment for $100.

To learn more about attitude and SAVE $$$$$ on my book PIVOT click here! 

Watch my interview Clayton Morris on attitude, click here.

Or you could come to my next Journey To The Extraordinary.   Denver June 21-22, 2012

The Early Bird Saving registrations will be ending soon!  If two or more of you register together, you can save as much as $3000.

To learn more about the “Journey,” click here!

Or call Chris at: 239-273-7742

Click here to save an extra $100

• Bottom Line … Does it REALLY Work?
• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  Taking The E-normous Pain Out of E-mail Communication
• Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z
• Need a Speaker or Seminar Leader To Make Your Meeting Memorable?
• Forwarding Policy

There are many days that I get a big kick out of the e-mails I receive.  Some of them educate and motivate me … as indeed I hope the “Tuesday Tip” does for you.  And some of the e-mail gives me a laugh, such as this one I received recently, entitled:

IDLE THOUGHTS OF A WANDERING MIND

• I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. I don’t know what to feed it.
• I had amnesia once … or twice.
• All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
• If the world was logical, men would be the ones to ride side saddle.
• Someone told me I was gullible, and I believed them.
• Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the Interstate.
• Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
• One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
• The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
• Show me a man that has both feet firmly planted on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

But there are other times when my e-mail is just plain frustrating.  I’ll never forget, years ago, in the movie “Cool Hand Luke”, the prison guard who uttered the classic line, “What we have here is a failure to communicate.”

Well in today’s electronic world, it might be more accurate to say, “What we have here is a failure to communicate correctly.”  We often send and receive too much business e-mail, some of which is unnecessary, inappropriate, or too time consuming.

In fact, the Basex Corporation says more than $650 billion a year is lost in U.S. productivity because of unnecessary interruptions.  And one of the most frequent interruptions is e-mail.   So, being in the communication and productivity business myself, I’ve devised nine rules on how to write (and manage) business e-mails … or nine rules for e-mail etiquette.  You will benefit from applying one or more of these e-mail rules.

1. Do not check your e-mail the first hour of the day.

Don’t even turn it on.  Audrey Thomas, an expert in time management, says, “Instead, work on another project that requires your energy, focus and attention. Let this be your Power Hour. By avoiding ‘e-mail engagement’ the first hour of your day, you’ll be able to focus on important tasks without your mind wandering towards the e-mail in box.”

It works!  One sales person, for example, discovered he could reach more prospects via phone between 8:00 and 9:00 a.m. than any other time … because his prospects had not left for other meetings.

2.  Write specific, descriptive subject lines.

Subject lines matter.  “Hi, how are you?” or “Check this out!” don’t cut it as subject lines when people are receiving hundreds of messages per day.  Neither does something like “Message from Alan;” the receiver already knows that when he reads the “From” field.

Your subject line should address a specific topic.  Use five to eight well chosen words so your reader knows immediately what you’re writing about … which allows her to respond more quickly.  A subject line such as “Wednesday Meeting” is not nearly as helpful as “Agenda for Wednesday Customer Service  Meeting.”

And please, don’t bury your lead.  If your message is about something important, state it up front, in the subject line.  Better yet, if you inject a bit of urgency or a deadline such as “Reply by midnight about Engineering Department downsizing,” your message stands a much better chance of being read sooner.

If you don’t write a descriptive subject line, you run the risk of not having your e-mail read.  And if you leave the subject line blank, you don’t even deserve a reply.

3.  Talk about one subject per e-mail.

With today’s heavy workloads, it seems like almost everyone is just a step or two away from organizational A.D.D.  That makes it very difficult to track and respond to several different messages in one e-mail.

To make it easier for everyone to catch on and catch up, stick to one message in each e-mail you send.  If you stick to a single subject in your e-mail, it makes it much easier for your reader to search and refer to past messages when necessary.  And if you have another message for the same reader, start a new e-mail.

4.  Keep your e-mails short and to the point.

People not only get intimidated when they see a long e-mail, they often do not read e-mails that are longer than three paragraphs.  So do yourself and your reader a favor; keep your business e-mails brief.

Thomas says, “Get to the point. Within the first two lines, say what the purpose of the e-mail is. Use bullets or numbers to itemize points or requests. People skim a lot these days and using numbered or bulleted formats allows them to grasp right away what the e-mail requires of them.”

In other words, don’t get caught up in small talk and chit-chat unless it is a personal e-mail.  And if you want a good rule of thumb, if it takes longer to write the e-mail than it would to call the other person, pick up the phone and CALL him/her instead.  You can always summarize the important points from your conversation in a follow-up e-mail, if necessary.

There is one exception in e-mail etiquette:  You can write longer e-mails if the purpose is to motivate, educate, or entertain someone.  Just make sure your recipient knows that is your intention.

5.  Do not e-mail sensitive information.

Nothing is private on the Internet. When you commit something to text … or worse, to pictures or videos …and send it out, you’ve created something that lasts forever and can easily be sent on again.

Years ago, humorous author Mark Twain wrote, “The principal difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.”  In other words, the lie continues to live on.  And so does your e-mail.  It continues to live on in someone’s memory, someone’s computer, or a million other people’s computers.

So be very careful what you say to someone or about someone in your business e-mails.  In fact, I would recommend a rule suggested by William ‘Biddy’ Allen, who was a bus driver and the loving father of seven children, until he passed away in 2001.  He always taught them, “When you speak of someone or about someone, you should speak as though they were in the room with you.  The ears that you speak to today are attached to the mouth that could relay the message tomorrow.”

Be especially careful about e-mailing anything when you’re angry.  You see … there are lots and lots of things you shouldn’t do when you’re angry … such as drinking, driving, calling your significant other, or calling your significant other’s parents. The bottom line is DON’T send any form of text message when you are upset, especially if it’s a business e-mail you are writing.   

There’s always a chance that an e-mail from your boss or coworkers can rub you the wrong way.  Remember, not everyone is a skilled writer, and some people have nothing but a terse, in-your-face style of communication.  When they wrote their e-mail, chances are they never even thought about your feelings, and it’s quite possible they weren’t trying to be malicious. So consider the source. Take a few hours or even a day to reply. If time is of the essence, call or visit them in person instead. Often times, a face-to-face meeting can quickly defuse what could have been an ugly confrontation.

In terms of e-mail etiquette, take a moment to re-read and think about your e-mail before you send it out.  Don’t ever send out anything that you might later regret.

6.  Avoid ALL CAPS and use proper punctuation when you write business e-mails.

This may be the oldest bit of e-mail etiquette around, but it’s still important to point out to those folks who shun the “Shift” key in favor of “Caps Lock.” TYPING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS IS THE INTERNET EQUIVALENT OF SHOUTING.  And no one wants to be shouted at.  (Besides that, all caps are much more difficult to read.)

However, if you truly can’t handle a mixture of upper and lower case letters, then go all lowercase. That’s a “style choice.”

And for the sake of clear communication, remember punctuation matters.  Commas, colons, hyphens, and semicolons make your sentences easier to understand. Use them. In this case, more is usually better than less.

On the other hand, use acronyms sparingly.  Not everybody knows every acronym, and they don’t save that much time anyway.

7.  Forward cleaned-up business e-mails to as few people as possible.

Too many people mistakenly think that if “Reply” is good, “Reply to All” is better.  Wrong!  That is the very opposite of helpful e-mail etiquette.

We’ve all seen those messages come in:  someone who got the same company-wide e-mail you received hits “Reply All,” and now everyone in the organization has to spend a few more seconds reading through another e-mail that may be a total waste of time for just about everybody. 

Choose your recipients wisely.  Do not default to “Reply All.”  Avoid copying lots of other people “just in case” they might be interested.  We’re all too busy for that as we struggle to maintain some semblance of work-life balance.

And when you do forward a business e-mail, edit it first.  Delete any unnecessary information. Your recipients will appreciate only receiving the pertinent information. It’s one of the “nicer” rules of e-mail etiquette.

8.  Shut off ALL notification sounds and symbols for the arrival of new e-mails.

Audrey Thomas taught me that, and it’s made a huge difference in my life … even my sanity.  You must resist the temptation to look at every e-mail as it comes in or your day will be filled with interruptions and your productivity will take a nose dive.

But you protest, “What if an e-mail is extremely urgent?”  You think you can’t take the chance of missing it.  Well let me tell you, if an extremely urgent e-mail is coming, you probably know it’s coming and you probably know about when it’s coming.  In that case, it’s okay to glance at your e-mails at about that time.  Otherwise, shut off all those notification sounds.

And if you do miss an urgent e-mail, 99 times out of a 100, the other person will call you.  So the chances of missing anything important or urgent is very small.

9.  Designate times to read and respond to your business e-mails.

Rule 1 told you to avoid the first hour of the day.  That will be very tough for many of you.   But you must have FOCUS in your career or any career to be highly successful.  If you allow every phone call, e-mail or knock on your door to set your priorities at work and in life, you relegate yourself to a life of frustration, a mediocre career, and a very low income.   As author Michael Podolinsky asks, “Do you want to lose your frustration with work, get promoted, and make more money?  Simple: PRIORITIZE!”  You have to realize that you can’t do it all, so you must do what is important.  And you CANNOT do what is important if you are trying to do EVERYTHING … like taking a moment to glance at every e-mail as it comes in. 

Designate two or three times per day… at most … to read and respond to your e-mails.  You will feel less stressed, less distracted, more focused, and more productive.

In fact, one of my respected clients, Dennis Duffy, an attorney and financial advisor, recently sent this e-mail to all the people in his address book, taking it a step further.  I think his strategy makes a great deal of sense and he worded it very well.  Perhaps you need to do something similar.

Dennis wrote:  “In an effort to increase my productivity and efficiency, I am beginning a new personal e-mail policy in 2012. I’ve recently realized I spend more time shuffling through my in box and less time focused on the task at hand. It has become an unnecessary distraction that ultimately creates longer lead times on my ever-growing ‘to do’ list.”

He continued, “Going forward, I will only be checking /responding to e-mail about once per day around 4-5 PM CST on Monday through Thursday. I will respond to e-mail in a timely manner without neglecting the needs of our clients. If you need an immediate time-sensitive response, please don’t hesitate to call me. Phones are more fun anyway.  If for some reason I am not able to talk, be sure to ask one of my staff for help as they can often handle many items. Hopefully this new approach to e-mail management will result in shorter lead times for all the work I am doing for you, not to mention work that is more focused and creative.  Thank you … and here’s to a balanced life outside of my in box!”

Business e-mail is here to stay.  But take time to manage it … to do it right … to follow some e-mail etiquette … so it serves you … rather than you becoming a slave to it.

Action:

Pick out two of the nine rules of e-mail etiquette and start applying them to your e-mail today..

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

Follow me on Twitter for short bursts of brilliance just click here.

Reprint These Tips In Your Own Publication

I encourage you to reprint my “Tuesday Tips” in your own e-mail, online newsletters, or conventionally-printed publications. It’s free and legal … as long as proper credit is given.

All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.Bottom Line … Does it REALLY Work?

• How Many Ways Can You Say “Fabulous?”
• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  6 Leadership Skills That Earn The Respect Of Others
• Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z
• Need a Speaker or Seminar Leader To Make Your Meeting Memorable?
• Forwarding Policy

More than 50 years ago, Ted Williams was closing out his career with the Boston Red Sox, He was suffering from a pinched nerve in his neck that season.  “The thing was so bad,” he later explained, “that I could hardly turn my head to look at the pitcher.”

For the first time in his career, he batted under .300, hitting just .254 with 10 home runs.  He was the highest-salaried player in sports, making $125,000.  The next year, the Red Sox sent him the same contract. 

When he got the contract, Williams sent it back with a note saying that he would not sign it until they gave him a huge pay cut.  “I was always treated fairly by the Red Sox when it came to contracts,” Williams said.  “Now they were offering me a contract I didn’t deserve.  And I only wanted what I deserved.”

Williams cut his own salary by 25%, raised his batting average by 62 points, and closed out a brilliant career by hitting a home run in his final time at bat.

In my mind, Williams displayed tremendous character and inspiring leadership.  And over the years, I’ve observed many leaders from the battlefield to the boardroom, and all of them shared certain leadership skills that you can use to win the RESPECT of your team.

1.  Set an example.

In tough times, effective leaders take big steps to save their organizations.  However, they have to act on a smaller scale as well.

Though Stan Gault had retired as head of Rubbermaid, he came out of retirement to help Goodyear deal with the heavy debt it had incurred while fighting off a hostile takeover.  Gault first set aside his very large salary and linked his pay to Goodyear’s stock performance, sending the message that he was personally committed to making the company turn around.  Then he sent the same message in a different way.  Noticing the numerous lights in his spacious office, he unscrewed many of the bulbs to save money.  Reducing expenses, in both payroll and facilities, was necessary to deal with the debt and Gault set an example across the board. 

So ask yourself, “Does your leadership example earn the RESPECT of others … or does your leadership example arouse suspicion, instead?”

2.  Promote hope.

If a leader is enthusiastic and optimistic, it creates a ripple effect throughout the organization.  The team members almost automatically achieve more.  And if a leader is cynical and pessimistic, it ripples throughout the entire organization just as quickly and the team members become demoralized.

That’s why General Colin Powell says, “Be a strong advocate for hopeful thinking!  I’m talking about a gung-ho attitude that says, ‘We can change things here and make our business (and the world) a better place!”

To do that, when I’m coaching leaders, I tell them to communicate their vision to their team.  Share exciting news.  Celebrate their victories.  Smile.  Always look for the bright side of a situation.

So ask yourself, “Do your words and your actions inspire other people to be their very best, which, in turn, causes them to RESPECT your leadership qualities all the more?”

3.  Let your heart show.

This story is told about Woodrow Wilson when he was president.  Wilson was awakened at 4:00 a.m. by a call from an eager young man who informed him that the commissioner of highways had just died.  “I know he’ll be a hard man to replace, Mr. President,” the caller said, “but I thought I would be a good man to take his place.”

“It certainly is all right with me,” answered Wilson, “if it is all right with the undertaker.”

The eager office seeker certainly revealed his heart and his passion for advancement… which can be admirable.  But he wasn’t exactly using his head when he woke the President in the middle of the night and circumvented all proper protocol.

Great leaders typically have great minds.  They can take in a host of facts, and they can analyze a variety of scenarios.  But they must also let their hearts show if they’re going to connect with people.

It’s been one of the secrets of Benjamin Netanyahu’s leadership, who as the Prime Minister of Israel, has one of the most difficult jobs in the world.  In his words, “If I look back at all the decisions that I have made that counted for anything in my own life and in my position as Prime Minister, I have found that it is the heart that makes the best decisions.  In addition to logic and the calculation of costs and benefits, there is a computation of the heart, which I think is actually a more trustworthy guide.  At a certain point, you feel that something is right and you do it.”

So ask yourself, “Does your heart show?  Do your people feel like they know the real you, so they can RESPECT you and your leadership skills …and not just the position you hold?”

Powell often tells his audiences, “Effective leaders inspire and encourage their team members to learn new skills and grab new responsibilities … Remember, the stronger and smarter your team is, the smarter and stronger you are as a leader.” 

But some of you may protest.  You may say times are tough, and you can’t afford to keep on training and educating your team.  On January 19, 2009, “Fortune Magazine” addressed that issue.  They said, “Recessions end!  When this lousy stretch is over … will your company be more competitive or less?  The most successful companies NEVER stop funding … the continual development of employees.  Yet it is remarkable how many businesses cut training and development in a downturn. The best NEVER do.”

That’s why I unashamedly urge you to attend my June 21-22, 2012 “Journey to the Extraordinary” program in Denver.  It will be an investment in yourself, your teammates, your company, your customers, and your future.  To enroll yourself or some other teammates and to take advantage of some major discounts that are still available, to learn more about the “Journey,” click here!
Click here to save an extra $100

In addition to that, to keep your teammates growing and thriving, encourage cross-training, bring courses on site, and give them relevant books and articles to read.  Ask them to report back what they learned.  And then when your annual performance reviews roll around, don’t ask “How well did you perform your job?”  Ask instead, “How much have you changed?”

So ask yourself, “Do your teammates see you actively supporting their growth … so they can RESPECT the fact that you care about them, the whole person, and not just the job they perform?”

5.  Ask questions.

You know the old stereotype about men refusing to ask for directions.  We can all chuckle about that, but in the business world, if you don’t stop to ask for directions, you’ll sink — and bring the whole company down with you.

That’s just about what happened when a photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photographs of a great forest fire.  The smoke at the scene hampered him from getting close so he asked the home office to hire him a plane.  The arrangements were made and he was told to go to a nearby airport where his plane would be waiting. 

When he arrived at the airport, the plane was warming up near the runway.  He jumped on with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go.  Let’s go.” and his pilot swung the plane into the air. “Fly over to the north side,” yelled the photographer, “and make three or four low passes.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.  “Because I’m going to take pictures.” cried the photographer.  “I’m a photographer and photographers take pictures.”

After a pause, the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

All good leaders ask lots of questions.  They don’t presume to know everything.  That’s why I like the leadership style of Bill Moore, the CEO of TCMS and one of the great success stories in the Linc Service franchise system.  Moore tells his team, “I want to hear the good news fast and the bad news faster.” 

If you see a problem, ask questions until you find a solution.  If you don’t know how to do something, ask someone on your team.  If you want to understand your customer, ask questions!

So ask yourself, “Do you ask enough questions so people truly RESPECT your leadership skills and your quest for knowledge and understanding?  Or do they see you pretending to know it all, when in fact, you don’t?”

6.  Never be afraid to make people mad.

You’ve heard it before, but it’s worth repeating.  It’s more important to be respected than liked.  Indeed, when Lou Holtz, the great college football coach, and I were keynoting a large convention, Lou made an amazing declaration.  He said, “If you desperately need people to like you, you will never have their respect.”

In other words, as a leader, you will sometimes have to make tough decisions that not everyone will like.  You’ll need to prepare yourself for those moments by thinking through WHY you made the decision and HOW it will be the best for your team, your customers, and your company.

I suppose that’s why Dr. James Dobson called his book, “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards.”  It takes guts to look your kids in the face, say no, and stick to your no, when your kids are trying to beat you down.  It takes guts to let your kids not like you for a while as you hold firm on your decision as to what is best in the long run.

So ask yourself, “Are you able to make tough decisions … even unpopular decisions … because you know it’s the right thing to do … and because you know it will earn the RESPECT of others over time?”

Leadership is not about a title and it is not about a position.  Leadership is all about the leadership skills that earn the RESPECT .. and thereby the following … of others.  How are you doing in this area of your life?

Action:

Select two of the six leadership skills that earn the RESPECT of others to focus on.  Consciously spend some time on those two behaviors every day for the next 30 days.

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

Follow me on Twitter for short bursts of brilliance just click here.

Reprint These Tips In Your Own Publication

I encourage you to reprint my “Tuesday Tips” in your own e-mail, online newsletters, or conventionally-printed publications. It’s free and legal … as long as proper credit is given.

All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

• Dreams Become Reality … When You Know HOW To Do It
• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  Dealing With Ego-Inflated, Arrogant, Difficult People
• Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z
• Need a Speaker or Seminar Leader To Make Your Meeting Memorable?
• Forwarding Policy

You know all about the Oscars and the Emmys that are given out to the very best in the movie and television industry. It’s a really big deal … with the red carpet, the bright lights, the celebrities, and all the press on hand.

By contrast, you may have never heard about the CPAE or the “Council of Peers Award of Excellence.” It’s the Oscar or the Emmy in my world of professional speaking, and in the last 30 years, only a handful of people have ever received the CPAE…. including such notables as President Ronald Reagan, General Colin Powell, and author Ken Blanchard. It’s only given to a few people who have proven to be the very best in speaking.

Well, I was given the CPAE a while back. Of course, I was thrilled. I was proud of all the hard work I had put into my career over the years, but I was also humbled by the fact that such notable people had selected me for this honor.

Fortunately for me, my wife, and my customers, I never had a chance to let the CPAE go to my head. There was no time to wallow in ego, pride, or arrogance … because within 24 hours of receiving the award, I was at my next speaking engagement … which immediately knocked me off my high horse, if I ever had one.

The speaking engagement was out west, about a two-hour drive into the prairie from a small-town airport. When I arrived at the place I would stay, I discovered that the entire town consisted of one “Mom-and-Pop” motel and one bar. As I entered the motel, I noticed a sign on the door that read, “Take Off Your Muddy Boots” and then another sign that said, “Do Not Put Fish Guts In The Garbage Can”. There was no sign of the red carpet and bright lights ceremony I had just experienced the night before in New Orleans.

Nonetheless, I checked into the motel, happy to have found it and ready to get some rest. The desk clerk must have been alerted that I was coming because she greeted me with a cheerful, “Oh, you must be the big name speaker from out of town. We saved the Jacuzzi suite for you. You’re really going to like the room. You just can’t use the Jacuzzi unless you’re willing to pay an extra $30.”

I told her no, that I wouldn’t be using the Jacuzzi. I signed in, gave her my credit card information, and she pointed to another sign and said I had better pay attention to it. It read, “No noise after 11:00 PM allowed.” I assured her I would be so quiet she wouldn’t even know I was there.

The whole experience reminded me that it was okay to be proud of what I had accomplished. In fact, it’s even healthy. But it’s never the right time to go around with a big head filled with ego, a big heart filled with pride, and a big bravado filled with arrogance.

In fact, most of us dislike those kinds of difficult people and we spend countless hours wondering how to deal with those kinds of difficult people. After all, you cannot build a healthy work team or a healthy home relationship with people who are filled with ego, pride, and arrogance. They’re too in love with themselves to care about anybody else.

So let me suggest four things you can do so you never become one of “those” difficult people. And if you’re stuck working or living with one of “those” types, you might slip them a copy of this “Tuesday Tip.” Who knows? They might recognize themselves, wake up, and change.

1. Don’t ever think you know it all … because the fact is … you don’t.

Arrogant people think they know it all … or at least pretend they do. So they often want to start at the top. They want a position that recognizes their extra-special talent. But it’s not only stupid, it’s also counterproductive.

In their book “Gifted Hands,” Ben Carson and Cecil Murphey point that out. They write, “Opportunities are there, but we can’t start out as vice president. Even if we landed such a position, it wouldn’t do us any good because we wouldn’t know how to do our work. It’s better to start where we fit in, then work our way up.”

Of course, arrogant, difficult people don’t like to work their way up. They want to start at the top … which always irritated my grandfather. Even though he never made it past the 6th grade, he worked himself up to higher management. On one occasion, he was interviewing a group of recent college grads, but they were aghast when my grandfather told them the only job opening he had was for a janitor to sweep the floors.

One candidate replied rather haughtily, “You don’t understand. I AM a college graduate. I could never do that kind of work.” My grandfather very politely responded by saying, “Oh, please forgive me. I forgot. I’ll show you how.”

By contrast, the non-arrogant, non-difficult people are willing to start where they can fit in. They’re willing to listen and learn.

It’s a point made by Coach John Gagliardi, the most winning coach in college football history and the first active head coach to be inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame. When John and I were keynoting a convention together, he said, “One of the characteristics of the best football players is the fact that they’re all great listeners. They want to get your coaching. They want to know the right thing to do. So they listen. They don’t pretend they already know it all.”

So I offer this tip to all of you who may have an egotistical tendency. Be careful of moving from the Information Age to the BS Age. Remember, the person who gets too big for his britches will eventually get exposed in the end.

2. Don’t ever think you’re above hard work … because you aren’t.

I’m sure you know some people who are big on talk but short on action. They like to talk about all the things they’re GOING to do but never get around to DOING anything. Those are the difficult kinds of people who love books like “The Secret” because they seem to imply if you just think good thoughts you’ll get whatever you want.

Now don’t get me wrong. No one believes in the power of the mind more than me. It’s a strategy that I teach in great detail in my “Journey to the Extraordinary” program and the results are always exciting. That’s one reason you should join me in Denver on June 21-22, 2012.  To learn more about the “Journey,” click here! Click here to save an extra $100

Take Luella Cooper from the Social Security Administration, for example. After she came back from the “Journey,” she wrote to tell me, “One other very important thing that I learned at the ‘Journey’ is the use of positive affirmations. When I do my positive affirmations in the mirror each morning, I can feel the positive transformation of my spirit. Even more importantly, I have encouraged my grandson to do positive affirmations each morning before he goes to school. Dr. Zimmerman, instead of the teacher’s reports of disruptive behavior, most of the reports now just say ‘WOW’. The teacher says she doesn’t know what we’re doing but keep on doing it. I cannot describe in words how exciting it is to see that change in my 9-year-old grandson. It’s awesome to say the least.”

So, yes, change starts in the mind but finishes in your actions. That’s why author Waldo Waldman says, “The winners in life create the reality of their futures in their minds, but then take action to make it happen. They understand that W-I-N stands for ‘work it now,’ and realize the beautiful premise that in order to win, sometimes you just have to sweat and sacrifice, period!”

Difficult people, people with oversized egos, and people filled with arrogance forget the W-I-N part. They feel “entitled” to benefits … without working for them … or feel they’re just plain “lucky.”

I think the famous scientist Louis Pasteur had it more correct when he said, “Chance favors the prepared mind.”

Even worse, if the arrogant folks got everything they wanted without working, they wouldn’t enjoy it anyway. Ginger Rogers was right: “The only way to enjoy anything in this life is to earn it first.”

The truth is … to all you big-headed difficult people … you’re not lucky and you’re not above hard work. Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald’s, knows. He said, “Luck is a dividend of diligence. The harder you sweat … the luckier you get.”

3. Don’t ever think you’re better than others … because you’re not.

Arrogant people think they’re pretty hot or rather cool, however you want to phrase it. But they’re not as powerful as they want you to think they are. As humorist Will Rogers put it, “If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.”

The trouble is … arrogant people often think the rules don’t apply to them. They think they’re better than that. They think they can come into a job interview, looking sloppy, wearing chains, spouting tattoos, speaking slang, and wonder why they don’t get the job of their dreams or at least get hired.

It’s a lesson Michael Altshuler had to learn the hard way. His story, as told in Harvey McKay’s book, “We Got Fired! … And It’s The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Us,” describes Michael as having an arrogant attitude problem. Even though he was a born salesman, Altshuler constantly found himself at odds with his supervisor.

The manager put him on notice for dressing too casually and looking unprofessional. The headstrong Altshuler vowed to stand his ground. He would continue wearing the clothes he wanted to wear … professional or not … or quit.

He explained his predicament to his father, a veteran sales pro. The elder Altshuler suggested they talk things over at their favorite seafood hangout.

“Would you like lobster or a hot dog, son?” Altshuler’s father asked once they settled into their seats. The young man was confused. Why on earth would he order a hot dog when he could have lobster?

“If you’re going to quit your job and blame others, you will spend the rest of your life eating hot dogs. If you want to chow down on lobster, you will have to become accountable for your own actions.” answered his father.

That analogy helped the younger Altshuler realize the crucial role he played in his own success. Once he invested in a new wardrobe and an improved attitude, Altshuler began his steady path to success. And today he is an achievement coach that helps other people become their best.

Unfortunately, ego-driven, difficult people have a hard time recognizing their own faults and changing them. They get suckered by flattery rather than be guided by truth. They forget the creator of the “Dennis the Menace” cartoon strip, Hank Ketcham’s advice, . He said, “Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it, but don’t swallow it.”

A word to the arrogant ones. You need to remember the difference between prominence and significance. For example, your nose is prominent, but if you lose your nose, it’s not a big deal. But if you lose your liver, it’s significant. You die.

So arrogant, difficult people, your behaviors may make you prominent, but that’s a far cry from being significant.

4. Don’t ever make excuses for your performance … because you are responsible for what you do.

Coach Gagliardi knows that. After some 60+ years of coaching, he emphatically pronounced that the best players “never alibi.” They never blame and they never complain. They take responsibility for their own performance … while the arrogant ones, he said, are almost always “big complainers” and “lousy players.”

It comes down to telling the truth rather than stretching the truth. In fact, it may be a lesson that the infamous billionaire Warren Buffet is learning at this very moment. In his words, “It’s only when the tide goes out that you learn who’s been swimming naked.”

And maybe he is swimming a bit naked. While it may be true that he pays a lower tax rate than his secretary, it’s also true that he pays himself less than his secretary. So of course he pays a lower tax rate. He takes most of his millions in capital gains which is taxed at a lower rate than income taxes.

A final word to those affected by ego, pride, and arrogance. A final word to difficult people. Be very careful when you speak out. And be aware of those times when you should shut up. As Will Rogers put it, “After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” 

Action:

Do you have any of the four qualities of arrogant people?  If so, what are you going to do about it?

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

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  Doing The Right Thing Is The Only Thing That Works … In The Long Run
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The world is in desperate need of leaders filled with integrity.  And it doesn’t matter if you call it ethics in business or interpersonal relationships with your coworkers, customers, friends, and family members.  We are in desperate need of people who do the right thing. 

If you want to be a person of integrity, at home or on the job, I’ve found that you must do four things. 

1.  You’ve got to know what you stand for or you’ll fall for anything. 

One father did an especially good job of that … as reported in his story, “Brownies With A Difference.”  Unlike some parents who are hard pressed to explain to their children why some music, movies, books and magazines are not acceptable material for them to listen to or see, this father knew what he stood for.  And so he didn’t fall for the excuses most kids give their parents. 

His kids wanted to see a particular PG-13 movie.  As the kids argued, the movie had their favorite actors.  Everyone else was seeing it.  It only suggested  sex but never really showed it.  The language was pretty good, as there wasn’t too much cursing.  His teen-aged kids did admit there was a scene where a building and a bunch of people were blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff.  It wasn’t too bad.  And, even if there were a few bad things in the movie, the special effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. 

Even with all the justification the teens made for the PG-13 rating, the father still wouldn’t give in.  He didn’t even give his children a satisfactory explanation for saying, “No.”  He just said, “No!” 

A little later on that evening the father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had baked.  He explained that he’d taken the family’s favorite recipe and added a little something new.  The children asked what it was.  The father calmly replied that he had added dog po_p.  However, he assured them it was only a little bit.  All the other ingredients were gourmet quality, and he had taken great care to bake the brownies at the precise temperature for the exact time.  He was sure the brownies would be superb. 

Even with their father’s assurance, the teens would not take any.  The father acted surprised.  After all, it was only one small part that was causing them to be so stubborn.  He was certain they would hardly notice it.  Still the teens held firm and would not try the brownies. 

The father then told his children how the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies.  Our minds are fooled into believing that just a little bit of evil won’t matter.  But, the truth is even a little bit of po_p makes the difference between a great treat and something disgusting and totally unacceptable. 

The father went on to explain that even though the movie industry would have us believe that most of today’s movies are acceptable for adults and youth, they are not. 

Now, when the father’s children want to see something that is of questionable material, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special dog po_p brownies.  That closes the subject. 

The story begs the question:  “Do you know what you stand for?”  As I tell people in my program on “Take This Job and Love It!,” if you don’t know what you value, if you don’t what you cherish, if you don’t know what you really, Really, REALLY believe, your only other alternative is to settle for less.  And you’ll end up with questionable ethics, a lack of integrity, doing the wrong thing. 

(To read about my keynote and seminar click here!) 

The 19th century poet and essayist, Walter Savage Landor, had it right.  He said, “People, like nails, lose their effectiveness when they lose direction and begin to bend.” 

2.  You’ve got to do the right thing … and sometimes the hard thing … when you’re tempted to do 
     the easy and wrong thing. 

I learned a long time ago that following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.  

That’s why lying, deceit and cover ups are so prevalent.  It’s often easier to do that than act with integrity.  And it’s often easier to make excuses or blame someone else for your failures or lack of performance than say something like, “I made a mistake … I’m sorry … Please help me understand … or … I need to change the way I do things.” 

I think Bill Moore, the principal of the Temp Control Mechanical Service Corporation, is right on target when he says, “We empower our employees to make decisions by asking:

1) Is it good for the customer? 
2) Is it good for TCMS? 
3) Is it the right thing to do?” 

Of course, the person who lacks integrity may try to cop out and make you think he or she just didn’t know what was the right thing to do.  But 5000 years ago, an ancient author by the name of Micah said, “O people, the LORD has already told you what is good, and this is what he requires: to do what is right.” 

In other words, Micah was saying that your Higher Power (whatever that means to you) has given you an inner ability to know right from wrong.  And doing business ethically is simply a matter of adhering to a system of moral values.  Make it your practice to never do in private what you would not want revealed in public! 

3.  You’ve got to be honest even though it may be inconvenient. 

As Isaac Asimov noted, “I don’t subscribe to the thesis, ‘Let the buyer beware.’ I prefer the disregarded one that goes, ‘Let the seller be honest.’” 

That same kind of honesty is what helped John Wooden become one of the greatest basketball coaches of all time and develop some of the best players (and people) of all time.  Wooden knew there was a lot more to basketball than winning the game.  When he and I keynoted a program together a few years ago, he told the audience the same thing he told his players.  He said, “Be prepared and be honest … What you are as a person is far more important that what you are as a basketball player.” 

It’s impossible to claim that you live with integrity and have business ethics … if you’re dishonest. And it’s impossible to earn the trust of others if you’re dishonest. 

Mark Thompson, the head of the H. A. Thompson & Sons in Bismarck, North Dakota, knows that.  As he puts it, “In a small town, the word-of-mouth can kill you.  So for 104 years, we have relied on absolute honesty and treating our customers like family.” 

And just in case you don’t believe me, try this little experiment.  Go around saying one thing and doing another, seek personal gain above shared gain, withhold information, lie, tell half-truths, or become closed-minded and see how many friends and allies you have.  You will not be seen as a person who is doing the right thing, and you will not find good and healthy people wanting to work with you or live with you. 

It’s one of the reasons I get so upset with almost all of our politicians.  Instead of adhering to the doctrine of honesty at all times, they’ll say just about anything to get elected.  Ronald Reagan got it right when he said, “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” 

4. You’ve got to do what is right 24/7. 

In other words, business ethics or personal integrity is not a once-and-done proposition.  It’s a battle you face every moment of every day in every decision you make and every action you take. 

Kraig Haynes, the CEO of Haynes Mechanical Systems, teaches that to all of us his employees.  He says, “We’re constantly reminding every one of our employees that WE ARE dependent on our customers.  They are NOT dependent on us.  We NEED our customers … so we had better being doing the right thing for them 24/7, not just some of the time.” 

So the question is not how good you have become but how good you can be.  In fact, if you’re a person who is no longer anxious to do better, you’re done for.  Or as one person said, you serve people but you do not answer to them.  You answer to a Higher Power. 

The actor Robert Downey, Jr. has had to learn that lesson the hard way.  And he may still be learning.  But one rather insightful thing he said was, “I used to be so convinced that happiness was the goal, yet all those years chasing after it, I was unhappy in the pursuit.  Maybe the goal really should be a life that values honor, duty, good work, friends, and family.” 

The only thing I would change in Downey’s commentary is to remove the word “maybe.”  Our goal has to be a life that values honor and duty for sure. 

Action:

If your coworkers, customers, friends, and family members were to describe you, would their description include such words as “does the right thing, ethical, honest, and person of integrity?”

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

Follow me on Twitter for short bursts of brilliance just click here.

Reprint These Tips In Your Own Publication

I encourage you to reprint my “Tuesday Tips” in your own e-mail, online newsletters, or conventionally-printed publications. It’s free and legal … as long as proper credit is given.

All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time
professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

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