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  “Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do”
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• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  This is the way you need to handle challenges
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While in college, studying for my bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral degrees, I was determined to graduate with a straight A average … and almost did.  But one particularly difficult class in “Constitutional Law” stood in the way.  The professor was well known for seldom giving anyone an A in that class.

When the professor asked us to write a research paper, I was committed to making an A on that paper. And I spared no effort.  I clocked all-nighters.  I consulted hundreds of research articles.  And even though the professor only asked for a ten to twelve page paper, I turned in a twenty-page paper, complete with footnotes. 

You can imagine my shock and dismay when I got my paper back with an F on it. Not only did I not make an A, I did not make a B, C, or a D either.  There was an F in bold red print across the top.  I was crushed.  I didn’t know how I could have done any better.

Then I noticed a handwritten note on the bottom of the paper.  The professor had written, “Great scholarship, great detail, and great effort, but you answered the wrong question.”  All of my extraordinary work had been directed at the wrong thing. 

It wasn’t that I wasn’t sincere.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t working hard.  My failure was simply due to the fact that I focused on the WRONG thing. 

And in a very similar sense, some people struggle way too much when challenges come into their work life or personal life … because they take the WRONG approach. 

The truth is … you’re going to have lots of challenges, even problems and crises.  There’s no getting around that.  But there is a RIGHT way to approach those challenges.  And on Thursday, February 23rd, at 3:00 p.m. EST, I’ll be spending an hour with you on my tele-seminar called “Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do,” going into great depth, outlining the RIGHT way. 

Click here if you’d like to learn more about or register for the tele-seminar.  But just in case you can’t join me, here are a few tips to get you started.

1.  Decide that quitting is not an option.

Personally, I hate it when the media describe some actor, singer, or athlete as an “overnight success.”  I hate it because … at worst it’s a lie … and at best it’s very misleading.  I’ve learned that it takes years of “refusing to quit” to become an “overnight success.”

Actor Christopher Reeve achieved superstar status and then had an equestrian accident in 1994 that paralyzed him.  Talk about a devastating challenge.  And talk about wanting to quit.  But he didn’t.  He went on to dedicate the rest of his life to promoting research on spinal cord injuries … and became a bigger superstar than he ever was in the movies.

Was it easy?  Of course not.  When he was asked if he ever felt like quitting, Reeve answered, “I don’t think there is anybody who’s ever achieved anything who doesn’t say sometimes, ‘This is too hard.’  Backwards thinking leads to a place of negativity.  That’s not where I want to dwell.”

If you decide not to quit, you will automatically be ahead of most people dealing with similar challenges.  As three-time Olympian Ruben Gonzalez says,  “When you decide quitting is not an option, you will soon be in the top 10 percent of your field.  Odds are, ninety percent of your competition will simply give up!”

2.  Remember … if others have overcome challenges, so can you. 

You are not alone, even though you might feel like you’re the only one who has had to deal with your kind of boss, with your kind of financial difficulties, with your kind of rebellious teen, or with your kind of demanding customers.  Remember lots of other people have gone through the same things and have survived.

It’s what turned John Walsh around. When his six-year-old son was abducted, there was no system for tracking information or leads on missing children.  Walsh said, “After the abduction and murder of my child, I was very angry and bitter for a long time.” 

What helped him get beyond that was to realize he was not alone. He now advises, “No matter what difficult situation you may find yourself in, take solace in knowing that thousands of people have survived tragic circumstances.”

If you forget this simple point, you could get stuck in self-pity, and that will never help you get through your challenges.  That’s why I tell the people in my “Journey to the Extraordinary” program, “If you must cry over spilled milk, please try to condense it.” Click here to learn all about it or sign up.

3.  Fight back.

In other words, don’t take your crises, problems, and challenges sitting down.  Don’t succumb to some self-defeating thought such as “that’s life” or “whatever will be will be.”  No!  Fight back to make things better.

That’s exactly what John Walsh did.  With all of his hurt and anger over the murder of his child, he said, “I tried to channel that anger into something positive because it can both take you down and destroy you or you can try to use it to change things for the better.  Adam was the real victim.  I just needed to make sure he didn’t die in vain.”

And Adam didn’t die in vain.  With Walsh’s efforts, he created the “America’s Most Wanted” TV show and helped Congress pass the Missing Children’s Assistance Act in 1984.

Take Walsh’s advice.  He claims, “If you can do it with dignity and integrity, you can fight back and go on.  Life is a journey of incredible highs and incredible lows.  No matter what happens to you, you can survive.  It’s all about fighting back.”

4.  Fight with a positive attitude.

But you ask, “How can I keep a positive attitude when times are really tough?”  It all comes down to choice … a choice YOU make. 

After his accident people wondered how Christopher Reeve maintained a positive attitude.  He answered, “I believe you have two choices in life.  One is to look forward and the other is look backward.  To look backward gets you nowhere.”

Don’t miss his key point … looking forward.  Business advisor Allan Cox reinforces that point.  He says, “Achievers have an attitude of expectancy.  They minimize their losses.  They do not grieve over failures or what might have been. Achievers look around the corner in anticipation of the good things that still await them.”

In other words, you keep a positive attitude by thinking more about the future than the past.  Or in Arthur Bryan’s words, “Live out your imagination, not your history.”

I’ve found one of the best ways to do that is to give myself a pep talk.  Ruben Gonzalez agrees.  He says, “It’s easy to get down when things aren’t going your way.  After a bad luge run, sometimes I walk up and down the track for 20 minutes, saying: ‘I can do it!  I will make it, because there’s always a way!’  When you get down, pick yourself up and give yourself a pep talk.”

5.  Give trying the respect it deserves.

You’ve probably heard some version of the saying, “Do or do not do; there is no try,” which is most often attributed to the Star Wars character Yoda.  And it tends to imply there’s something wrong with “trying.”

Well, yes and no.  If the quote is used to motivate an employee to do whatever it takes to succeed, if the quote is used to get an employee past a whiny “I’ll try” response, it may be quite appropriate.  But there are other times that “trying” should be encouraged and respected.  “Trying” may be an excellent way to learn what works and doesn’t work when it comes to getting through your challenges.

For example, the manager of a retail store may encourage a struggling salesperson to try out several ways of approaching customers as they enter the store.  The clerk might walk up to the customer, look her in the eye, and offer help.  Alternatively, the clerk might make eye contact, say “Hi” in a friendly way, and tell the customer to let him know if she needs any help.  The salesperson is bound to learn what works better by “trying” a few different approaches.

So if you’re dealing with a challenge, don’t put yourself down because you don’t know exactly what to do.  Try a few different things.

6.  Avoid the blame game.

Sometimes you have work challenges or personal problems that you caused.  Take responsibility for your screw-up and then do the five things listed above to get past your situation.  But do not wallow in self-degradation. 

Other times you have to deal with difficulties you did not cause or difficulties over which you have no control.  If you blame yourself for those situations, you cannot get better. 

It’s like the children who blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, or the person who blames himself for his friend’s suicide attempt, or the coworker who blames herself for her alcoholic coworker’s job loss.  All those people tend to think, “If only I had been more supportive … loving … helpful … or … aware … this wouldn’t have happened.”

While it’s true we’re quite interdependent as human beings, that is not the same thing as assuming responsibility for another person’s actions.  You must be an influence for good wherever you can … without blaming yourself for the troubles of other people … or asking them to take responsibility for yours.

7.  Tackle your troubles WITH somebody else … if possible.

After Reeve had his accident, after he became paralyzed, he started speaking at success seminars and continued to speak at them until his death in 2004.

Of course, his audiences wanted to know how he defined success, now that he was no longer a movie star and no longer able to move.  His definition had nothing to do with fame or fortune.  It all came down to relationships.  He said, “I think it really means letting the relationships in your life grow and transcend into the highest levels they possibly can. It also means not putting yourself first in life and remembering that the more you give away, the more you have.”

In other words, his accident helped him realize the critical importance of relationships, and those relationships helped him move through his challenges.

I totally agree with him.  On the second day of my “Journey to the Extraordinary” program, which is focused on building more effective relationships on and off the job, I tell the people, “If you think relationships are a lot of work, trying doing everything all by yourself.”  So tackle your troubles WITH somebody else … if possible. Click here to learn all about it or sign up.

And finally, in your efforts to get past your challenges, there’s one sure way to know that you’re making progress.  And that is …

8.  Move on to a new problem.

If you keep dealing with the same problems with your boss, coworker, customer, spouse, kid, or friend, week after week or even year after year, you haven’t learned much about the process of mastering and overcoming challenges.  John Foster Dulles, one of the most distinguished statesmen of the 20th century, put it very insightfully, “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.” 

The point is … every time you get through a challenge, do more than say, “I’m glad that’s over with … Thank heavens … or … Good riddance.”  Take a few minutes to sit down and think about what you learned.  In fact write down your learning in a journal so you don’t have to learn the same lesson twice. 

Follow Karen Post’s example.  As the founder of the online Oddpodz community, she advises, “My universal recommendation on facing challenges is simple:  Learn from them and shake them off quickly.”

Action:

Do more than read this “Tuesday Tip.”  Select 3 of the 8 strategies that you really are going to remember and use.

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

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Reprint These Tips In Your Own Publication

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All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time
professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com. 

You want to be successful.  Of course you do.  Everybody does.  The good news is you don’t have to start journey to success from scratch.  You can learn what to do and not to do by spending a few minutes meditating on the priceless lessons of those who have preceded you. 

So I urge you … please, please, please refrain from ignorance.  Refrain from having to learn the hard way.  Forget about having to learn everything through trial and error.  It’s too painful and too time consuming. 

Instead, I urge you to learn from O.P.E. or “Other People’s Experience”  … becasue they already know what it takes to be successful on and off the job.  And one of the best lists I’ve ever come across on so-called quick tips for success includes the following things you need to be aware of, you need to do, and you need to avoid.

• The most destructive habit …………………………. Worry
• The greatest joy …………………………………………. Giving
• The greatest loss ………………………………………… Loss of self-respect
• The most satisfying work ……………………………. Helping others
• The ugliest personality trait ………………………… Selfishness
• The most endangered species ……………………… Dedicated leaders
• Our greatest natural resource ……………………… Our youth
• The greatest “shot in the arm” …………………….. Encouragment
• The greatest problem to overcome ………………. Fear
• The most effective sleeping pill …………………… Peace of mind
• The most crippling disease …………………………. Excuses
• The most powerful force in life ……………………. Love
• The most widespread killer ………………………… A gossiper
• The world’s most incredible computer ………… The human brain
• The worst thing to be without …………………….. Hope
• The deadliest weapon ………………………………… The tongue
• The two most power-filled words ………………… I Can
• The greatest asset ………………………………………. Faith
• The most worthless emotion ………………………. Self-pity
• The most beautiful attire ……………………………. A smile
• The most prized possession ……………………….. Integrity
• The most powerful communication …………….. Prayer
• The most contagious spirit …………………………. Enthusiasm

Remember to do these good things … and  refrain from the bad things … and you will succeed.

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• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  4 ways to turn every relationship into a lasting Valentine
  
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Happy Valentine’s Day!  Across the world, people are remembering the special ones in their lives.  And that’s wonderful. 

But Valentine’s Day should encompass a great deal more than a once-a-year REMEMBRANCE.  It should serve as a REMINDER that everyone needs to be doing those things that build better relationships at home and on the job … each and every day.  

And truth be told … many of the things that build great personal friendships are the same things that build great working relationships.  That’s why I’m asked to present my program on “The Partnership Payoff: 7 Keys To Better Relationships And Greater Teamwork” to so many organizations.  

Click here to check it out. 

But one caution. No matter how good your people skills might be, you’re always going to have some people difficulties.   As journalist Barbara Grizzuti Harrison (1934-2002) noted, “Kindness and intelligence don’t always deliver us from the pitfalls and traps:  There are always failures of love, of will, of imagination.  There is no way to take the danger out of human relationships.” 

Nonetheless, with thousands of clients and years of research, I’ve learned that you can prevent most people problems and resolve the rest of them … if you start with these keys. 

1.  Make time for people, even if you don’t have the time. 

Face it.  We’re all busy, and many of us overwhelmingly busy.  So it’s easy to see our customers as an interruption of our work rather than the reason we work.  It’s easy to see our coworkers as time suckers rather than team members. And it’s easy to see our family members as another demand we have to meet rather than a privilege we get to hold. 

If you’re laboring under the myth that you’ll get to all these people when you get all caught up in your work, get over it.  It’s never going to happen.  You’re never going to be all caught up, and you’re never going to have enough time to fit in everyone and everything. 

If someone is important to you, you simply have to MAKE time for them, even if you don’t have time.  

I had to learn that lesson the hard way.  When my daughter was small, I can remember her saying hundreds, maybe thousands of time, “Dad, Dad,” to which I would respond “Later … I’m busy … Not now … or … Wait.”  Then one day she stopped asking for my attention.  Our contact and conversations became few and far between, and it took me several years to repair the damage I had caused by not MAKING time for her. 

Interestingly enough, I can remember her saying “Dad, Dad” all those times, but I can’t remember one single thing I was working on that was supposedly so much more important than paying attention to her.  So make time for the people that are important to you on the job and at home.  It will pay off. 

A few weeks ago I had a chance to practice that very skill.  I was speaking in Edinburgh, Scotland, but made plane reservations to fly back to the States a day later than normal, even though I had a heavy speaking schedule waiting for me.  I decided to look up and spend some time with my first boss, Celia Jackson. 

When I was 18, I lived and worked in England, working as a waiter at a very upscale resort.  And coming from a poor blue collar family, I felt immediately lost when I was introduced to the glamorous dining room, filled with chandeliers, tapestries, and 12 pieces of flatware at every seating.  I had never seen such elegance.  But Celia took me under her wing, teaching me how to serve our customers, and she took me under her counsel, showing me how to cope when I felt insecure or homesick.  In a sense, she was a great deal more than a boss.  She was a coach, mentor, teacher, leader, and friend who impacted the rest of my life. 

Over the decades since our work together, Celia and I have kept a correspondence.  I’ve gone to see her 3 or 4 times when I’ve been speaking in the United Kingdom, but now that she is in her late 80′s, I knew I had to MAKE the time to see her again.  We had a wonderful visit, and as I left, I was reminded of how critically important relationships are.  But they can only happen if you MAKE time for them. 

And when you do that… 

2.  Speak words of encouragement. 

As John Milne says, “The language of encouragement … makes schools and workplaces, families and businesses hum.”  After all, encouragement gives the other person a sense of wellbeing, because it says, “I believe in you, your potential, your ability, and your accomplishments.”  As Milne says, “It makes their spirits sing.” 

The good news is … there is almost always a way to give someone some genuine, heartfelt encouragement. 

Try these techniques.   

• Give a compliment.
  It could be as easy as telling somebody, “You look … are … give … or … make” and fill in your own sincere and positive words.  Retired Navy Lieutenant Commander Chip Lutz even gives out a list of compliments you can use, including such statements as, “You’re the best … You’re fantastic … You rock …You are spectacular … You are incredible … You are terrific … You are a team player … You make me look good … You are fun to work with … You’re doing a super job … You’re a pro … You made my day … You’re a joy to work with … You’re right on target … You’re a real trooper … Way to go … I couldn’t have done it without you … I’m impressed … Superb … Magnificent … and … Marvelous.” 
• Say thanks.
  As Dr. William James, the father of American psychology, observed, “The deepest craving in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”  So don’t ever forget to express your thanks and appreciation.  You could say something as simple as “Thanks” or “I appreciate you!” and “I appreciate your work!”  And if you really want to make your encouragement unforgettable, send a handwritten note, signed by you, in a handwritten envelope, with a real stamp (instead of a metered one).  Don’t worry about your crummy handwriting; it’s the personal touch that counts.  You might visit www.photostamps.com to learn how you can put your picture on a stamp to make your note of thanks even more memorable. 
• Praise an action.
  Tell the other person what you admired in his action.  Tell him why his action was so helpful.  Start out by describing exactly what he did that has earned your praise, and then finish your comments by saying something a bit more general like, “Remarkable job … You are so creative … Great job … or … Exceptional performance!” 
• Express your belief in the other person.
  Your coworkers and your family members want and need to know that you believe in them.  So don’t ever fall for the stupid notion that says, “If I don’t say anything, you can assume everything is okay.”  No, no, no!  People do not interpret your silence or lack of feedback as encouragement.  They see it as disinterest.  You’ve got to tell your people, if it’s true, such things as, “I have faith in you … I believe in you … I think you’re the best one to handle this situation … I know you can do it … You’re on top of things … or … No one holds a candle to you!” 
• Let the other person know his work is valued. 
  Everybody wants to feel like a somebody.  And if another person is ever going to feel that way, she’s got to know that her work is valued.  So tell the other person what her work means to your company, your organization, your department, your school, or your family.  Say things like, “Your contribution is critical … You are an important member of the team … and … Outstanding!”  
• Solicit the other person’s ideas.
  When you seek out the other person’s ideas and opinions, you’re saying she has things to say that are worthy of consideration.  It’s very encouraging.  And it’s highly validating.  So ask her what she thinks and tell her “That’s a great idea … or … Good thinking!”
  
• Recognize the other person’s challenges. 
  Nobody wants to feel like that old gospel song that cries out, “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen.”  Nobody wants to feel alone and misunderstood.  Just the opposite.  People need to know that you understand the difficulties they’re facing.  And when you verbalize your understanding of their challenges, they feel relieved as well as encouraged.
  
• Of course, one of the best ways to learn about building stronger, more effective relationships is to attend my …Journey to the Extraordinary” program, coming to Denver on June 21-22 and coming to Chicago on October 25-26.  After Rosemary Larry, a Senior Staff Consultant from Verizon, attended, she wrote:  “Without a doubt, I got three major benefits from attending the Journey: 

1. I now know how to get other people to do what I want without manipulation,
2. I changed my attitude toward certain working relationships that I have, 
3. and I learned how to project a positive attitude in my work environment.” 

That’s major stuff.  I encourage you to register for one of my 2012 Journeys.  And if you do so soon, you may qualify for the Early Bird Special and even the Early-Early Bird Special where you can save $200 to $300 off your registration fee. 

To register just click here. 

If you want to learn more about this incredible program, click here.

3.  Create a sense of safety, security and trust. 

In other words, whatever you do, personally or professionally, the other person knows that you always have his or her best interests in mind.  That point was driven home to me last week when I keynoted a conference for the Sales Stars at American Federal Bank.  I spoke about the Purpose, Passion, and Process that turns ordinary people into extraordinary Stars and what they have to do to maintain their Star status. 

Then Lon Gulberg, a financial advisor and personal banker in the group, pulled me aside to share his story … to tell me how he began working with a couple about 10 years who had recently retired.  They wanted help in managing their finances so they could truly enjoy their retirement, which included lots of travel to their many children and grandchildren across the country.  So Lon spoke to the couple on many occasions, talking about a wide range of topics, many of which did not include financial planning.  He just plain liked the couple and wanted to be their friend as well as their advisor. 

Some time later, the husband was diagnosed with cancer, and the couple’s retirement plans changed quickly.  The husband went through months of treatments, some that worked and some that didn’t, until he eventually lost his battle with cancer.  A few days after the funeral, Lon met with the wife to discuss the financial status of their accounts, and in his words, “The conversation I had with her was one that I will never forget.” 

The wife explained that a few days before her husband passed away, she told him she was scared.  She had never involved herself in the financial matters of the family and didn’t know if she could handle those things. Her ailing husband took her by the hand and said, “Everything is in place for you.  You don’t have to worry about the finances. The only thing you need to do is call Lon; he’ll take care of everything.  And it will be done in the best interest of you and our family.” 

Obviously, Lon had given that couple a Valentine’s gift that lasted a lifetime … a relationship they could trust … a relationship that gave them a sense of safety and security.  And they gave him a Valentine’s gift in return. 

As Lon told me, “That husband’s comment and that wife’s sense of peace have deeply impacted my life.  Their feedback continues to fuel my positive attitude and drive my passion to help people everyday.” 

Finally, in the process of building quality relationships on and off the job, 

4.  Stick with the other person. 

It’s one of the surest signs of a quality relationship.  As Dr. Phil McGraw puts it, “The true friend is the one that’s coming in the door while everyone else is going out.” 

You see … everybody faces challenges, and it means a great deal if somebody else is there to help you go through those challenges.  That’s why “I’ll go with you” or “You are not alone” are amongst the most powerful sentences you can ever speak.  Or at work, you might tell somebody “I’d like to partner with you on that.”  It almost always gives the other person an instant energy boost.  

One of my clients, Tastefully Simple, has been extremely effective in “sticking with” their consultants as they build their businesses.  That’s because it’s a value that is practiced and preached by their President, Jill Blashack Strahan. 

Jill wrote me, saying, “Alan, I want to share with you this letter that I emailed to eight of my best friends: ‘Zach (my 16-year-old son) was watching a movie in the great room a few minutes ago, and I heard something that made me nearly sob out loud.  A young woman was told she had an infection and only had 24 hours to live. When the doctor asked her if she had any friends he could call for her, she said, I wouldn’t call my friends to help me move. I sure wouldn’t call them to watch me die.’” 

Jill continued her letter to eight of her best friends by writing, “I’m always grateful to have all of you as friends. I needed a good heart jolt, though, to remind me of how few people are blessed with the intense depth of our love and friendship. We would not only be by one another’s death bed, we would nearly follow each other all the way to heaven.” 

Jill finished by writing, “Thank you, God, for my friends. I would call them to be by my side to help me die. I love you all.” 

That’s what I call a “wow-kind-of-relationship.”  And if you’re willing to stick with people, you’re likely to have them in your life at home and on the job.  As Milne notes, “Being there for a colleague, friend or family member in their time of need, is the language of encouragement without words.” 

Action:

What are you doing to maintain and/or build the trust in your relationships? What else do you need to do?

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

Follow me on Twitter for short bursts of brilliance just click here.

Reprint These Tips In Your Own Publication

I encourage you to reprint my “Tuesday Tips” in your own e-mail, online newsletters, or conventionally-printed publications. It’s free and legal … as long as proper credit is given.

All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time
professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

• Register for 2012 Dates for the “Journey to the Extraordinary”
  
• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  How to overcome the trust deficit
• Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

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For an organization to have staying power, it must be built on trust.  For a business to be profitable, it must have the trust of its customers.  And for a relationship to have any degree of quality, it must be filled with trust.

As I often tell my audiences, “Trust is a must or the relationship will bust.”

Unfortunately,

1.  We are suffering from a trust deficit.

Indeed, we have a trust deficit in this country as big if not bigger than the federal deficit.  Almost everybody is wondering who they can trust.

You see it in RELATIONSHIPS … where cynicism has overtaken faith.  Many people feel like singer Rod Stewart quipped, “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”

You see it in the MEDIA … where biased advocacy has replaced unbiased reporting.  As Alvin Toffler, the author of “Future Shock,” wrote, “We are increasing the sophistication of deception faster than the technology of verification.  The consequence of that is the end of truth.  The dark side of the information technology explosion is that it will breed a population that believes nothing, and perhaps even more dangerous, a population ready to believe only one ‘truth’ fanatically and willing to kill for it.”

And you see the trust deficit in POLITICS … where the occasional stupidity of some politicians has gotten more attention than the good things they have accomplished.  You simply expect the talk shows to be filled with jokes about politicians.  As Groucho Marx put it, “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.”

More recently, Jay Leno noted, “Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence … and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser.”

David Letterman asked, “How about Mitt Romney? Now there’s a guy who looks like you would see his picture on a package of men’s briefs.”

And humorist P. J. O’Rourke said, “The Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller, and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then get elected and prove it.”

The point is simple.  If we’re going to have organizations and relationships that work, we’ve got to be in the business of trust building.  As Dr. Manny Steil, the author of “Listening Leaders,” says, “The challenge of establishing trusting relationships takes time, for trust does not sprout quickly or automatically last forever.  Rather it emerges over time and requires careful ongoing attention.”

He’s right.  Trust “requires careful ongoing attention.”  I’ve found the following elements to be critical in that process.

2.  Be open.

Tell it the way you see it.  Share the way you feel.  Refrain from being secretive or coy.  Let people know you … because it’s very difficult to trust an unknown commodity.

It’s a lesson that Rusty had to learn the hard way.  As his friend Mike Hanson from Rapid City, South Dakota described it, they were at a dance one night … during which Rusty struck up a conversation with an attractive young woman.  Soon afterwards, Rusty came over to Mike with a big smile on his face and a scrap of paper in his hand. 

“She works for the phone company, and I think she likes me because she gave me her number.” Rusty beamed.  Then he unfolded the paper.  It read “Dial 0.”

She wasn’t open … which was her choice, of course.  But a lack of openness will always destroy trust … if that is what you are trying to establish.

By contrast, Jack Benny demonstrated his willingness to be seriously open despite the fact he was a well-known comedian.  He did that when he was invited to perform at the White House. 

When he arrived at the White House gate with his violin case under his arm, a burly guard blocked his way and tersely asked what was in the case.  “A machine gun,” Benny replied.  The guard said, “Oh that’s fine, Mr. Benny.  Go right in.  For a moment there I was afraid it was your violin.”

Quick to respond, Benny said, “I’m not going to play the violin, I promise.  But I’m gong to talk about some things that may be equally unpleasant.”

If you’re going to build trust, you’ve got to be open.  That’s why my book on “Brave Questions:  Building Stronger Relationships By Asking All The Right Questions” continues to be so popular and why it’s going into it’s fifth printing. 

Author and certified personal trainer Jimi Varner says: “Dr. Zimmerman, around 4 months ago, I purchased your incredible, thought-provoking book on ‘BRAVE QUESTIONS,’ and have seen the miraculous effects it’s had ON my relationship with my fiance.  Although practical and simple, we have found it extremely beneficial to all of our relationships and highly recommend it to anybody in need of urgent or not-yet-so urgent relationship repair!”

Beyond openness, you must…

3.  Be honest.

The fact is … dishonesty and trust cannot co-exist.  You’ve got to be honest … even if it hurts you once in a while. 

One employee should have known better when she received an unusually large pay check one day.  But she decided not to say anything about it.  The following week her check was less than the normal amount; so she confronted her boss about it.

Her supervisor asked, “How come you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”  Unruffled the employee replied, “Well I can overlook one mistake — but two in a row?”

The employee’s lack of candor did nothing but hurt their working relationship.  After all, as author and columnist Peggy Noonan observed, “Candor is a compliment; it implies equality.  It’s how true friends talk.”

One caution:  Some people think that they’ve found a real friend or a true ally if another person will lie for them … occasionally … when needed.  I don’t buy it.  I say, “People who will lie for you will lie to you.”  They can’t be trusted.

4.  Be competent.

You probably know people who have the previous two qualities; they’re open and honest.  But you still can’t trust them because they’re incompetent.

I see it all too often when I’m speaking in organizations.  Many people are promoted to a position of leadership because of their technical competence, but they may not be interpersonally competent.  And then everyone suffers as a result.

To inspire trust and confidence in people, a leader must have a degree of competence in both areas. If the leader doesn’t have that, if the leader is incompetent, he takes the focus off the organization’s vision and values and places it on to his own behavior.  If the people working for an incompetent leader have a high degree of skill, they’re continually worrying about their leader messing things up.  And if the employees don’t have much experience, they won’t know what to do. 

Either way, productivity and morale suffer when people can’t be trusted.

5.  Be concerned about the other person’s welfare.

To have someone trust you, they need to know that you have a genuine interest in their interests.  Indeed, the best salespeople do it all the time.  They get to know their customers and prospects.  They learn about their customers’ and prospects’ likes and dislikes, goals, dreams, pet peeves, hobbies, and hot buttons. 

One of my friends demonstrated that when she called her father from the Lowe’s Motor Speedway in Charlotte.  In amazement, he asked her what she was doing at the race track.

She replied, “As you know, Dad, as a sales manager most of my customers are home builders.  Every time we’re together, all they seem to talk about is NASCAR racing.  If I’m going to have a chance of beating out my competitors in this market, I’m going to have to be able to participate in conversations that include NASCAR.   That’s why I’m here.”

Her interest in her customers’ interests made her a trusted vendor … much more so than any other salesperson who just walked in the door to get the sale.  She learned about their interests and was able to talk to them about those things.

But she also gave her customers the listening they needed.  One of the surest ways to build trust and make someone feel important is to listen … really listen to them.  And by contrast, the refusal to listen to someone is just about the surest way of making them feel unimportant and unwilling to trust you.

One little listening tip here.  When the other person asks you a question, in addition to listening carefully to what he/she has to say, pause before you answer them.  This gives them the impression you have thought about what they said and it was worthy of thinking over.

6.  Display good judgment.

You may know someone who does all of the above.  They are open, honest, competent, and concerned, but you still don’t trust them … because they display poor judgment.  It doesn’t mean that they are necessarily bad people, but you simply cannot trust the judgments they make.  They seem to lack the wisdom or common sense that makes it possible to trust them in certain areas or with certain tasks. 

So yes, you have to be discerning with whom you trust with what.

Such was the case with little Maggie.  When her mother became sick with the flu and had to stay in bed, Maggie wanted to be a good nurse.  She fluffed the pillows and brought a magazine to her mother to read.  And then she even showed up with a surprise cup of tea.

“Why, you’re such a sweetheart,” the mother said as she drank the tea.  “I didn’t know you even knew how to make tea.”

“Oh yes,” the little girl replied.  “I learned by watching you.  I put the tea leaves in the teapot, and then I put in the water.  I boiled it and then I strained it into a cup.  But I couldn’t find a strainer, so I used the fly swatter instead.”

“You what?” the mother screamed.  The little girl said, “Oh, don’t worry, Mom.  I didn’t use the new fly swatter.  I used the old one!”

Obviously she had good intentions but poor judgment. 

Follow points 2 through 6.  You will build trust and you will be trusted.  In fact, you will build relationships that have tremendous staying power. 

Edward Reede from U.S. Army told me about that when I was speaking at his military base.  He said, “I grew up near Amish farmers.  They were loyal to a fault to their seed and fertilizer suppliers.  I even knew one elderly man, who had retired from his seed trade twenty years earlier, but had to place orders for his Amish neighbors each Spring because of the special trust he developed with them.  The Amish wouldn’t go to anyone else.”

Action:

What are you doing to maintain and/or build the trust in your relationships?  What else do you need to do?

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

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professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

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  How to turn change from resistance into resiliency
  
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PREMISE #1:  CHANGE IS NECESSARY. 

In my program called “The Change Payoff:  How to Turn Resistance Into Resilience and Results,” I’m often known for saying, “All progress is the result of change, but not all change is progress.”  Some change is poorly conceived, ineffectively managed, and/or insanely implemented. 

(Click here to read an outline of the program.) 

Nonetheless, I am a firm believer in 18th-century physicist and philosopher George Chistoph Lictenberg’s point of view.  He noted, “I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better.” 

Despite the necessity of change… 

PREMISE #2:  THERE WILL ALWAYS BE RESISTANCE TO CHANGE. 

As a 20th-century satirical novelist, Douglas Adams wrote about that in “The Salmon of Doubt.”  He wrote, “I’ve come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to changing technologies: 

1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. 
3. Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.” 

I’m not sure how true that is, but I’ve heard from so many of my clients that there is a distinct division between their long-term, seasoned employees and their younger, more recently hired employees.  The older ones tend to fight organizational changes a bit more vigorously while the younger ones tend to accept the changes as “that’s just the way things are around here.”  

If you’re about to implement some changes in your organization (as a leader) or if you’re going to be forced to change (as an employee), you’re going to have some resistance.  And why not?  No matter how good or necessary a change might be, you’re always going to lose something … such as the work you do, the way you used to do things, the people with whom you worked, and a number of other things that “just seemed to work.”  So it’s only natural to expect people to fight or resist those changes. 

More specifically, you will find people resisting changes in one of four ways. Take a look to see which ones are active in your organization. 

• COMFORT RESISTANCE:  Some people cling desperately to the past … because it’s familiar.  They prefer their comfortable routines to the chilling thought of having to move to the unknown.  As someone said, “No organization is so screwed up that somebody doesn’t like it as it is.”  Change always means giving up something, and the greater the personal sacrifice the more people feel like dragging their feet.
  
• CONTROL RESISTANCE:  Another reason why people defend the old way of doing things is to maintain their personal stability or to feel like they’re more in control.  They battle against change because they fear the future, not because they love the past.  After all, if uncertainty and ambiguity eat on your nerves, you can’t get very pumped up about “change” and “progress”.  And the more you dislike unpredictability, the more likely you are to protect the status quo.
  
• REVENGE RESISTANCE:  A third group of people resist change as a way of getting even.  They try to punish the organization in retaliation for changes they don’t like.  And the weird thing is … some people are willing to hurt themselves or their careers just to get back at the organization.
  
• WELL-INTENTIONED RESISTANCE:  Some change resisters are well-intentioned people.  They see their organization about to about to make a mistake, and they have the courage to try and stop it.  While every organization needs these kinds of people, all too often these resisters don’t know the whole story or can’t see the big picture. So even if they have good intentions, they’re often wrong and end up shooting the organization in the foot.

PREMISE #3: YOU CAN RESPOND TO ORGANIZATIONAL RESISTANCE EFFECTIVELY. 

Some organizations ride the winds of change, sail through the resistance they encounter, and seize whatever opportunities they can to move ahead of the competition.  Other organizations mistakenly think their safety comes in bracing against the winds of change and the forces of resistance.  But their rigidity often becomes a fatal stance.  They will be shattered.  Devastated.  As for those that think they can lie low until the storm passes, they will be left behind. 

Quite simply, the leaders and organizations that know how to respond to resistance are those that not only survive but thrive … in good times and bad. I teach them to use the following strategies. 

• SHOW THE COMFORT RESISTERS “A BETTER WAY”:  All too often, “comfort” people interpret change as your way of telling them what they did in the past was “bad” or “wrong.”  Not at all.  The way they did things in the past may have been the very best way of doing things. But the world changed. And to stay competitive, we have to change.   Endocrinologist Henry R. Harrower gets right to the point, “It is always safe to assume, not that the old way is wrong, but that there may be a better way.”  

  On a personal level, when I talk to “comfort” resisters, I say, “Look, here’s the bottom line.  When the winds of change hit your organization, resisting does more harm than good. You could get nailed for being negative, as someone who’s causing trouble, and always getting in the way of progress.  That will damage your career.” I challenge them:  “Instead of trying to hang on to the past, grab hold of the future.”

• LET CONTROL RESISTERS KNOW THEY STILL HAVE SOME CONTROL:  Resisting change takes effort.  These people need to know there may be more productive ways to spend their energy.  And resisting change costs money.  As writer Catherine Devyre noted, “Remember that the six most expensive words in business are: ‘We’ve always done it that way.’”  

  On a personal level, I let “control” resisters know they may have a lot more control than they think.  They’re just not seeing it or using.  For example, for the last 15 years I’ve maintained two homes and two office in Minneapolis and Naples.  And during that time, I’ve traveled to more than a 1000 places and organizations to speak.  Often times, my airplane seat mate will ask me if I live in Naples or if was just visiting.  When I say I live there, they invariably ooh and aah, and then say how much they wished they lived in such a paradise, concluding with a long dissertation on how miserable their location happens to be, on how the weather is so bad, and how the sun never shines.  And then another big sigh.  

  Occasionally, I verbalize my bewilderment.  I say, “You know, I’ve been in hundreds of cities and towns all over America, and every one of them has those big green signs up above the highway telling folks how to get out of town.”  

  Just so you’re clear, I wasn’t trying to brag in any way whatsoever.  I wasn’t trying to make fun of their situation.  But I was hopefully … and gently … letting them know that there was probably something they could do about their situation to make it a bit better.  They had a bit more control than they were exercising. It’s a point that every Control Resister has to remember.

• ILLUSTRATE THE FOLLY OF REVENGE RESISTERS:  The 20th century scriptwriter Douglas Noel Adams had it right.  He said, “When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”  In other words, when you focus all your energy on what “they” are doing wrong, more often than not, “you” end up doing nothing.  You stop working on how you could change yourself or how you could help the organization change.  Your energies are eaten up by complaining words or acts of destruction that go nowhere.  It’s folly.  

  On a personal level, I tell these “revenge” resisters, you’re probably going to lose the battle anyway.  Oh, you may win a skirmish now and then, but the chances are very good you’re going to lose the war. 

• RE-DIRECT THE WELL-INTENTIONED RESISTERS:  Re-affirm the fact that we need them.  Sometimes somebody else sees a cliff we are about to fall over that we never saw.  We need their insights and instincts.  However, if they’re resistance is based on nothing more than waiting for the perfect time and place to move ahead, they need to be reminded of William Feather’s insight. As a 20th century public relations executive, he noted, “Conditions are never just right.  People who delay action until all factors are favorable do nothing.” 

PREMISE #4:  YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH CHANGE. 

Any change is stressful … even good change.  Whether you’ve just received a promotion, a job relocation, or a pink slip, it’s stressful.  And whether you’ve just gotten married or divorced, had children, or saw your children grow up and leave the house and come back again, it’s stressful. So you must learn to be resilient so you can handle any of your present or future changes.  As the dictionary defines resiliency, you need the ability to recover from or adjust easily to change and misfortune. 

I’ve found that some people flourish during change while others find change to be a continual struggle.  To take care of yourself, to be effective in times of change, I’ve found three things that work.   

• RECOVER:  After a life change, it’s not uncommon to experience your situation as stressful, challenging, or unfamiliar. And it’s not uncommon to have such symptoms as headaches, backaches, or depression.  So you need to regain some sense of composure.  

  You need to step back from your new situation … for a while.  You could do such things as take mini-breaks by going to the gym or the movies to give you some distance or change your focus … temporarily.  You could plan a weekend get-away or just take some time for yourself.  You could share a cup of coffee with a friend who will listen to your feelings. 

  Be careful of getting caught in a pity party … constantly complaining about the fact that “There is nothing I can do about this.”  Well, there may be nothing you can do about the change in your organization, but there is always something you can do about what is going on inside of you.  Just remember, “What you are willing to accept is what you get.”

• REFOCUS:  If you are able to look at “the big picture,” you’ll gain a greater peace of mind about the change.  Take time to think about what has happened, why, and what it might mean.  You might realize that your feelings are mixed.  For example, if you’ve been promoted, you might be pleased with the higher salary, but uncomfortable about supervising your friends.  You may feel sad or angry about having to let go of familiar people and routines.  With time, your feelings will even out and become more serene and positive.  

  Take advice from some of the sages. Remember the past but refocus some of your attention away from it. Gaston Bachelard (1884-1962) advised, “One must always maintain one’s connection to the past and yet ceaselessly pull away from it.”   

  Change your viewpoint.  Instead of focusing on how much you hate your job, refocus on the fact you have a job.  Alberta Flanders noted, “Sometimes only a change of viewpoint is needed to convert a tiresome duty into an interesting opportunity.”  

  And science backs up their comments.  In “Monkey Business,” researchers S. Wright, M. Hager, and S. Tyink wrote, “When you change the way you see things, the things you see change.”

• REGENERATE:  Because all change is stressful, your body and your spirit need time to recuperate.  So get some extra rest, eat properly, and avoid alcohol and nicotine.  Increase your face time or talk time with your network of good, positive, encouraging colleagues, friends, and family members.  Avoid the negative folks like the plague.

But regeneration also has to deal with re-doing some of your own self-destructive behavior that gets in the way of productive change.  

For example, many years ago, I first say a documentary film made by Dr. Eden Ryl, titled “You Pack Your Own Chute”  At one point in the film, she interviewed people at random about their biggest problems.  One woman said her biggest problem was getting to work on time.  She said she was always 15 minutes late.  

Dr. Ryl asked her if she’d ever thought of setting her alarm clock 15 minutes earlier.  The woman said sadly, “It wouldn’t matter.  I’m always late. It’s just the way I am.” 

Admittedly, “personality” is formed early in childhood, and once the “grooves” are put into your personality, it’s not easy to change them.  But, it’s NOT impossible either.  It you have any “that’s just the way I am” statements holding you back from the very changes you need to make, STOP IT.  Whenever you catch yourself thinking or verbalizing those kinds of comments, tell yourself to STOP IT.  And with repetition, you will stop thinking and behaving that way. 

Change is going to happen in your personal and professional lives.  No doubt about it.  The most successful people understand and implement the strategies outlined above. 

Action:

Write down a simple 10-point system as to what you are going to RECOVER, REFOCUS, AND REGENERATE as you deal with the changes in your life.

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

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Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

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All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time
professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

I can’t tell you how many people spend their lives complaining.  They complain about the government, the President, the Congress, and every other government official.  I have my complaints too.  I just thank God we live in a country where we have the freedom to verbalize our complaints. 

The problem is … these complainers … more often than not … don’t do anything about their complaints.  They don’t bother to watch the political debates on TV, read the news analyses on the various candidates, or even (heaven forbid!) vote.  They rationalize their lack of doing anything about their complaints by saying, “It wouldn’t do any good anyway.”

I hear other people complain about their marriages, but refuse to go to a workshop on marital communication or talk to a counselor.  I hear parents complain about the problems they’re having with their kids, but they won’t read any books on parenting.  I hear people complain about their physical ailments but go on to say, “You can’t trust doctors.  They’re just out to get your money.”

Well,  if you’re like me, you get mighty sick of all the complaining.  It is demoralizing and demotivating.  Plus, it is just plain unfair.

Let me offer a simple rule of thumb you should use on yourself, you should enforce at home, and you should encourage at work.  And that is … if you aren’t willing to do SOMETHING about your complaint, you have no right to voice it.  You ONLY earn your right to complain when you put some of your own time, money, and/or energy into making things better.

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When you ask someone about his job and how much experience he has, more often than not he’ll tell you how many years he’s been at the company.  But that’s NOT the question you asked.  

Some people have been at a job for 24 years, but they only have 1 year of experience.  They never LEARNED anything or gained any new experience after their first year on the job.  What a pity!  

It’s kind of like asking when so-and-so died.  You’re told that she died on July 2nd, and she was buried on July 6th.  Again, that’s NOT the question you asked.  July 2nd is when her body fell over, but in some cases the person “died” fifteen years before that.  She never LEARNED anything or gained any new experience after a certain point in her life. 

To stay fully ALIVE on and off the job, you’ve got to be in a continual state of LEARNING.  That’s why I wish people would add a section to the Christmas letters they send out each year.  As much as I enjoy receiving them and reading them, I’ve noticed that most of the letters focus on what people have done or where they have gone in the previous year.  Only a few of them ever talk about what they LEARNED in the previous year. 

If you want to keep on learning, I highly recommend keeping a journal.  Write down the things you learn in your personal life, or chances are you’ll forget them and have to learn the lessons all over again.  

If you want to keep on learning in your professional life, ask highly successful people the most important things they’ve learned in their careers.  It’s an easy way to fast track your own success.  (I did that recently and will share their top 10 learnings a bit later in this “Tuesday Tip.”) 

So what did you learn in the last twelve months?  Or the last twelve years?  Or over the course of your entire lifetime?  Maybe it’s time to write them down. 

One researcher did that a while ago, asking a variety of people in a variety of age groups what they had learned.  Their answers ranged from the amusing to the deeply insightful.  They included the following: 

• Age 6 I’ve learned that our dog doesn’t want to eat my broccoli either.
• Age 7 I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.
• Age 9 I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.   Age 12 I’ve learned that if you want to cheer up, you should try cheering someone else up.
• Age 14 I’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, I’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me.   Age 20 I’ve learned that having a cool car has nothing to do with meeting someone “pretty or nice.”  The nice people are not standing in the middle of the street waiting to be found.
• Age 21 I’ve learned that although it’s fun to have a car that will reach 60 miles per hour in under ten seconds, it’s better to have comfortable seats and a good radio so that the next 59 minutes and 50 seconds of the trip are relaxing.
• Age 22 I’ve learned that love isn’t all about who you want to go to bed with; it’s more about who you want to wake up and start the day with.
• Age 23 I’ve learned that if I don’t like the way life is going, when I look in a mirror I can find the only person who can change it.   Age 29 I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live my life so that no one will believe it.
• Age 30 I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it.
• Age 32 I’ve learned that if someone you think you can trust cheats at golf, be wary.
• Age 35 I’ve learned that wearing tight clothes does not make me look thinner.  
• Age 42 I’ve learned that you can make someone’s day by simply sending them a little note.  
• Age 44 I’ve learned that the greater a person’s sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.
• Age 48 I’ve learned that singing “Amazing Grace” can lift my spirits for hours.
• Age 49 I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
• Age 50 I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
• Age 51 I’ve learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.
• Age 53 I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
• Age 61 I’ve learned if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.
• Age 62 I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands.  You need to be able to throw something back.
• Age 64 I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.  But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
• Age 65 I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.
• Age 72 I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
• Age 82 I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.  People love that human touch — whether it be holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
• Age 90 I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Again, it would be well worth your time to identify the things you’ve learned in your life and write them down.  Re-read your journal once in a while and reflect on your learnings. 

But on the professional side, when I asked highly successful managers and leaders to share some of the most important things they had learned over the course of their careers, not a one of them mentioned a particular leadership model or an academic theory.  They mentioned extremely simple, practical things.  Again, it would be well worth your time to apply their learnings to your career.  This is what they told me. 

1. Pitch in. 

In other words, don’t ever think that a particular task is beneath you.  Don’t ever think you are above anything what needs to be done.  Be an example and pitch in — especially if the job is one that nobody wants to do. 

As writer Ken Kesey (1935-2001) put it, “You don’t lead by pointing a finger and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and making a case.”  You go to that place and pitch in.  You lead by example.  

Get out of your office.  Mingle with your people.  And work with your people.  As retired nonprofit industry executive Phil Coltoff observed, “You have to get out there and get your face known, because only then will your staff and clients trust that you are doing everything you can to help them.”

 2.  Ask for help. 

If you think you’re in over your head, you probably are.  So don’t be afraid to ask for help before your situation gets out of hand.  Most people enjoy giving a hand, and most people will become your friend and ally in the process.

3.  Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know” or “I was wrong.” 

If you don’t know the answer, don’t try to bluff it.  Instead, take Brian Amato’s approach.  As one of my “Tuesday Tip” subscribers, he said, “I may not have the answer, but I’ll find it.  I may not have the time, but I’ll make it.” 

Likewise, if you make a mistake, apologize.  If you’re at fault, take the blame.  Just tell the truth.  As a wise person once said, “If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember anything.” 

Interesting enough, the least successful managers and leaders  … those who are the most insecure … are the ones who have a hard time saying “I don’t know” or “I was wrong.”  If that sounds a bit like you, remember what R.H. Grant had to say, “When you hire people who are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are.” 

On the reverse side… 

 4. Don’t gloat when you’re right. 

People never want to hear you say “I told you so.”  When you’re right, you have the right to feel good inside, but you don’t have the right to shame somebody else. 

 5.  Share the credit. 

Great managers and leaders … indeed, winners in general … are much more inspiring and much more effective when they spread the credit around … rather than take all the credit themselves.  As I tell my audiences in my program on “The Leadership Payoff:  How The Best Leaders Bring Out The Best In Others .. And So Can You,” I never met anyone who said they left a company because they were recognized too much. 

(To get more information on “The Leadership Payoff” program, click here.) 

The least effective managers mistakenly think they have to portray an image as to how great and wonderful they are.  But they’re wrong.  That only turns people off. 

As Merry Browne noted, “You know you’re old when you’ve lost all your marvels.”  And I would add, you know you’re wise when you learn it’s not all about me, me, me, and my marvel-ous performance.  You’re wise when you realize that just about every one of your successes had the input of other people … and you share the credit with those people whenever possible. 

 6. Keep your salary to yourself. 

Mentioning your salary is a no-win proposition.  Most of the folks who hear you talk it about will either be jealous (because they make less) or feel superior (because they make more.)  And neither one of those feelings ever helped build a team. 

Besides that, effective leadership has more to do with how you spend your time and energy than the amount of money you make.  As artist Marcel Duchamp (1887-1968) said, “Living is more a question of what one spends than what one makes.”

7.  Don’t let it show when you don’t like someone, 

You never know where you’re going to be in your career in five months or five years.  So don’t ever say something or do anything you might later regret.  Don’t burn your bridges or offend others if you hope to move ahead. 

Keep your negative feelings and desires for revenge to yourself.  Don’t act like the elegantly dressed lady on the airplane who was wearing the largest, most stunning diamond her seat mate had ever seen.  So the businessman asked her about it.  

She said, “This is the Klopman diamond.  It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.” 

“What’s the curse,” the man asked. 

“Mr. Klopman,” she replied. 

If you don’t like someone at work, don’t let it show.  And if you don’t like his or her ideas, don’t immediately try to chop them down.  Great managers and leaders grow ideas rather than cut them down.  They think of ideas as raw material rather than finished products. 

8.  Refrain from gossip. 

The corporate adage rings true:  When someone gossips, two careers are hurt — the person being talked about and the person doing the talking. 

And if someone wants to share gossip with you, do one of two things:  1) ask him if the other person has given him permission to share what he is about to share, or 2) politely say you’re not interested. 

9.  Let it go. 

Life is not always fair.  And you don’t always get what you deserve.  You may not have been given the project you wanted.  You may have been passed over for the promotion you worked so hard to get.  

There’s not much you can do about that.  So be gracious and diplomatic … and move on.  Harboring a grudge will never help you advance your career. 

Finally, when I asked the very best managers and leaders the most important things they had learned, they said…

10. Help others succeed. 

They knew the difference between success and significance.  They knew that success was all about their own personal victories, but significance was all about helping others experience more success.  And the very best managers and leaders were more focused on significance than success. 

Pericles, the 5th century BC statesman and military leader, knew that.  He said, “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” 

Arthur Ashe, who was ranked the #1 tennis player in the world in 1975, knew that.  After he broke the racial barrier in the sport of tennis and after he achieved world renown in that sport, he contracted AIDS from a blood transfusion.  He went on to become a spokesman for AIDS awareness, noting, “True heroism is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.” 

And more recently, Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, commented on that.  He said, “My job is to not be easy on people.  My job is to take these great people we have and to push them and make them even better.” 

I’ll never forget one of my audience members who said, “Managing tasks didn’t give me an ulcer; managing people did.”  Well, the good news is … you can apply these 10 learnings to yourself and your career and avoid the ulcer that manager got. 

Action:

Rank order these 10 learnings from 1 to 10. Give a “1″ to the item you most need to apply to yourself and your managerial skills.  Give a “10″ to the lesson you least need to apply.  Start to do something about items 1 through 5 as soon as possible.

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

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All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time
professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

• Just Announced For The First Time — 2012 “Journey” Dates
  
• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  5 paths to accountability
  
• Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z
  

• Dr. Zimmerman’s Keynotes/Seminars

• Forwarding Policy

Millions of people are suffering from A Big Lie.  They have been taught from birth to go to school and earn a degree because THEN they will get a good job and be happy.  Unfortunately, there are millions of people walking the streets with their degree in hand and no job in sight. 

What happened?  They believed that getting an education was the same thing as getting a degree. They never learned … or they were never taught … that “education” comes from the Latin word “educo,” meaning to educe, to develop, or draw out from within.   True “education” is about developing your God-given powers, demonstrated by what you DO, not what you KNOW.

The result?  We have ended up with a society that has recognized and rewarded people for what they KNOW, not what they DO.  Just look at many of our elected officials who hold positions of leadership but have never once in their life held a job or made a paycheck.  And THE BIG LIE always leads to a society that is exceedingly long on entitlement and desperately short on accountability.

That’s exactly why so many organizations have been asking me to deliver keynotes and seminars on “The Leadership Payoff:  How The Best Leaders Bring Out The Best In Others … And So Can You.”  Click here to read all about it.

And with THIS BIG LIE causing so much damage, I see lots of bosses (and coworkers) who are supremely frustrated by the lack of accountability they see in the people around them.  As Walter Kerr described one employee, “He had delusions of adequacy.”  I even see the frustration leak out in performance reviews.

Believe it or not, the following excerpts were actually taken from real performance reviews.

•    “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom … and has started to dig.”
•    “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
•    “This employee is really not so much a ‘has-been’ but more of a definite ‘won’t be’.”
•    “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
•    “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”

If you want to create a culture of accountability in your organization or team, executive coach Marjorie Brody says you must do five things.  I agree with her five points, but let me put my own personal spin on each of the items.

1.  Instill an attitude of “I take responsibility.”

It’s no secret that life is not fair.  But great people … or highly effective people … get over the infantile attitude that life “should” be fair.  And they stop blaming everybody else for their problems or lack of progress. 

As I tell my audiences, “When I have pains, it does not give me permission to be a pain.”  Or as Brody puts it, “Things will not always go your way.  Everyone will not agree with you, get along with you, or treat you the way you would like.  Pick yourself up and move on.”  After all, if you’re in a job situation, remember you’re getting paid for this.  So it’s time to think of your job as a gift.

Personally, I think Mark Collis, a Senior Analyst at ArcelorMittal Dofasco, one of my thousands of “Tuesday Tip” subscribers, does a great job of instilling an attitude of responsibility.  As he writes, “Dr. Zimmerman, I have been coaching ‘Learn to Run’ clinics for seven years.  I do it on the side because I enjoy coaching and gain a tremendous amount of satisfaction helping others succeed at something they thought they would never be able to do.”
 
“I tell them at the start, if they can run for one minute, I can get them to 5 kilometers without stopping. I don’t guarantee the time, just the distance.  If people follow through with the program I outline, I’ve never had someone not complete the distance.” 

“I have found over the years that if you want something in life, you need three things:  1) Desire, 2) Time, and 3) A Plan.  Without all three, the chances of success are minimal; but with all three, success is virtually guaranteed.”

The same thing can be said when you have mastered … or someone has taught you to have an attitude of responsibility.  Your success is virtually guaranteed.

2.  Perform, perform, perform.

When you see accountability, you always see performance.  That’s why Southwest Airlines tells its employees, “Success is never owned. It is rented, and the rent is due every day.”  In other words, it’s not good enough to do a good job one day and a mediocre job another day. 

In our extremely difficult economic environment, Brody says your job security is your responsibility.  You’ve got to do your job better than anyone else could do it, and you’ve got to be deeply involved in the process of preparing yourself for your current job as well as your future jobs. 

That might sound harsh, but accountable people understand these harsh realities and keep on performing.  That’s why I tell my audiences in “The Payoff Principle:  How To Motivate Yourself To Win Every Time In Any Situation,” the biggest mistake you can make is to believe that you work for someone else.

People of accountability know that no one owes them a living, and they are never satisfied with “good enough.”  They perform well all the time … period!  As British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher noted, “Look at the day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.  It’s not the day when you lounge around doing nothing; it’s when you’ve had everything to do, and you’ve done it.” 

3.  Develop a reputation worthy of respect.

As Brody would say, “Your reputation is your brand” and “Reputations and relationships rule.”

Unfortunately, stupid people say, “I don’t care what people think about me or say about me.”  Accountable people care what people think and say about them, so they EARN positive reputations that make them not only known but also liked, trusted, and followed.

To achieve that kind of reputation, make sure you do the following: 

• Up your honesty. Even though very few people in organizations are outright liars and cheaters, the “honesty” that goes on between colleagues, superiors, and subordinates comes in many shades of gray that destroy accountability.  Imagine how much better things would be if people were to say of you and others, “I don’t always like what he/she says, but I do know it’s the truth.”
• Avoid reputation killers.  Avoid any improper uses of the technology in your organization.  Disagree with others without disrespecting them.  Always be the professional … even if the other person is being a jerk.  And always do the right thing, even if no one else is looking. 
• Narrow your focus.  Ineffective people are often characterized by frantic activity and/or feelings of hopelessness and fear. By contrast, accountable people clarify what’s important. They eliminate extraneous activities. They hone their priorities down to a sacred few rather than the trivial many.
• Simplify your implementation.  Break down your tasks and solutions into easy, doable steps. Give up complicated charts and tracking mechanisms. They waste valuable time. All great visions happen one step at a time. So come back to earth; put your feet on the ground, and ask yourself, “What’s really important?” and “What can I achieve today?”  People respect big results more than big talk.
• Do what you say you’re going to do.  If you say you’re going to be at a meeting at a certain time, be there at that time, not 10 minutes later.  As consultant Darcy Hitchcock puts it, “Employees are professional ‘boss watchers.’  That is, what managers say means nothing unless their actions model what they say.”

In the long run, all these things will build your reputation … and say you are accountable.

4.  Act with courage. 

People of accountability do what has to be done and say what has to be said … even though it may not be politically correct.  As Brody advises, “Be honest.  Be bold.  Be smart.” 

Simon Cutknife, another one of my “Tuesday Tip” followers, is one such person.  His heart stopped twice when he was thirteen, lost his left arm in his twenties, and has gone through nine near-death experiences, receiving severe burns to his face and breaking almost every bone in his body.  Those experiences taught him something about persistence and resiliency.

But it was in the job market that he had to act with courage to get the job he wanted.  As he told me, “Before I received my job as a suicide prevention worker, I went through seven job interviews.  And even though I never got a ‘yes’ or a phone call from those interviewers, I decided I would not take it personally.  In my mind, there was no ‘no.’  I let it motivate me to go further and simply prepared myself for the next interview.”

“I approached the next set of interviews with courage.  Soon the interviews became a hobby-like activity.  I looked forward to them because I was learning how to give and receive feedback, how to answer certain questions to the best of my ability, and how to use my body posture, eye contact, and tone of voice to make my points.  I became an even more confident person and got the job I wanted.”

Simon knows that his willingness to act with courage … to do what he has to do … to do the RIGHT thing … makes him a person of accountability.

The other half of courage is to refrain from doing the WRONG thing or being with the WRONG people. 

As a member of an elite group of seven people known as Master Speakers International, I have learned numerous lessons from Bill Lee, one of our members.  He says, “About 99 times out of 100 … should you get into trouble … it is because you were with someone you shouldn’t be with … doing something you shouldn’t be doing … in someplace you shouldn’t be.”

Accountable people say “no” to doing the wrong thing with the “wrong” people.  Or as educator Tehyi Hsieh adds, “Lean too much upon the approval of people, and it becomes a bed of thorns.”

Finally, if you’re going to be seen as an accountable individual, or if you’re trying to instill accountability into others, you need to…

5.  Get some perspective.

People who are truly accountable never look at a job as “just a job” and never go around saying “another day, another dollar.”  Accountable people have a much bigger perspective on what they do and how they fit into the overall scheme of things.

In other words, accountable people want to make a difference.  They want to contribute.  They want to be successful … not only for their own sake … but also for their company, customers, and coworkers. 

Accountable people are professionals because they know that a “professional” is NOT ABOUT a job title … such as being a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or business manager.  Being a “professional” is ALL ABOUT the way in which a person does his/her job.  Indeed, I have known retail clerks, custodians, and waitresses who were more professional than other people with 3 or 4 degrees and 8 or 10 years of college training.

Leo Tolstoy, the novelist and philosopher knew about that.  He wrote, “Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them.” In other words, success starts with the right perspective.

And sales coach Tom Hopkins teaches his clients the same thing.  He says, “You begin by always expecting good things to happen.”

We are living in a time when we need accountable leaders and accountable team members more than ever.  The good news is … accountability can be taught and it can be learned.  Start with these 5 tips.

Action:

Write down 3 ways you can encourage your customers to be more open and honest with you. Then try out these 3 methods to see which one works the best.

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com 

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

Follow me on Twitter for short bursts of brilliance just click here.

Reprint These Tips In Your Own Publication

I encourage you to reprint my “Tuesday Tips” in your own e-mail, online newsletters, or conventionally-printed publications. It’s free and legal … as long as proper credit is given.

All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time
professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

• Just Announced For The First Time — 2012 “Journey” Dates
  
• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  Turning customer complaints into customer compliments
  
• Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z
  

• Dr. Zimmerman’s Keynotes/Seminars
  

• Forwarding Policy

Twenty-five or thirty years ago, very few people were talking about “customer service,” and even fewer people expected to get outstanding service.  People simply accepted whatever service they happened to get. 

For example, when a man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer, he was disappointed to find out the store had almost no money to give him.  So the robber tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours … until the police showed up and arrested him.

Then about fifteen years ago, the public started to expect … and in some cases … demand extraordinary service.  And many companies realized that the quality of their service may be the very factor that makes or breaks them.

My wife and I noticed that at a Naples, Florida restaurant a few years ago.  Our waiter came over to ask us what we’d like to drink.  About 20 minutes later he brought us the Diet Coke and iced tea we ordered.  Not exactly good service.  He then took our order.  We waited for another 50 minutes without him ever coming by our table or bringing us anything to nibble on while we waited for our first course.  Eventually, we called over the restaurant manager to ask about our waiter and our meal that seemed extraordinarily slow in getting to us. 

The restaurant manager assured us he would check on things and get back to us.  He did … 10 minutes later … to announce that our waiter had quit his job and walked out about an hour earlier.  Without any apology or any attempt to “make up” for the bad service we had been given, he brought us our meal and the bill. 

Needless to say, we had every right to complain.  But like most of your unhappy customers, we didn’t bother to do so.  We just decided right then and there we would never go back to that restaurant.  Apparently lots of other customers made the same decision because some months later the restaurant went out of business.  And that was back in the good old days … before the recession … when people were spending lots of money eating out. 

If you’re in any kind of business, the LAST thing you want to happen is to have your unhappy customers NOT talk to you about their complaints.  This is what I suggest.

1.  Encourage complaints. 

It may not be what you want to do.  In fact it may seem like the last thing you want to do.  But you should be doing everything you can to encourage your clients to complain. A customer with an unexpressed complaint is more than likely to tell others about his bad service experience with you or your company.  And in a world of instant communication via the Internet and social media, the bad mouthing of your company will hurt your bottom line quicker than ever before. 

You see … unhappy customers that do not complain to you are on their way to moving their business somewhere else. You and your staff have to create a business environment that encourages your customers to be totally open and honest with you … about the good stuff as well as the bad.

I cover this in a great more detail in my newest book, “The Service Payoff:  How Customer Service Champions Outserve And Outlast The Competition.” 
SPECIAL OFFER! SAVE 50% Purchase 5 Service Payoff books for $49.87.  Click here to purchase NOW! 

2.  Receive complaints professionally.

Once you’ve encouraged the complaints, it’s critically important HOW you listen and respond to those complaints.  In fact, how you respond to the complaint will go a long way in determining how satisfied your customer will be with the resolution of his/her problem.

Unfortunately, in some companies (not all), so-called “customer service departments” are used as holding tanks for complaints … staffed by indifferent employees … who consider the customer more of an inconvenience than anything else.

And whatever their original intent might have been, hi-tech telephone systems are … more often than not … customer avoidance systems.  As such, they do a great job of avoiding you and your complaint.  I’ve even spoken to people who work on “customer complaint” or “customer help lines” who talk about how they place customers on hold for long periods of time while they grab a cup of coffee, text a friend, or do a number of other things instead of serving the customer.

So while it’s true that Step 1 encourages you to “encourage complaints,” Step 2 says the first words out of your mouth (or your staff member’s mouth) are vitally important when you hear those complaints.  You need to use a conversation starter that indicates you really want to hear and understand your customer’s complaint.  Use such phrases as “Tell me about … What happened first …and after that … or … Fill me in on …”

You see … the first words out of your mouth can make all the difference for you and your customer.  Start off on the wrong foot and things typically get worse.  Start off on the right foot, and it usually gets much easier to resolve the complaint. 

Then watch your vocal intonations.  It’s possible to say all the “right” things and still irritate your customer … if you project the wrong attitude.  And your attitude comes through in the way you say things. That’s why I teach people in my program, “The Service Payoff,” how to keep a positive attitude when they’re serving customers.  (Click here to check out the program.) 

You might even try this exercise.  Say “customer service is a wonderful opportunity” 8 times.  Each time you say it, try to demonstrate each of the following 8 attitudes: warmth, aloofness, excitement, depression, joviality, seriousness, interest, and disinterest.  Notice the changes in how you sound and the way you feel as you vary your tones.  And then remember that your tone makes a huge difference when you’re serving customers.

3.  Remove any possibility of confusion.

When a customer has a complaint, you can also bet that he/she has some strong feelings about that complaint.  And in situations like that, customers and customer service people can easily confuse facts and stories … and that causes additional difficulty.

In essence, a fact is a direct, objective, verifiable observation.   For example, the customer’s purchased item stopped working after 35 minutes of use.  That is a fact.  A story is someone’s feeling, judgment, or conclusion about that fact.  The customer may feel betrayed … that the company purposely made a poor quality product … or the company didn’t care about his time when he had to come back to the store to get a refund.

To get through this difficulty, you need to realize that the same facts can be used to tell many different stories.  You need to help the customer separate the “real” facts from the emotional “stories” being told.  And as a service provider, you need to ignore your own feelings of moral certainty that you’re right and the customer is wrong.  Stick with the facts … without emotion … to remove any possibility of confusion.

That’s what one couple had to do on Halloween. They were invited to a swanky costume party, but the Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He protested, but she said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.  There was no need for him to miss out on a good time.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party.  And since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could.

His wife sidled up to him and came on to him in a rather romantic manner.  Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed … because after all … it was her husband.  So off they went for a little private romance.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.  She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.  He said: “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”    
   
“Did you dance much?” she asked.
 
“I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to.”

You see … whether it’s at home or in front of the customer, you can’t afford to have any confusion in the process of resolving customer complaints.  The rule is simple:  Clarify, clarify, clarify what is being said and what you’re hearing.

4.  Explain how you’re going to resolve the customer’s complaint.

For some customers, the first 3 steps are enough.  They just want someone to listen to their complaint or their story.  They don’t want you to do anything about it.  They just want to know that someone cares about their situation.

Most people, however, want you to DO something about their complaint.  You’ve got to tell them WHAT you’re going to do to next and when they can expect it to happen. 

Then tell them WHEN you’ll call them back. Make a commitment and honor the commitment.

And if for any reason you can’t honor the commitment, call them and let them know you’re still working on it.   Keep on following through and following up until the customer’s complaint has been resolved and all residual emotions have been cleared up.

Nobody likes to hear a complaint.  But there’s good news to be found in every customer complaint that is handled well.  The first bit of good news is that the customer’s complaint is a gift.  He is giving you a free consulting service.  She is telling you what needs to be done to fix the problem and keep her business. 

The second bit of good news, according to referral coach Bill Cates, is that “A relationship (any relationship) that’s had a problem – that’s been handled well – is a stronger relationship than one that’s never had a problem.”

Get good at encouraging candid communication from your customers and resolving their complaints.  Your customers will like you more.  You’ll feel better.  And your bottom line will be much healthier.

Action:

Write down 3 ways you can encourage your customers to be more open and honest with you.  Then try out these 3 methods to see which one works the best.

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z

Sign up for my blog if you want to follow my writings on a more regular and more personal basis just click here.

Follow me on Twitter for short bursts of brilliance just click here.

Reprint These Tips In Your Own Publication

I encourage you to reprint my “Tuesday Tips” in your own e-mail, online newsletters, or conventionally-printed publications. It’s free and legal … as long as proper credit is given.

All you have to do is include the following notation along with the reprint of my material: About the author: Dr. Alan Zimmerman is a full-time
professional speaker who specializes in attitude, motivation, and leadership programs that pay off. For your own free subscription to Dr. Zimmerman’s weekly “Tuesday Tip” newsletter, go to http://www.DrZimmerman.com.

• Just Announced For The First Time — 2012 “Journey” Dates
  
• Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip:
  Relationships as the foundation of all success and happiness
  
• Other Ways To Connect With And Learn From Dr. Z
  

• Dr. Zimmerman’s Keynotes/Seminars
  

• Forwarding Policy

There are very few people in the world who have become wildly successful or exceedingly happy without the help of other people.  At some point in life, every accomplishment can be traced back to a relationship with somebody … or at the very least … the influence of somebody else. 

So, to some extent, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that it’s all about relationships.  That’s why my speaking and consulting work is focused on “transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need.”

Unfortunately, all too many self-centered, profit-driven leaders just don’t get it.  They often overlook the needs of the very people who can help them reach their goals.  They don’t take the time to invest in those they work with. 

They’re like the woman who bragged, “My husband and I have a great marriage.  There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him and nothing he wouldn’t do for me.  And that’s the way we go through life … doing nothing for each other!”

The problem is … when a person feels unnoticed or unnurtured, they get restless and start to look elsewhere.  Their loyalties and energies begin to stray.  And that always weakens a team or a marriage.

By contrast, C. Gene Wilkes notes, “Team leaders genuinely believe that they do not have all the answers — so they do not insist on providing them.  They believe they do not need to make all key decisions — so they do not do so.  They believe they cannot succeed without the combined contributions of all the other members of the team to a common end — so they avoid any action that might constrain inputs or intimidate anyone on the team.  Ego is NOT their predominant concern.”

To transform the people side of your business, take a deeper look at my program on “The Partnership Payoff:  7 Keys To Better Relationships and Greater Teamwork” by clicking here.  As Dr. Teresa Jensen from the Mayo Clinic said, “This program really struck me.  As a busy physician who is proud of being complete and prompt, of trying to ‘finish’ all the paperwork (even though there will always be more paperwork to do), I realized I am neglecting myself, my team mates, and my family … something I told myself I would never do.  Your program got me started on a new path with more balance in my life!”

If you’re going to do a better job with the relationships at work and in your life, you must start with a few basics.

1.  Demonstrate personal warmth and liking.

In an old “Peanuts” cartoon Charlie Brown says, “I love mankind; it’s just people I can’t stand.”

In other words, it’s not enough to theoretically “love” people or “care about” people.  You’ve got to show some real warmth to the people you meet each day. You’ve got to come across as warm, friendly, likeable, and approachable.   

So take a look at yourself.  Do you come across as someone who gives off nonverbal “welcoming” signals?  Or do you come across as someone who gives off “leave-me-alone” signals?

2.  Exhibit even-keeled moods.

At one point or another, you’ve probably had to work with someone whose moods were constantly going up and down.  You never knew how they were going to feel and what they would do.  And as a result, they weren’t fun or safe to be around.

By contrast, those who build the best relationships on and off the job are fairly consistent in their moods.  They are predictable and approachable, and they’re basically the same way every time you see them.

How would you describe yourself and the way you handle your moods?  More like the first or second paragraph above?

And please, please, please don’t tell me you can’t help the way you feel. YES YOU CAN.  You may not know how to change the way you feel, but your feelings and attitudes are completely under your control.  If you don’t know how to do that, go back and re-read my book on “PIVOT: How One Change In Attitude Can Lead To Success.”  (Click here to read more.)

3.  Share some of your weaknesses.

When I have researched various bosses, supervisors, or managers, I’ve noticed two types: 1) those who cover up their mistakes, and 2) those who readily admit their errors.  You might think that coworkers would have more respect for the first type of boss … the one who never seems to mess up.  But that’s not the case.  When coworkers see what seems to be a “perfect” boss who never makes a mistake, they tend to think “I could never be like that so why bother to try.”

In reality, coworkers have more respect for and work harder for the boss who shares some of his weaknesses.  They tend to see a boss who is real, who is human, and who can learn from her mistakes.  Coworkers tend to identify with those types of bosses, and in the process everybody gets better.

As novelist Ed Howes said, “Express a mean opinion of yourself occasionally.  It will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth.”  Approachable people are honest about their abilities … and shortcomings.  And because they can admit their own faults, they don’t have a problem allowing other people to have faults as well.

To build better relationships, embrace the old proverb which says, “Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.”

 4.  Go out of your way to show kindness. 

This may sound rather obvious and simplistic, but it’s harder than you think … because we’re all busy.  I know I am.  I could sit at my desk 24/7 for the next 2 years, never eat, never sleep, and never be finished with the projects I’m working on and need to be working on.  And the same is probably true of you as well. 

So it takes time and effort to stop what you’re doing and show an extra measure of kindness to those around you … whether you call them coworkers, customers, friends, family members, or even strangers.  That’s why I was especially touched by Susan Fahncke’s story on “The Tattooed Stranger.” 

(Sidebar:  Susan Farr-Fahncke’s newest book is “Angel’s Legacy: How Cancer Changed a Princess into an Angel.”  She is also the founder of the amazing volunteer group, Angels2TheHeart, and teaches online writing workshops. You can visit her web site.)

Here’s the story of “The Tattooed Stranger” Susan shared with me. 

• He was scary. He sat on the grass with his cardboard sign, his dog (actually his dog was adorable) and tattoos running up and down both arms and even on his neck. His sign proclaimed him to be “stuck and hungry” and to please help.
• I’m a sucker for anyone needing help. My husband both loves and hates this quality in me. It often makes him nervous, and I knew if he saw me right now, he’d be nervous. But he wasn’t with me right now.
• I pulled the van over and in my rear-view mirror, contemplated this man, tattoos and all. He was youngish, maybe forty. He wore one of those bandannas tied over his head, biker/pirate style. Anyone could see he was dirty and had a scraggly beard. But if you looked closer, you could see that he had neatly tucked in the black T-shirt, and his things were in a small, tidy bundle. Nobody was stopping for him. I could see the other drivers take one look and immediately focus on something else – anything else.
• It was so hot out. I could see in the man’s very blue eyes how dejected and tired and worn-out he felt. The sweat was trickling down his face. As I sat with the air-conditioning blowing, the scripture suddenly popped into my head. “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, so ye have done it unto me.”
• I reached down into my purse and extracted a ten-dollar bill. My twelve-year old son, Nick knew right away what I was doing. “Can I take it to him, Mom?”
• “Be careful, honey.” I warned and handed him the money. I watched in the mirror as he rushed over to the man, and with a shy smile, handed it to him. I saw the man, startled, stand up and take the money, putting it into his back pocket. “Good,” I thought to myself, “now he will at least have a hot meal tonight.” I felt satisfied, proud of myself. I had made a sacrifice and now I could go on with my errands.
• When Nick got back into the car, he looked at me with sad, pleading eyes. “Mom, his dog looks so hot and the man is really nice.” I knew I had to do more.
• “Go back and tell him to stay there, that we will be back in fifteen minutes,” I told Nick. He bounded out of the car and ran to tell the tattooed stranger. I could see the man was surprised, but nodded his agreement. From my car, my heart did a little flip-flop of excitement.
• We then ran to the nearest store and bought our gifts carefully. “It can’t be too heavy,” I explained to the children. “He has to be able to carry it around with him.” We finally settled on our purchases. A bag of “Ol’ Roy” (I hoped it was good – it looked good enough for me to eat! How do they make dog food look that way?); a flavored chew-toy shaped like a bone; a water dish, bacon flavored snacks (for the dog); two bottles of water (one for the dog, one for Mr. Tattoos); and some people snacks for the man.
• We rushed back to the spot where we had left him, and there he was, still waiting. And still nobody else was stopping for him. With hands shaking, I grabbed our bags and climbed out of the car, all four of my children following me, each carrying gifts. As we walked up to him, I had a fleeting moment of fear, hoping he wasn’t a serial killer.
• I looked into his eyes and saw something that startled me and made me ashamed of my judgment. I saw tears. He was fighting like a little boy to hold back his tears. How long had it been since someone showed this man kindness? I told him I hoped it wasn’t too heavy for him to carry and showed him what we had brought. He stood there, like a child at Christmas, and I felt like my small contributions were so inadequate. When I took out the water dish, he snatched it out of my hands as if it were solid gold and told me he had had no way to give his dog water. He gingerly set it down, filled it with the bottled water we brought, and stood up to look directly into my eyes. His were so blue, so intense and my own filled with tears as he said “Ma’am, I don’t know what to say.” He then put both hands on his bandanna-clad head and just started to cry. This man, this “scary” man, was so gentle, so sweet, so humble.
• I smiled through my tears and said “Don’t say anything.” Then I noticed the tattoo on his neck. It said “Mama tried.”
• As we all piled into the van and drove away, he was on his knees, arms around his dog, kissing his nose and smiling. I waved cheerfully and then fully broke down in tears.
• I have so much. My worries seem so trivial and petty now. I have a home, a loving husband, four beautiful children. I have a bed. I wondered where he would sleep tonight.
• My step-daughter, Brandie turned to me and said in the sweetest little-girl voice, “I feel so good.”
• Although it seemed as if we had helped him, the man with the tattoos gave us a gift that I will never forget. He taught that no matter what the outside looks like, inside each of us is a human being deserving of kindness, of compassion, of acceptance. He opened my heart. 
• Tonight and every night I will pray for the gentle man with the tattoos and his dog. And I will hope that God will send more people like him into my life to remind me what’s really important.
    

Many of you may be looking for your purpose in life.  Have you ever thought of this?  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply be kind to others.

Others of you may be looking for a ticket to greater success and happiness.  Much of that will be found in the relationships you build.  And you can’t go wrong by using the four relationship-building tips I just gave you in this article.

Action: 

Look for 3 acts of kindness you can show this week … and do them.

“Transforming the people side of business … to help you get the payoffs you want and need”

Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Tel: 800-621-7881
E-mail: Alan@DrZimmerman.com

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